Boomers: Why Do People Act Old Before They Are?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Boomers: Why Do People Act Old Before They Are?

I’ve been wondering about this for twenty years or so. *There are a whole lot of us Boomers. *So why is it that it’s so hard to meet other people in my agerange (I’m now 50) who have similar interests? I grew up in Socal, so I recognize that some people who grew up in less progressive areas might not have experienced what I did in my youth. But still…tons of us listened to the same music, read sf&f, [just examples here, OTTOMH] enjoyed the same films, ate granola and all that that implies, shared similar sexual openness or political ideals. But as early as my late 20s in the working world, I found others of my age to be listening to crap “old people” music, reading best sellers or nothing at all, becoming more conservative and generally less open and flexible. It was hard, even then, to find similar people. Now, at 50, those with our generation’s characteristic approach to life seem to be rarer and rarer.

Let me just clarify that I don’t cling to my lost youth as some way to avoid aging. I’m proud of my age and look forward to the changes ahead, and I never try desperate measures to “stay young”. I don’t dress in lowslung jeans with highslung thongs, nor do I want to pierce my navel or have plastic surgery. I just wonder why so many boomers start to dress old, think old, act old, and become more rigid generally, before they significantly biologically decline with age. I recognize that having a family and accumulating assets might change one’s viewpoint. Life experience teaches us new lessons, we discover new interests, change in many ways, but heck, I’ve done all that and it hasn’t changed the type of music I like (old or new), my interest in sf&f, my openness, nor my general view of the world…

Am I an exception, or is there some cool hideout the rest of you boomers inhabit that I don’t know about?

2

shrug I’m not a Boomer, but my parents are, and they’re still liberals who listen to loud music. Same thing with their friends.

Maybe you’re hanging out with the wrong sort of people.

3

Damn!

4

As one of the first of the Boomers, I have changed a good many of my ideas over time – if you don’t change at all over 50+ years, you’ve kind of wasted your time, haven’t you? That said, what do you mean by “old people’s music?” Classic Rock ‘n’ Roll? Pink Floyd? Frank Sinatra? Beethoven? I still like now most of the music I liked when I was 30. I hate much of the new so-called music, which seems to consist of whining and screeching, or of loud industrial noises. Gimme some Floyd or some Paul Simon any day.

I still like SF (but not fantasy), but I find that my earlier view of the world was more than a little bit naive.

5

“Crap old people music?” I would guess it’s because they’re individuals, that “generational characteristics,” whatever that means, are broad, sweeping, categorical phenomena that can only rarely be applied to any given individual of that generation, and that, as individuals, they find that they like “crap old people music” better.

I, a Gen-Xer, for instance, like “crap old people music” (by this I mean early 20th century folk music such as blues, country blues, country, bluegrass, etc.) a lot more than 60’s politicized pop folk because 1) the former is, in general, far more emotional and “authentic” than the latter, and 2) I think the 60’s folk explosion irretrievably killed “real” folk music.

Jesus, what an offensive term. Music is music.

6

I am thinking what was meant by old people’s music is that easy listening mess. Music that has every bit of interest takne out of it. I too am shocked that there are people in my age group that would listen to that instead of the rock we grew up listening to, or country or any other genre of music that hasn’t been urned into stringed drivel. Nothing worse than hearing the Rolling Stones as elevator music. I would rather listen to rap.

I have always thought that the reason other 50 year olds seem so much older is they have fallen into the idea of this is how you are supposed to act. They got married, raised kids and now are grandparents and have bought the idea that they are old and old folks do certain things. I have friends who are scared to leave thier house at night, female friends who wear nothing but polyester and some whose entire lives revolve around their health. They have whole lists of do’s and don’ts to live by. Can’t eat pizza cause they “might” get indigestion, take an antacid for goodness sake. Can’t go out on a cold rainy evening, might get a cold. Can’t go on a trip by themselves, can’t drive to another city by themselves or at night. It’s like they read somewhere that at 50 you have to stay at home, watch TV, and carry portfolios of grandbaby pictures and feel sorry for those of us who don’t

7

adhemar: Geez. You are hanging out with a weird crowd. My husband has climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro and been to every continent except Antarctica. I don’t travel as much because I have less vacation time, but I’ve also been to several European countries, Tahiti, and Australia. Next month we’re both going to Libya to see the total solar eclipse.

There are sometimes varied reasons for some of the practices you’re complaining about, though. I prefer not to drive at night because my eyes don’t deal well with the glare of headlights in the dark. My eye doctors say I’ve got a slight cataract but nothing that should be operated on now. I don’t walk as well as I used to because of my spinal arthritis. When you have a lot of health problems, your life of necessity must deal with that on a daily basis.

Regarding music: ANYTHING is better than nasty, overly loud rap “music.” In that area I am an old fogey. I hate noise and do not understand why every single public venue feels it necessary to blast either nasty stuff or Muzak. But then, I’ve always been that way. Comes from having grown up in a library.

The problem is excessive generalization. Else I’d get into a rant about “young people these days,” ignoring that a huge number are doing wonderful, creative, useful and generally beautiful things with their lives, just like the baby boomers.

8

You should really give it another chance. When rap is good (check out Aesop Rock or MF Doom, for example,) it’s as profound as any other form of music on the planet. Aesop Rock’s poetry and delivery is absolutely mind-blowing. It’s very much like listening to Hendrix play guitar, only with words.

9

So you noticed the phenomenon too. Easy, or elevator music is right on target. Of course my taste in music changes with my experiences, but I still prefer instrumental/vocal rock/blues, as many of us did back then. I often wonder why it’s “socially unbecoming” or, at the very least, startling that I’m a 50-year-old woman who enjoys sf and even gasp gaming. Why do people believe aesthetic or recreational preferences need to be left behind? And what if I want to date around a bit and enjoy life? That’s probably “inappropriate” for my age too. Is dating at 50+ about holding hands on a porch in identical rocking chairs? What’s wrong with travelling alone or taking risks or trying new and unusual things at 50+? Or maybe I should say, why do people stop taking risks, trying new things, or travelling alone, just because they’re “of an age”? Why do people kill their own unique spirit before they’re dead?

Btw Ogre, I actually wrote, then deleted a PC disclaimer about individual variation, but I’ve started to bristle at the need to disclaim everything I say. I still did a fair amount of tapdancing and tiptoeing in my OP as it is.

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That is a legitimate reason to not drive after dark, the folks I am talking about don’t frive after dark becasue they are afraid something might happen and it would be dark and while they could call someone on their cell phone, it would be dark. Tehy just seem to be afraid.

On the other hand, my parents go on trips for months at a time. My brother claims they are in the witness protection program bercause they often travel to the backside of nowhere like the artic circle. The HR dept was shocked when i told them I couldn’t get thier SS # needed for an insurance form because I didn’t know when they would be back in phone range and the last I heard form them they were above the arctic circle.

11

I will be 50 in two and a half years. I don’t have any friends my age, because they are a lot like the people you describe. Frankly, that scares me. They look and act like my parents, and I never, ever wanted to hang out with my parents. Now, I can’t afford to go globetrotting, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to spend the rest of my life planted in front of the TV, never going anywhere or doing anything. And I refuse to listen to aural wallpaper for any reason. I don’t feel old, I don’t think old and I don’t look old. When I do look old, it’ll be a byproduct of the passage of time. I will not be an old fart, and I will never know the melody of anything by Yanni or Mannheim Steamroller. When I go to the home, my Zeppelin records are going with me.

12

I think that boomers listen to easy listening mostly because of Clear Channel. They own about 80% of the radio available in the country and they will only play soft rock. Given my druthers, (when I’m not listening to symphonic or Celtic or Bluegrass, all of which I enjoy a lot), I would listen to a lot of Rock and Roll from 1964 - 1973 and a fair amount of music from 1956 - 1983, or so. But in that range, I never hear any decent Doors, The Who, Arthur Brown, Iron Butterfly, Jimmi Hendrix, or even Jefferson Airplane or Yes on the radio. (Not picking favorites, particularly, but stuff I realize I have not heard in a while.) Clear Channel has a playlist of about 200 songs that they play to death, and there are at least four or five styles of Rock and Roll that are never aired on a Clear Channel station.

I’ll listen to more recent stuff and older pre-Rock pop, as well, but I don’t go out of my way to find it.

As to eating habits, I never thought that burgers and pizza we the end-all and be-all of eating and I eat a lot more varied stuff than I did as a kid.

I’m still reading F&SF and the newer Realms of Fantasy (and looking for original authors that have not been sucked into the Dragonlance vortex). I also read a lot of other stuff, only coincidentally if it happens to be a best seller. (And don’t kid yourself: books like Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas were bestsellers.)

13

Being an uppity youngster at 42, I’ll take a stab at it. I think some of it is a change from youthful idealism to wayward experience; from “I’m invicible” to “several people I know have died, and they were so young”; from “I’m not going to stop until I drop from exhaustion or the drugs take over” to “I’ve got to stop from exhaustion and the drugs have taken over.” Youth have their energy, young bodies and an idealistic idea of how the world should be. Then as spouses, children, jobs and friends come and go, they realize that the world is not as new and exciting as they thought it would be. Some succumb to cynicism as they fight the system head on and fail. Others realize there’s money and power to be had within the system and are seduced. A small fraction retain their idealism, infitrate the system and change it from within.

I don’t act like my father (as I remember him at that time) when he was 42. It bothers me at times, because I feel like I’m not doing what I’m supposed to. I am very different from him, not just because of who I am, but also because of the decades I grew up in and the things we know now that we didn’t know then. I expect that my children will also be as far removed from who I was at 42 when they are 42, because the world they are growing up in is very different from the 70s and 80s for me. The one thing we will have in common is a trend that started in the the latter 60s: eternal youth.

We have a newer culture based on celebration of youth, and as the boomers grow older, I’ve seen it turn into a culture of youthful thought and attitude as the inevitable aging of the body progresses. This may also be the way in which we restore dialogue between youth and older folks: they have attitudes that can be related to the chronological youth of today, filtered through experience to give visions of a realistic future. Or I could be talking out my ass on that. But the point is that I don’t act my age compared to my parents or grandparents, and I’m trying not to succumb to “acting old,” despite the gray hairs on my head and in my beard.

Vlad/Igor
(who is working on enduring a never-before-attempted 40 mile bike ride and who wants to climb Mt. Olympus)

14

Well, I’m 51 and I don’t understand the phenomenon either. I loathe easy listening music, still love rock music (and other types) and voraciously read all sorts of stuff, including SF/F, but I do know many people my age (and a bit younger, too) who are as Brightpenny described. I have wondered if the difference is that I’ve never married or had kids. I’ve never had to be responsible for anyone but myself, so haven’t even tried to behave “as befits an older person”. So, consider me equally puzzled.

15

Maybe not. I was married for 17 years and have two kids.

16

I don’t mean to say that the choices I listed above are the only ones. I suspect that for some people as they get bit by life they pull back, shy away and play it safe: milquetoast music, risks avoided and no opportunities taken. Others will bite back and fight, leading more dynamic and accomplished lives. I think it’s a function of perception, how a personality reacts and/or unfulfilled expectations that lead to certain choices.

Vlad/Igor

17

We live in Palm Springs, so we are basically teenagers compared to the general population. We go to Coachella Music Festival every year, Mr. beckwall has the same taste in music as his 16 year old daughter, and we travel all over whenever we can afford it. I’ve been to 6 continents and various tropical islands. What made me feel old was having my hip replaced last year, but I’m close to pre-op condition now. Forget “50 is the new 40”, I’ll go for the new 30. I definitely do dress “older” now, just because I want to be comfortable and don’t really care what people think. I’m guessing that’s a big difference between me and some of my 50 year old girlfriends.

Right before Coachella last year, I had a bad car accident. I went to the festival anyway, in a wheelchair, with a sign on the back that said “Weezer Geezer On Board”. I was interviewed by an Orange County newspaper, and so many people came up and shook my hand and took pictures. Fun!

18

Couple of thoughts on the matter (as a Gen Xer):

  1. Boomers tended to settle down with jobs, get married and buy houses much earlier in life. These responsibilities tend to take away time for acting young (basically goofing off with your buddies and following pop culture trends)

  2. Some people are like that in every generation.

  3. It is a statistical fact that kids these days are taking longer to enter the “adult” world of marriage, kids, home ownership and steady career. My parents owned their first house and had me in their mid 20s. Most of my friends got married in their late 20s and 30s are are only now starting to have children.

  4. You are, in fact, old. Or at least older. You don’t see the world the same way at 50 that you do at 20.
    Interestingly, most of my friends are in their 20s. I’m 33 and easily pass for 26 in both appearance and attitude. I always thought that was kind of a nice age. Old enough to achieve some of the benefits of adulthood (money) but still young enough to not have any major responsibilities.

19

I live by my signature - “I’m too young to be this old!”

At fourty-six, I’m still doing what I did at sixteen, to an extent. Music? Alice Cooper and the classic rock station. (Btw, catch his radio show five nights a week. Classic rock, but NOT the same 200. Album cuts, oddities, covers, anything and everything, served up with a LOT of humour.) I’m also getting exposed to a lot of new music, including Rap, by my young work partner. Liking it, too.

Literature? Well, that’s a but different. I now write more than I read, mostly thanks to message boards like this one. I’m actually covering a lot more topics and, in fact, a lot of those topics are more, uh, topical. In my teens and twenties, I was into the Teens and Twenties - F. Scott Fitzgerald, Maughm, etc.

Interests? I’ve always loved animals and being “onstage”, but I only started working at the zoo five years ago and I just began doing presentations last fall. So I spread my wings a bit late - I’m still flyin’!

Dress? Lessee - jeans, black long sleeved tee, biker jacket. I dress “tougher” if anything. As a teen it was polyester pants and blouses.

One thing that keeps me to the “young” end of the scale is that I interact with a lot of young people. To begin with, my own sons are nineteen and seventeen. My work partner is in her early twenties, and most of our volunteers are in their teens or twenties. The friends I have that are my age tend to have the same outlook. One is past sixty and still listens to heavy metal. She also raises snakes and got tattoos for the first time a couple of years ago.

On the other side, my hubby, at fifty-two, is “old”. He’s lost a lot of interest in everything, so much so that I suspect he might be a bit depressed. It’s better now that he’s working again, and he can still joke around and laugh, but he’s just…old. Fortunately, it’s not a problem between us. He’s not expecting me to act like him.

I remember my friend’s parents at my age, and I don’t feel like them at all.

20

In my 50’s (we’ll leave it at that) and own my own home and am going with my SO on Thursday for our 25th anniversary.

I play the classic rock station on my car radio full blast, have CD’s of Janis Joplin, Led Zepplin, Hendix, Doors…and don’t blame me for Dubya getting elected! I truly hate the fact that people who grew up in my generation have turned into mindless xenophobes more concerned with the price of gas for their Hummers than the fact that American kids are being needlessly slaughtered in Iraq.

Maybe it is just my circle of friends, Gay and Straight, but we have all travelled the world, continue to read newspapers, magazines and books, go see movies, watch documentaries, and remember where we came from.

Unfortunately, I think a lot of people my age…how can I say this…if their college-aged personality would see what they have become, there would have been a rash of suicides in the 60’s.

Don’t give me this bullshit about “family responsibilities and children have made me see things differently”…the environment sucks, current politics suck, and almost every goal we had back then has been systematically destroyed. Where is your outrage?!

For a generation that showed such promise, I am ashamed at what has happened.