Her sister had a heart attack a couple of months ago.
Her sister had a stroke a few weeks ago.
And now…
Someone broke into her house in the afternoon the other day. They cut the fence, kicked in a door, and went directly to their safe. They took the safe, containing all of her gems and jewelry, everything her husband had ever given her over more than four decades, insurance documents, titles, passports, etc. They took a couple of antique guns. They took her jewelry box containing her cheap jewelry.
On top of everything else she’s been dealing with, someone comes and kicks her when she’s down. She’s barely holding it together (and losing it briefly, too). She’s not only lost heirlooms, which cannot be replaced with insurance, but she knows that she and her family have been watched so that the burglars knew when they were away from home. If you’ve ever been burgled, you know how that makes you feel violated. To know that someone has been watching you… That’s even worse.
I feel I should ‘do something’ for my boss in the way of moral support. I’m not much of a hugger. Actually, I compartmentalize negative emotions. So… A sympathy card? What is appropriate?
I’m not sure what you should give her, but that break-in sure sounds like it was done by somebody with insider knowledge on where to look.
ETA: Get her a nice bottle of her favorite booze.
The only people who have been there have been the landscapers, and they never went into the house. She doesn’t want to point a finger at them yet. They were paid in cash though, and might have assumed that someone the age of my boss and her husband would have a safe – and assumed a typical place for one.
There have been other burglaries in the neighbourhood, and one neighbor saw a guy looking into her (the neighbour’s) home. The police didn’t seem to be particularly interested in investigating, advising my boss to file a claim with her insurance company.
Geez. From the title, I thought this was the most flippant thread title ever about domestic violence.
A lot of this depends on how close you are to your boss, I guess, but at the moment I think one of the best things you can do is be excellent at your job and do what you can to reduce her stress levels in the office.
When we have clients going through rough patches (or to celebrate good things) my wife and I like to put together little gift baskets. We don’t spend much on any single item, so we can do a basket with a dozen little things for $50 or so. We tend to focus on guilty pleasure items that are consumable so that people aren’t saddled with a million nick-knacks.
In a case like this, and knowing that it’s a woman, chocolate would be a given, probably in a couple of forms. There’s a fortified chocolate wine we’ve given out before. Something salty like potato chips or pretzels (possibly chocolate-covered). Hot cocoa, tea bags or spiced cider drink mixes, perhaps with a mug included. Nuts and caramels are also good. A thing or two in the home spa/bubble-bath department like bath salts or scented soaps. A scented candle or two.
Include a card with a couple of thoughtful comments. Wrap up the basket in crinkly plastic - all the better to make sure your scented items make a good first impression on the senses.
The first image that came to my mind was that he was being dipped in a mixture of flour, beer and seasoning in preparation for deep frying. Something nice would be to serve a nice dip or two and plenty of napkins.
I really feel for your boss - that’s a long and very hard streak of hardship to have to deal with. And I can understand your desire to offer her some condolence or support. To that end, I know that flowers and candy are welcome when there’s a piece of bad news, but I can’t help but think in this case the severity of the situation would make those sorts of gifts seem flippant. Who cares about candy when your sense of security is at stake? I wish I had better answers for what to do, but wanted to at least say that some of the niceties may not be as well received as they normally would.
Yeah, when I am in a situation where I could use ‘sympathy and support’ I generally just want people to leave me the hell alone. I’ve been watching The Bridge, and I can kind of relate to the Sonya character, who as Asperger’s Syndrome. (I don’t; but, but as I said, I compartmentalise.)
I thought about that, but offering helpful solutions would not be the right thing at the moment. To me, it’s like saying, ‘Oh, how awful! This is what happened to me…’ I know we all do it, but I’m trying not to do that.
How about just a nice “Thinking of You” card with a (sincere) offer of assistance in whatever you could do or just an ear to talk to. Sometimes just recognizing that the person is going through a difficult time is a good support. A “you’re not alone” type of thing.