Heck, no, I don’t regret bottlefeeding ANY of my children.
I am one of those rare people that could not produce enough breast milk to keep a small rat alive. It didn’t work with my daughter, I tried again with our son and just about had a nervous breakdown when he got down past 5% of his birth weight (he was only 5 pounds, 13 ounces to begin with), so I didn’t bother with our daughter.
All three children are extremely healthy: my last two have not had so much as an ear infection.
Sorry, but this is a real touchy subject. Down here they push breastfeeding really hard, and I felt like I had messed up when my son started losing weight.
I breastfed, my best pal bottlefed, and whose kid got all those blasted ear infections? Mine. I breastfed because (a) my sister did, so it seemed like “the thing to do,” and (b) I’m too cheap to buy formula. (My pal’s husband is a pediatrician, and they got formula for free.)
Sure, the babies supposedly get lots of great antibodies from breastmilk, but the downside (aside from never being able to tell your husband “it’s your turn” at 2am) is that you never really know how much your kid is drinking, so you have to carefully watch for signs of dehydration.
Bottom line: you’re going to be doing a LOT of it, so do whichever one you are more comfortable with. I was bottlefed, and so was my entire extended family of my generation, and it doesn’t seem to have done us any harm. And, my 60-something mother is still “perky!”
If you want to have a really great bond with your child, breastfeed them. Do it until you ween them onto solid foods. It’s the only way to have an amazingly strong bond with your child.
I’m not a mother, so i’m open to arguments. I’m just stating what an experienced person told me.
When I was born (in 1978), I was little and sickly, so they stuck me an incubator and wouldn’t let my mom breastfeed me. She was (and still is) a hippie, so she said, “Damn the man” and snuck in to breastfeed me. The next day the doctors and nurses were all amazed at how much better I suddenly was, so they let her “start” breastfeeding me.
Now, I can understand not being able to breastfeed your baby because your breasts just aren’t making milk or you have some infectious disease, but it really bothers me when people associate breasts with sex so much that they forget what they’re really there for. I’m all for modern technology and rooms with square corners and orange juice in cartons, but don’t forget that we’re still sacks of gloopy meat; we can’t automate everything and surround our entire lives in stainless steel and antiseptic white plastic.
Damn, maybe I should build a shack in Montana.
Where’s the debate? And what’s with the cross posting?
Ahem.
I have an amazingly strong bond with my son, & I didn’t breast-feed him.
I also wonder what’s with the cross posting. (not to mention, the lack of anything but the not working link in the OP).
Breast feeding is one of ‘those’ topics to me. Intensly personal - I’d never think of asking a woman to ‘splain why she was or wasn’t (tho’ I’ll admit to the cultural bias that wonders why a woman would breast feed a 5 year old child, still wouldn’t ** ever** ask the woman to justify herself to me).
For me personally, I really resented folks asking me about it when my son was an infant. The decision for us was made using all the available information, issues specific to us. I am satisfied that we made the best decision for us, and it really isn’t subject to review by others.
Sorry, but I caught a lot of that (also a bunch of crap about ‘you didn’t really need to have a c-section’) and it still rankles. case in point:
Please be careful with such statements. Unless you have uncontrovertable scientific proof of this allegation (and since in human sciences they rarely use terms such as ‘the only way’, I doubt that you do), it implies that for those women who could not or did not (for any variety of excellent reasons) breast feed, they are allowed to feel guilty and less than the perfect mom. It’s really quite nice that you have an amazingly strong bond with your child, please don’t assume that I don’t.
First, you might want to discover the difference between bond and attach. Bonding is a biological process. Some experts do not believe humans even do it (I don’t agree, I think humans do bond). It happens during gestation, and perhaps (there is some disagreement here) during the first several hours post birth. Attachment is the establishment of a trust relationship between baby (or child, or even adult) and adult.
Second, as an adoptive mom of a very well attached child - I would have to disagree with your assertion; there are plenty of well-attached children who didn’t breastfeed. And a few with attachment disorders who were breastfed. Unfortutely, there is no “only way” to do anything with your children that will guarentee a result.
Hi, Kate! Welcome to the Straight Dope! 
Seriously.
Constructive criticism time, okay?
Kate, you now have three threads going with identical OPs on this same bottlefeeding poll, one of which, posted in GQ yesterday, was locked by Jill, with the following comment.
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=68432
So you posted it in IMHO, (which BTW, Kate, is the proper forum for polls,) although you still posted the same non-working code as the GQ thread.
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=68451
Stephen very kindly told you:
And you also posted it here in GD, but still with the wrong code and still with no question, comment, or debate. And this is all called “cross-posting”, which is where you post the identical OP in more than one forum. This is a definite no-no here, but you get one freebie, so relax.
When you post a GD thread, we need to have something to chew on. It isn’t enough just to post a link and expect us to run with the ball. Tell us, what do you think about it all? That gives us a starting point for the debate.
Also, of course, please read the forum descriptions more carefully. General Questions is for questions that have a factual answer (“why is my cat vomiting?”). IMHO is for polls and what we refer to as “Great Debates Lite” (“Persians vs. Abyssinians”). Great Debates is for Issues, and we prefer that you have something more in the OP than just a link, or a “what do you think about this?” Asking just, “What do you think about this?” counts as a “poll”, 'kay?
And finally, we’re not asking that you master the Art of vB code overnight, but all you have to do on this message board, to post a link, is to copy and paste the URL of whatever website you’re referring to. We don’t need the fancy-schmancy blue print link. We’re grownups, we can manage with just the http:
Okay? Again, welcome! You’re batting .750 which is good. You got 3 out of 4 threads in the right forum, so yay for you! (said with no sarcasm whatsoever) Some people never do figure it out, you know. And eventually they leave. Your car seat GQ was a good one, BTW.
First off, the true crime is that any mother regrets whatever decision she made in feeding her baby. There are so many more important things to regret when raising kids (like introducing sweets too early, so your kids beg for candy and pop, or not saying no often enough, so your kids treat you like the pushover you are).
Second:
My breasts have spent years attracting the opposite sex, they’ve spent years being quite useful during sex and foreplay. They’ve spent years catching donut crumbs and spilt coffee and forcing that middle button on my shirt to pop open at inappropriate times. They spent a mere six months suckling a child. And if they had never done that, they still would have been a useful appendege that I would have been grateful for. I like my breasts. I like them during sex, I like how they enhance my figure, I like how they fed my daughter. I like how my husband likes them. I hope they will continue to be present for the rest of my life, even though they will never again suckle a child.
I am grateful that there are options for feeding a baby, not everyone can breastfeed, not everyone chooses to breastfeed. Formula, far from being evil has saved the lives of many children - including my own son who is adopted. Perhaps it is overused, but who is to judge? Not me.
Some people are simply not comfortable with the idea of breastfeeding. It may be they want to share the 2 am feedings, it may be that after nine months of sharing their body, they want it back (and they’d like a beer now), it may be they have to return to work quickly, and pumping is not an option for them, it may be that they aren’t comfortable with that level of physical contact, or they didn’t have great success latching on (or a friend didn’t) or they don’t think they make enough milk, or whatever. They don’t need to justify it. Its their body, their breasts and their baby.
Well said, Dangerosa.
I think what jmonster refers to (which is relevant here) is that the “sexual” view of breasts sometimes leads to strange attitudes, such as
(a) you must go breastfeed in the bathroom if you’re out in public because it’s obscene
(b) It’s okay to breastfeed a girl baby, but not a boy baby (I kid you not, I actually had a pregnant mom tell me this)
© You can’t breastfeed in church or temple–the horror! It’s like fornicating on the altar!
(d) The possibility of flashing a little titty when you’re getting the kid latched on is such a horrible thing that you cannot breastfeed when there are visitors.
That sort of thing. I left the room whenever I nursed Cranky Jr at my in-laws. I just wasn’t comfortable and didn’t think my BIL or FIL would be, either. And I loathed that in myself and in them. At my parent’s house, I’d whip it out wherever, and my father was so supportive. I’d never show my breast any other time around him, though–it’d be creepy. But when I was feeing Cranky Jr, no big deal. I recently was helping my friend’s wife out when their new baby was a few weeks old. I’d met her exactly twice before, and I’d never touched her. But when we were trying to fix her latch, I was holding her bare breast in my hand and it was no big deal. Surreal! It’s the distinction (sexual breast vs. nursing breast) I wish held true more universally.
It’s true, breasts are dual purpose, and there is nothing wrong with reveling in their sexiness! But breastfeeding is an important function, and when Mama’s bar is open for business, there need be nothing sexual about it. And you in the corner snickering over there because you just saw a little of my aureola? GROW UP!
Obviously, this is a deeply personal matter. However, if someone is going ot bottlefeed, it is important that they do it correctly: my sister-in-law’s mother-in-law instructed her not to breastfeed or spend money on fancy formula: Carnation instant breakfast and Karo syrup were the best thing for a baby. I honestly didn’t know people like that still exisited.
This also shows the problem with the "and it didn’t hurt us . . . " arguement. All her kids were raised on that combination, and they all think they turned out fine. I still wouldn’t use it.
Cranky,
You are right. Society should be supportive of breastfeeding and often isn’t. The bathroom is not an appropriate place for me to eat, it isn’t an appropriate place for baby to eat either. Society should be supportive of any choice another mom makes about feeding her baby…the important thing is that the baby eats, that Mom feels good about it. We get enough crap from the world on our childrearing decisions (and give plenty to ourselves), don’t need the breast/bottle crap from each other.
One of my girlfriends was a breastfeeding facist after her first child…her story has changed with her second, since her circumstances with the second were different.
To way to many people, breastfeeding is a little like finding Jesus - its made their lives so much better, it must be the right thing for everyone.
And my opinion of this person automatically becomes “Breastfeeding Nazi.”
Our children are very close to both of us. I didn’t breastfeed, and I know my husband didn’t. They have, indeed, bonded to us, and I would venture to say that bond is very strong.
The “Breastfeeding Nazis” are out in force down here, and I don’t see what their big deal is. They hold classes to try to get you to breastfeed, they come to your hospital room, then make you feel guilty when you can’t do it. Everybody automatically assumes you can, but won’t. That is simply not true.
Oh, you just didn’t try hard enough! (kidding, kidding, kidding - I know, believe me, I know)
I had a very sensible lactation consultant who told me (after two days of trying), “it takes two to breastfeed…just 'cause you want to doesn’t mean she is going to go for it. You are the mom, you get to decide how long to try.”
(I think the LLL extremists probably send her hate mail).
I describe my daughter’s reaction to breastfeeding that first week as “you’ve got to be kidding, Mom, those are bigger than my head.”
We perservered (with supplemental bottles of formula for a few weeks), but I’m not sure it was worth it. The first month was the worst time of my entire life. Not the experience I wanted with a new baby, and breastfeeding was the root of most of the problems (the hormonal surge helped out, too). I suspect our early attachment was put at risk because of it.
Didn’t bottle feed (other than expressed milk), and did breastfeed for longer than the US average (just over 3 years, actually). That wasn’t the plan, at ALL, but well, you do what makes sense for that child, and you, in the situation you are in. If I end up bottle feeding the next kid, or weaning much earlier, you won’t find me guilting about it - I’d probably pump for a while before moving to formula if it is before a year, but that is partly because I’ve got a lot of experience at pumping, and know how much work it is, and how much of it is worth my effort, and when it is no longer worth it. I might regret it not working out, but I won’t be feeling guilty about it.
Few things piss me off more than people who make women feel like failures or bad mothers for using formula. Heck, I’ve spoken to women who feel intense guilt because they lost their milk supply at 8 months. HELLO??? New moms don’t need anyone’s help to feel overwhelmed and not up to the job… they do need help feeling like everyone struggles, everyone learns as they go, and that we all make choices that we don’t know the outcomes of - and may NEVER know if that choice was right or not. You can’t hang onto the what-if’s, or you’ll never move forward. Think about it once or twice, learn any lessons, and get on with it.
This is just one decision among thousands you will make as a mother. Because it is an early decision in many cases, some new moms feel bad because they’d have made different choices ‘if I only had known more back then’ or ‘if I had just trusted myself more’ - well, you didn’t, and you can’t fix the past, so stop beating yourself! Adjust, get over it, or support someone else, but dump the guilt. How you interact with your child counts more in the bonding/attachment process than what tools and materials you use. My SIL breastfed most of her kids, but one was intensely allergic to her milk, so she bottlefed him. Can’t tell the difference in attachment, even knowing them well. They’re ALL very attached.
Dangerosa, I hope you pass(ed) on that LC’s name to other moms! Sounds like my doula (a Bradley Method teacher who also probably gets hate mail from other Bradley people) who said “you are the only one who knows whether what you are feeling is more than you can handle - you tell ME if you think you need more help, including pain meds. You get to make the decisions based on your situation.” And, as I’ve told countless women, the colostrum counts more than anything else, so if you ‘even’ did a few days, that’s a gift that lasts a lifetime. And if you didn’t even try it, well, formula isn’t poison, no matter what the zealots say.
I am a mother who has done both. With my son I tried giving him the breast but he screamed hysterically and thrashed until I gave up. I went to specialists and none of them could get him interested in taking the breast. He hated it. I expressed milk for him but he liked formula better. He has never had an ear infection and rarely gets sick. My daughter on the other hand did take the breast. She didn’t like it at first but since I learned so much trying to get my son to feed I was able to change her mind. This just assures me that my son knew what he wanted and what he didn’t when he refused my breast. Anyway, my daughter has had several ear infections and constantly has a cold. Did I bond more with my daughter than my son? Nope, I feel the same about both my kids. To me it’s really a matter of what works best for you and your child. No one can tell you wht you should do, only you know what’s best.
I breastfed my son, and it was great. Sure, I was the only one getting up in the middle of the night, because pumping just didn’t work for me. But you know what? No matter how much I bitched about my lack of sleep, I loved it. I spent tons of quiet time with my son, and the whole “lifegiver” thing was kind of cool. I can sleep next year.
However, no one should ever be told that they have to breastfeed, or that they’re somehow less of a mother if they don’t. There are so many reasons why a woman may not be able to breastfeed. I have mentioned in other threads that babies are little individuals from the first moment, and if they don’t want the breast, they won’t take it! Some women don’t produce milk, others who have had breast reduction surgery don’t have enough milk glands available. My friend couldn’t nurse her twins, and they are just fine.
There was a huge propaganda campaign in the 70’s for formula over breastmilk. My MIL was made to feel that only peasants breastfed, and good middleclass housewives should buy the best! I am not kidding, ask around. Pathetic. The pendulum seems to be swinging back now, hoepfully it won’t overshoot and be equally lame the other way.
About breastfeeding among the masses- if it’s time to eat, it’s time to eat! I would love to have a nice, quiet, clean place to nurse wherever I go, but sadly that’s not the case. Many womens restrooms don’t even have a chair to sit on, and I really don’t want to nurse my son while sitting on a public toilet! Hell, at the ballpark, I just go over to First Aid, and they let me have a curtained-off bed and I can still watch the game on TV! Needless to say, I will quietly and discreetly nurse wherever I happen to be. I can pretty much guarantee that you won’t spy a nipple, although you may see the lovely swell of my breast to one side. I have nursed in front of parents, friends and perfect strangers with no adverse results.
I think it’s a shame that women are taught that their bodies are bad and should be hidden, even while nursing.