I don’t mean this as a universal rule - goodness knows we don’e need more inane legislation. I mean for you, personally, yourself (got it?) at what age or stage of life do you expect you wouldn’t actively seek a partner/mate/spouse/main squeeze/SO? When do you hang up your dating shoes?
I’m nearly 52, and this December, we’ll have been married 22 years. My husband gets in these moods where he’ll tell me “You’ll just get rid of me and find someone better…” and I assure him that I’m too old to train another one.
But it’s gotten me thinking and if something should happen to him and I find myself single at this stage of my life, I’m pretty sure I’d just stay that way. Face it, people develop habits and patterns, and the older they get, the more developed said patterns become. I can’t imagine having a new man in my life trying to adjust to my patterns, nor do I want to deal with someone else’s quirks.
Then there’s the whole “dating” thing. Criminy, I hardly did that in my youth. I’m not a bar or club person. I like to go to sleep about 9 or so. I don’t like movies or bowling. Face it, I’m not fun to be with if you haven’t been with me for years and settled into my life.
So, share please. If the love of your life was suddenly abducted by aliens, never to be seen again, do you think you’d eventually seek companionship or would you settle into a solo lifestyle? Or at what point, if ever, do you think you’d opt out of the pool?
I think about this daily. I’m 39 and going through my 2nd divorce. I’m leaning towards the opting out of a relationship at this point.
Same thing here, I have my ways and finding a person who would be fine with all my oddness, finding an oddball that I could put up with, well, the odds just aren’t in my favor.
Men ask me out frequently, but none have any spark to me and I turn them all down.
I’ve considered finding a “special friend” that just comes and goes a couple nights a week, but, no real desire. Won’t die without it. If I come across the right guy who has that spark, I’d consider that (and my question is, how young is too young).
The relationship thing, I think I’m done with that. If there is a Mr. Right for me in this world, he would have to clobber me on the head with a huge club, repeatedly for me to get the idea. Then there would have to be much begging and romancing on his part to get a chance. It’s just not going to happen.
Good news is, I enjoy being alone and I’m fine this way. I just wish I was a bit older starting this phase of life.
OTOH, I was 42 and divorced when I met my wonderful current wife.
I don’t think you can set an arbitrary age. If a Mr./Mrs Right comes along and you’re single, you’ll Go For It at age 80, I guess.
If the right person doesn’t come along, well then…
I know there are folks lots older than I am who find love again - I’m just wondering what people here think their limit is. I certainly don’t say I’ll hide in my room forever, but I won’t be out looking like I was in my 20s. Assuming my husband is gone before me…
I’m almost 46. If something would happen to my husband, I think I would try to find love again. My husband, age 52, however, says I’ll be the only woman for him for the rest of his life. I think that’s sad. If I were hit by a truck tomorrow, I would hate to think that he would go through the rest of his life alone and/or lonely.
I’m 40 (how the hell did I get that old?) and I’ve been with my hubby for 12 years. If something happened to him, I would probably grieve and wear black for at least a year. Then since I crave companionship and I’m a sex monkey, I’d probably partner again. But my current hubby would always be “the love of my life” and he would be the one that I would hope that is waiting on me when I pass on(if such thing exists)…much like the death scenes of Ruth and David in Six Feet Under where they were partnered again, but their first spouses were there waiting on them.
Now if I could find a “friends w/benefits” aka a FB, then maybe I would not partner again, but I would like to live with a close friend as enter my senior years and just have the FB come by for fulfillment.
But like I said, I’m a sex monkey so looking/having some type of partner would always be in the works for me until the day I die.
I’d probably stay single. OldGuy and I are extremely compatible - I got it right on the third try. I can’t imagine a fourth marriage. Actually I can’t imagine finding another partner as compatible as I have now. I wouldn’t avoid relationships - it’s great to have someone in my life who shares my interests. I just don’t see making another commitment for the 30 or so years I have left.
I’m 52, been effectively divorced for 7 years and been dabbling off and on in online dating for 3 years. And I recently found a very strong prospect for a new Special Someone. I think fitting two lives together with all the habits and baggage at this age will be a challenge, but I can’t see giving up and staying single. Life is better when there’s someone to share it with. But I suspect it’s taken me as long as it has to find someone at this age because they have to be a *really *good fit to make it work.
And I do have to share the story of my aunt, who was a stereotypical “old maid schoolteacher.” She was pushing 80, having a harder and harder time taking care of herself, but resistant to moving into a retirement home, thinking that she’d just be “going there to die.” But she finally made the move, met a guy there, and was a first-time bride at the tender age of 82!
This is pretty arbitrary, and honestly this is the first time I’ve ever thought about this, but I’d say that maybe if I were 60 and such a thing happened, I’d say “eh, I’ll spend the rest of my life single”. Not that I would actively KEEP myself single, but I’d kind of figure that it’s a safe assumption.
For some reason (maybe because of my mom, who remarried when she was 52) the fifties don’t seem “too old” to actively get out there and date, but I think I’d be too past all that at 60. If I happened to meet someone, cool, but I think you and I would be sitting there playing rummy most of the time!
Jeez, I opted out years ago–or, rather, out opted me. My last longterm relationship ended in, hmmm, 1989 or so? After that, I dated for a few years, less and less as time went on, and now I probably haven’t been out with a guy (romantically, I mean) . . . Can’t even remember. Maybe in ten years?
Not that it’s tragic or anything–everyone gets old (except Kim Cattrall), and I love living alone. Couldn’t even imagine making room in my life for a husband or boyfriend at this point.
I’m 34 and if my husband and I were separated by death or divorce, I think I’d stay single. Me with my cats. Crazy cat lady comin’ right up.
I love him. But at times it feels like his illnesses have broken something loose inside me. I’ve become a disbeliever. I don’t trust anything about the world any more. I don’t think I could fall in love again.
I’m wondering if it’s telling that so far only women have responded. Mostly the answers seem to be … Nope… I’ll just be a spinstress living with cats unless prince charming lands in my lap… and he better hold on to his own place.
As a guy. 41. Single again. I can’t imagine living alone for the rest of my life.
I just came back from another message board where there is a 500+ post thread going on full of men complaining that they don’t like women older than 25, why they don’t want any American woman because she’ll get fat and bitchy, why they don’t want a woman who has more of a career than a secretary. I am so depressed.
Although I don’t think you’re ever too old for love, I’m not so sure about myself. I’ve been divorced for a while, and the older I get, the more I think there just isn’t anyone out there I’d really want to be around that much. I’m an oddball, and it just seems really unlikely that I’ll ever find anyone with compatible oddnesses. I guess it could happen, but I’m not very hopeful.
This subject is a little bittersweet for me. My dad died ten years ago. My mom moved back to her hometown about seven years ago to take care of her parents. She has strong feelings for one of her childhood friends, but it hasn’t gone anywhere because he’s my grandma’s neighbor, and she’s really territorial, so she doesn’t like any of her neighbors. So she’d probably be a little upset if Mom started seeing this neighbor-guy.
I’m turning 45 next month and I’ve been married for 19 years. If something happened to my husband and I found myself single, I can’t see myself either closing off from all possibliies or going out purposefully looking for a new man. I think I’d just live the life I want to live, and take whatever came – whether that meant permanent spinsterhood or a new flame.
I’m 46, male, never married. I haven’t come to the point where I think I’ll ever completely rule out the possibility of finding a life partner. It just seems increasingly unlikely that I’ll find a person else sufficiently compatible that we can mutually accomodate a lifetime of habits. I’ll always try to remain open to the right person coming along, but before too many years pass by I suppose I may not actively seek a partner any more.
I just turned 53, been with my husband for almost 12 years (lived together for 10 1/2 years, got married in 2004). And if something (God forbid!) happened to him, I’d look for someone else, at least just to hang around with. I wouldn’t necessarily care to be married again, but I enjoy male companionship and would hate to give it up.
