If the box is in good condition yet it’s full of cremains, will you dump them out and keep the box?
Hal, I asked my husband (who knows everything - he really does - he TOLD me he does and I believe him) and he said it’s the lost episodes of Dragnet. I am not sure HOW he knows, but he said that’s what it is. And they’re not on DVD - they’re probably Beta videotapes. Although traditional VCR tapes COULD be possible, but he really is feeling it’s Beta.
Sorry if we spoiled the surprise. 
He also said to enjoy them - we heard they’re good episodes.
Well, showed them all right!
After much speculation and years of searching it has actually been found, and in NJ…
[spoiler] Here lies the final resting place of Stuart Little. 
Dibbs on the invisible car…! [/spoiler]
I’m not sure we should be speculating about the contents of Hal’s girlfriend’s box on a public forum… :o
The mystery…REVEALED:
Yeah, it was a bag of dead animal (at least I hope it was animal) ashes.However, The Littlest Briston does not yet know that we peeked. She’ll be home from school in about 20 minutes, and we’ve made a bit of a replacement to the contents. The video of the results will be posted shortly after.
(…and stored away for her future therapy sessions.)
<long inductance rigmarole redacted for sanity’s sake>
You will give us the link to the video.
You will give us the link to the video.
You will give us the link to the video.
Obey
Obey
Obey
<insert finger snapping sound>
Ah there, Mr. Briston. How do we feel now?
I hope you replaced the ashes with a spring-loaded snake or something.
Yeah, right…like I’d let off with that little mental trauma.
“We’ve replaced the regular ashes in this box with genuine live jumping spiders. Let’s see if she notices!”
Dammit, I was thinking the same thing, and beat to the archivist reference! 
Great job.
great job! My wife and I enjoyed that 
HOW could you tease such a SWEET little girl? (Okay, it’s not really teasing. But WOW she’s a cutie.)
Why am I thinking you had blond hair? Why am I thinking you’re supposed to look like Philip Seymour Hoffman?
Shades of Giraffe and the infamous sandwich. Excellent touch!
Sublime.
Well played, sir. Well played.
Nice one!
Hal, you are a sick, sick man.
I bow before your Evil Parentness.