True, but having family vs having good friends is a matter of degree, while having someone vs having REALLY no one is a different world altogether. People who really have no one, die.
I’m in my late 30s, so being 50 is 10-15 years in the future.
I figure 50 is a good cutoff point as any. Your health is starting to decline more rapidly, and most of your peers have kids who are adults. In the future you may lose your independence.
I guess for me the biggest fears are losing your ability to take care of yourself, and social isolation.
Seriously, no.
Certainly not by 50. Or 60 as a general rule. Many of us are at the end of our 50s and well beyond and pretty damn healthy with no decline.
In terms of the risk suddenly increasing … well let’s look at disability rates. The increase is fairly linear up to “old old” which is when many more will experience more rapid functional decline.
Still your 30s are a good time to start thinking about what you want your late middle and old age to look like and planning for it. As for the taking care of yourself part the idea is to make the deposits now - both into the retirement portfolio and into your fitness bank. The best way to stay both physically and cognitively fully functional into the old age groups is to make those deposits now and in middle age just as much as the way to remain financially functional then is to make the deposits into the retirement portfolio.
As to making the choice between being single and being married, for a male like you, no book but here is an article I just stumbled on.
So the question is how you might replicate those benefits as a single man 50+.
Of note the benefits of marriage long term are not as dramatic for women.
Sure, but that’s disability, and “health starting to decline” can happen far before that. Check out this pdf. We can see healthcare expenses going up in the 50s. It’s not to the level of “disabled” but it does indicate more health problems.
The extra life expectancy doesn’t really interest me much to be honest. Perhaps that’ll change as I age, but I really don’t mind passing away in my mid 70s. If I haven’t achieved my goals by then, then living an extra 5 years wouldn’t make a difference at that point. Also according to that link you provided, 29% of people age 45-64 have a disability. That is not a small number. However that chart is also from 1992, and I’m sure the rates are lower now. Plus we have better mechanisms to compensate for disability (more tools and aides).
The biggest causes of disability are stuff you’d expect. Musculoskeletal issues, cancer, injuries, cardiovascular disease, mental illness, autoimmune disorders, etc.
For several of these the rates have gone down, but as far as musculoskeletal issues, have things actually gotten any better in the last 26 years? My impression is that bad knees, spinal stenosis, nerve pain or a slipped disc are still just things people are expected to live with. Hopefully I’m wrong and there have been meaningful improvements for these things. Also some major therapies in wide use for musculoskeletal issues (certain surgeries for example) are being found to not be effective.
I’d assume disability rates from other leading causes are declining. CVD rates are going down, there are (I’d guess) fewer injuries due to better safety equipment. Mental health treatment may be a bit better. But as far as the main cause of disability, I’m wondering if that is just as damaging as it was 26 years ago.
I understand 50 isn’t that old, but it is a good time to start seriously planning for the final years of life. My financial goal is to retire in my early 50s, which means I have to plan for the final 20-30 years of my life at that point.
My aunt is single, in her 60s and has slipped discs in her back. Things like that concern me. A person can be out of commission for a while due to that.
I don’t think there’s any right cut-off age for any of this. You do what you can, when you can, do your best, that’s it. Isn’t it?
Take housing. When you are 35 you don’t know where you are going to be living in your later years. When you are 70 there is a strong likelihood you will continue living in the same house as you have for the last couple decades so it makes sense to modify the house to make it more senior friendly (move the laundry from the basement to the first floor–as steps are a big problem for many of the elderly).
One of the things about Anxiety and Depression is that regularly tries to tell you that you are “missing out” on things, which makes you feel guilt and shame, deepening your depression.
One of the things I’ve learned for myself is that…
I’m doing that I chose to do.
I chose to be home playing on the internet, I chose to read a book, I chose to watch a movie. I didn’t choose to go out to a bar with strangers, I didn’t choose to make myself get out and socialize. I’m doing what I chose to do, and that “You should be” and “You’re missing out” can go suck eggs, because at the bottom of it, I’m choosing not to do those things. And I’m ok with that.
This is SO true. My aunt had an active social life with plenty of friends…but when she got old and needed
to move to a nursing home – it was her sister who helped facilitate it. This is precisely the thing I worry about as well, since I’m in my mid-sixties with literally no living family.
Yes, but we can only choose from among the options that are available to us. It’s hard to choose a surprise birthday party, or to have someone to come home to.
Yes, and this is good - until it’s not.
Your true and valid statement easily stretches later to become a rationalization for social isolation. And choosing real isolation is not valid for anyone. I’m an introvert and I need my alone time, but making that sweet sweet alone time permanent because “I chose this” is a real danger for an old person. Well, any person, but when you’re younger you tend to have more options.
One of the problems of being old is that eventually most of us need things done to us, not always just for us or with us as before. It’s intrusive. It sure would be nice not to have to have stuff done to me. Leave me alone. (You can see where this leads.)
Well, I guess my point is being missed. I’m pointing at the depression/anxiety inner voice that tells you to be sad, that tells you something is wrong with you because “you’re missing out”. Often people with anxiety issues will get this internal guilt/blame in their head when they’re actually doing things they enjoy doing.
I admit that I’m pretty socially isolated, but I do have a bit more contact with my immediate family, who all live in the same area (not everyone has that) and I get out every Saturday to play Pathfinder Society, which is a great social activity.
Otherwise yes, I agree that if it becomes an excuse to become completely isolated, then it is a serious problem.
50 starts “old age”??? Crap, I’m not even all that mature yet. -61
The thing you should be focusing on right now is your health and exercise. Being fit will make an exponential difference in your quality of life as you get older, even more so if you are single. When you’re single, there’s no one to help you move stuff, help you get up if you fall, look out for your heath, etc. If you start exercising now, by the time you’re 50 you may feel like you’re still in your 30’s.
If you don’t exercise, you’ll start to get lots of aches and pains in your 40’s that just get worse. Simple tasks like lifting groceries will throw out your back. Slipping off a curb may mean a serious ankle injury that takes months to heal. Instead of being independently mobile, you’ll have weight and body issues that make walking painful.
This is no joking around. This is serious advice. If you don’t keep your fitness level up, your body will decay as you get older. This will lead to major health issues later on that will be seriously difficult to address when you’re older. But if you keep your fitness level up, you can do whatever you want for as long as you want.
This hits close to home. I’m in my late 40’s, so 50 is not too far away. Single (by choice), and do not consider myself “too old” for much of anything. I don’t consider 50 to be elderly by any means, especially in a society were some people live well into their 80’s.
It’s also worth noting that the life expectancy for an American male in 1920 (roughly 100 years ago) was only 54 years old; for women, it was 66 years old (well, women generally live longer than men, anyway). Obviously, we’ve come a long way since then.
I definitely agree with staying active & exercising, etc. Also - keep the weight down, if possible. This can’t be emphasized enough - not only do obese people look older, but it can really mess your health up as you get on in years.
There are a multitude of reasons why I am glad I didn’t have children, and one of them is that I was able to retire in my late 40s because I didn’t have to spend all my money on them.
And if I did, I wouldn’t WANT them to be my full-time caregivers. No way would I want to destroy someone else’s career, marriage, relationships with their own children, etc.
I am counting on my kids to care for me in my oldage. I am gonna move in their houses complain about and spoil their kids and argue about everything under the sun. Generally make them miserable.
Well… that’s what I told them when they left home. The ingrates.