This is mundane and pointless but I just want to share: my wife just called to tell me that she can’t wait for me to get home tonight for some naked sweaty fun.
I love calls like that.
Shhhhhh, stop being happily married! You’ll depress the rest of us. 
Please let this be like the thread about how to tell your lover you want sex from afar.
I wish I got calls like that. 
She wants you to clean the bathroom
We prefer to send those messages by text. But now the kid is home. She was supposed to be leaving for the weekend straight from work. Oh, well, better late than never, I suppose.
These are pretty much what I came here to post.
Thanks honey, but I already had a hot bubble bath this morning.
I offered someone just that, this morning. I think he’s gonna take me up on it.
Best case scenario: Sex
Worst case scenario: She’s figured out a way she doesn’t have to wash your clothes after you get done installing insulation in the attic.