Body Signals and the Fall of Radical Islam

[Snark_Hunter]

@Left_Hand_of_Dorkness

I guarandamntee you that if a jihadist actually believed your system were accurate, his left ear would be itching up a storm.

I agree.

[Left_Hand_of_Dorkness]

@Snark_Hunter

We are to walk by faith in this mortal lifetime; no one pleases God without faith. Like I said, I believe the body signals are merely supplementary by nature, not intended to be proof of anything.

Why would I want to please an insane/malevolent God? And how do I know the God commnicating thus with me is actually omnipotent instead of being no more than the God of Itchniness?

[kayaker]

@kayaker

My back is itchy right now in the exact spot that I cannot reach. Tell your god to stop fucking with me.

OP, Thanks! Don’t know what you did or how you did it, but it worked!

[DrFidelius]

My left wrist hurts like the very Devil almost all the time. I am afraid that noise would swamp out any signal trying to get through concerning “evil actions” (if I am interpreting the chart correctly).

[Snark_Hunter]

@Left_Hand_of_Dorkness

Why would I want to please an insane/malevolent God?

I didn’t say He is insane or malevolent. We please Him so we may gain salvation from the effects of our sins.

And how do I know the God commnicating thus with me is actually omnipotent instead of being no more than the God of Itchniness?

Faith isn’t a sure knowledge at first. But it’s required for spiritual progression.

[Snark_Hunter]

@kayaker

OP, Thanks! Don’t know what you did or how you did it, but it worked!

I did nothing.

[Left_Hand_of_Dorkness]

@Snark_Hunter

I didn’t say He is insane or malevolent. We please Him so we may gain salvation from the effects of our sins.

It’s the only reasonable conclusion of your claims; it’s as if you told me that God communicated to me through Opposite Day on Venusian retrograde days, otherwise communicating entirely through the lost language of Mu, and would send me to hell if I didn’t understand.

Be honest, though. You don’t want me to have faith in god. You want me to have faith in you. That is, you want me to accept your ideas without subjecting your claims to critical thought.

Sorry, dude. Not gonna do it.

[Snark_Hunter]

@DrFidelius

My left wrist hurts like the very Devil almost all the time. I am afraid that noise would swamp out any signal trying to get through concerning “evil actions” (if I am interpreting the chart correctly).

Wrists indicate that you’re going about something the wrong way.

[Snark_Hunter]

@Left_Hand_of_Dorkness

It’s the only reasonable conclusion of your claims; it’s as if you told me that God communicated to me through Opposite Day on Venusian retrograde days, otherwise communicating entirely through the lost language of Mu, and would send me to hell if I didn’t understand.

Be honest, though. You don’t want me to have faith in god. You want me to have faith in you. That is, you want me to accept your ideas without subjecting your claims to critical thought.

Sorry, dude. Not gonna do it.

Don’t, then. Doesn’t hurt me in the least.

[Telemark]

@Snark_Hunter

Wrists indicate that you’re going about something the wrong way.

The hairy palms and blindness are stronger indicators.

[Human_Action]

@Snark_Hunter

First of all, let me explain what I mean when I refer to the Theory of Body Signals. It isn’t a scientific theory, but rather a spiritual one. I’ve been observing and analyzing the body signals for decades now, and I like to think I understand what they signify and their potential to change human behavior.

The theory goes like this: God is able to communicate with all mankind not only through personal revelation, prophets and the scriptures, but also physically through certain “signals” which manifest as itches, muscular twitches, cramps and pains. These signals are not God’s primary means of communicating with us, His children, but are rather supplementary in nature. He doesn’t expect us to watch every little itch or twitch and try to decode them, but they are helpful in letting us know His will in general and work out our problems.

Here, then, are what I consider to be the most important body signals:

Left side of the body symbolizes evil
Right side of the body symbolizes good
Legs symbolize thoughts
Arms and shoulder blades symbolize actions
Left ear symbolizes God’s justice
Right ear symbolizes God’s mercy
Cheeks mean God didn’t say that
Nose means choose

For example, if I think an evil thought, my left leg may itch or twitch. If I believe something God didn’t say, one of my cheeks may itch when I reference that belief in my thoughts. If I am kind to others, my right ear may itch or pulse. And so on.

…To be continued…

Is there any Biblical support for this idea?

[Snark_Hunter]

@Human_Action

Is there any Biblical support for this idea?

Stephen saw Jesus standing on the right hand of God. Somewhere it says that some people don’t know their right hand from their left, and elsewhere it mentions separating the sheep from the goats, the latter of which are found on God’s left hand.

[MrQwertyasd]

What about itchy balls ?

[MrQwertyasd]

@kayaker

My back is itchy right now in the exact spot that I cannot reach. Tell your god to stop fucking with me.

I recommend a 12" steel rule. Ch ch ch. So good.

[Snark_Hunter]

@MrQwertyasd

What about itchy balls ?

This is a touchy subject for which I’ve been ridiculed…but since you ask, they mean your judgment from God is changing, for the better (right) or for the worse (left). :eek:

[Oredigger77]

Right now my right shoulder is twitching. I was thinking about beating one of my coworkers with a tire iron. So far im likeing your theory.

Either that or I just had surgery on my right shoulder and its beet twitching for almost two weeks.

[kayaker]

@Snark_Hunter

I did nothing.

Right. OK , we’ll go with that. But thank you, nonetheless.

[Snark_Hunter]

@kayaker

Right. OK , we’ll go with that. But thank you, nonetheless.

I’m hoping this theory will help many.

[kayaker]

@Snark_Hunter

I’m hoping this theory will help many.

We need more Jonas Salks.

[hotflungwok]

So what does it mean if you fall in poison ivy? What about eczema? Or jock itch? Dandruff? Is that like god shouting at you?

And is stuff like aloe and Benedryl cream like an invention of the devil?