Sorry. The second “The top ten she could hum” should read: “Her mouth of chewing gum”
Aiiieee! A ballhog!
On which, I believe, were inscribed the cruel runes “Villanova”.
Great stuff.
*Either Arglebargle I or somebody else.
O uncool bush! Unloose this passle
Of furry cats that you hassle!
Tho’ by speed my brain’s destroyed,
I’m not half this paranoid!
So cease this bummer, down the freakout,
Let caps and joints cause brains to leak-out.
These cats are groovy here among us,
So leave 'em be, you uptight fungus!
Tim, Tim, Benzedrine!
Hash! Boo! Valvoline!
Clean! Clean! Clean for Gene!
First, second, neutral, park,
HIE THEE HENCE, you leafy narc!
(I’m somewhat ashamed to admit that the foregoing was from memory. . . . )
Dere Freetoad,
Sorri yuu copped out so erly lazt nite. Here’s sum magik beens to tide yuo over.
I still prefer Doon.
But Bored of the Rings has its moments. To wit:
That’s a scene you definitely don’t want to leave out of the movie version.
I tried to watch the first movie, even under the influence of marijuana, and still I could not get much from it. It is a beautifully made picture. It had some cool qualities, it just requires someone who has read the books first who is a real “nerd” on the “LOTR” series. LOTR takes more available brain cells to understand than Star Trek movies. And really except for II and IV, getting high on a ST movie is a waste of your buzz.
If you are interested in LOTR, read the books. A friend of mine tried to get me to read the books 15-20 years ago, but I refused saying that I prefer real Medieval history over anything made up. This is why I like movies like “The messenger” by Milla Jovovich that covers the life of the Joan of Arc. That’s good stuff to me, not make believe crap like elves. But I love a lot of Science Fiction, so yes, I am somewhat of an artistic hypocrite.
SENOR
Are you aware, E T Bass, that this is not actually a Lord of the Rings movie review thread?
Bored of the Rings sounds like a perfect xmas gift for a Tolkien-geek friend-of-the-family. Ta, all!
A bunch of mean and nasty men
who all think Sorhed’s numba ten!
What need we the strength of thirty?
We can win by fighting dirty!
I suspect that E T Bass was probably still under the influence of marijuana when he posted in this thread.
Ah, Pepsi and Moxie, the Dingleberry twins.
Haf Gangree and his son Spam.
Serutan spelled backwards is mud!
And who can forget “the land of the knee-walking turkeys”?
Me must not forget the Balrog brandishing a faggot…
“We” must not…I’m sitting too close to Bass.
I loved how much food appeared in BotR. Since they wrote it while eating junk food–and hoping to earn enough for an actual meal, I suppose it’s to be expected. Along with our heros, Frito and Spam, we have their friends Moxie (now revealed to be a soft drink) and Pepsi.
And on to Poland water, King at Ribroast, and I forget what all else.
But when they throw the sheep into the mouth of the Thesaurus…well!
“You dieth, GI” said the faggot…
My only quibble about BOTR is that the funniness quotient peaks at the beginning and goes straight down. I truly believe the map and the Prologue are the best stuff; that line about “shadow falling on the land so the potatoes grew no more” makes me giggle just typing it.
I have very fond memories of my first reading of BotR. We had stopped in Bemidji, Minnesota after a field trip to the Twin Cities and I ensconced myself back with the luggage (there was one sitting spot available). As we proceeded homewards I suspect I was freaking out my classmates as I cackled with deranged glee reading at warp speed. Prologue, ‘a half drowned rat could take a boggie best two out of three’, Tim, Goodgulf, The Ballhog, The Green Giant, The V8s, Sorehed and the Roitanners. At the time I could scarce conceal my dismay at the audacity and perfect pointedness of all the jibes. Sure there were reams of juvenile silliness but the ‘love’ in the piece was oh so evident.
I even snorted at the ‘authors note’ wherein they point out if you hear the distant sound of bells…“that’s us sucker! CHING!”
To nitpick, it was the lead narc:
Some other favorite passages of mine"
Groin, to Frito: “May you buy cheap and sell dear!”
Frito: “Thank you. May your hemorrhoids shrink without surgery!”
Why do I hear this in a Johnny Carson voice?
Of course you guys all knoiw that by getting the love ‘n’ beads era references (Harold Stassen, Clean for Gene, Goodgulf), you’re all dating yourselves. I was in 2nd grade when BOTR was published . . . 35 years ago!
That said, my favorite line from BOTR is, “Any small, slow, stupid creature that turned its back on a crowd of boggies was looking for a stomping.”
followed by
"The water was nowhere more than a few feet deep, and the boggies had little difficulty making their way across.
“This is indeed a queer river,” said Bromosel, as the water lapped at his thighs."
OK, I’m 42 years old, and oddly enough, re-read “Bored of the Rings” a week prevoius to this thread. So I feel special.
Anyway, I get dang near all the jokes and references but the Riders of RoiTanners is eluding me.
What’s the reference?
