Lo these many eons did mine good wife and I begin the arduous Journey to the mystical land of Adoptions. Many babes and young children did we inquire about and seek, but for all for naught. There has been much gnashing of teeth and beating of chests at the Vicious homestead, waiting for the dread Social Worker to select that precious one, the child to end all children, the future progeny of Siddhartha Vicious!
We have waged furious battles, made many phone calls, sent many letters of interest, begged, pleaded, wielded homemade swords (mine was tinfoil on cardboard!), and have endured many “Well, you were on the short list, but unfortunately, they chose another family.” Cursed “They!”
Nevertheless, we steeled ourselves, dried our tears (not mine), hardened our hearts, and took up the trek once again. We demonstrated that we were good parents to the daughter that we already have, and that we could provide a good home for a child. We attended meetings and had our characters and home scrutinized. Though Siddhartha Vicious is a proud and valiant warrior, he let his softer side show, and told the dread Social Worker that he truly wanted to be a father to some child that needed one.
(Actually, the Social Worker isn’t really dreaded. She’s very nice, but overworked and takes a lot of time off.)
Yes, 'tis true. Siddhartha shirked his vicious facade and took up the mantle of “hopeful daddy.” A lo, these many days and months and years did the Vicious family wage battle. And our brave efforts have paid off. We have been chosen, anointed, blessed. We have been selected as a “we-really-mean-it-this-time-the-last-few-times-we-had-our-heads-up-our-asses-but-this-time-it’s-for-sure” match. We have been chosen for a child!
(A really darling little girl who is not yet one-year-old.)
Yea, Sidd’s family will increase. He will have DAUGHTER! Present Daughter will become BIG SISTER. And Nancy will become mom.
(Barring any fuckups.)
Siddhartha will have his daughters! They will discuss their menses and shoes! They will speak badly of me behind my back! They will understand that Daddy has money, but is reluctant to part with his spoils! They will hate Siddhartha Vicious for his gentle but firm punishments! They will groan and wail in embarassment at Siddhartha Vicious’ hilarious jokes and wonderful taste in music! They will love Siddhartha because all must love Siddhartha!
Yea, tremble and cower, dogs! For I am Siddhartha Vicious! ADOPTOR!
(God, I hope it works out. We’ve been waiting and waiting and trying to be patient and waiting some more and sending our homestudy to different agencies and being ignored and having our paperwork lost. Our Case Worker, who is a very nice lady, really does take a lot of time off of work by her own admission. Apparently, we could have our girl by now if our Case Worker had actually been in her office when she was supposed to be. You know where she was? Delivering Christmas presents to needy kids. The nerve! But according to her, this is really and truly a “match,” and we should have the little darling sometime next month. It’s just a matter of a few meetings and some paperwork. We’re used to paperwork and meetings by now. Anyway, wish us luck.)