Thanks much, all. Since I know some folks are adverse to clicking on anything posted on facebook, here’s a YouTube version.
I’m tempted to share that on FB.
That could easily go viral.
Be my guest – I have no problem inspiring others to torture their offspring. 
However, please use the YouTube version – I’m making the facebook version “friends only”.
(Actually, I’m going to request a mod edit the original URL to be the YouTube one)
They need to also edit the posts that quoted that link. Mine still has the FB link.
Got 'em.
I was thunking the previous male owner had had a vasectomy and indeed the box did contain the family jewels.
A vasectomy doesn’t remove the jewels, it just disconnects them. You’re thinking of an orchidectomy, which does remove the jewels.
So Schrödinger’s cat was actually a cat sandwich?
So, since the box has been opened I’ve had a terrible sciatica flare-up, a brutally pulled bicep muscle and now I’ll be missing today from work because of the horrible cough that’s developed.
Damn “sanctity of the grave” curses…
HA! That’s more of a gardening procedure. Not related to orchiectomy!
Unless we want to coin a new euphemism, “She kicked me in my orchids!”
Just saw the video- masterpiece!
I’ve been waiting for this thread and the “‘Raiders of the Lost Ark’ What happened when it opened’” thread to go sequential.
That was great! Congrats on raising a sensible kid who knows better than to eat buried sandwiches. 
Orchidectomy is a variant of orchiectomy…and it’s the version that I learned. Grandma was an operating room nurse, and she frequently told me about medical things. To this day, I still do some things with a sterile procedure. For instance, Grandma taught me to open cans from the bottom, as the top might have dirt or dust or whatever on it. Nowadays, most cans can only be opened from the top, as the bottom is rounded for easier stacking, so I tend to store my cans upside down.
For euphemisms, I prefer “kicked in the old sock drawer” from Monstrous Regiment (our hero<ine> is passing for male in the military, and uses a pair of socks to add a bulge where she lacks one).
Interesting. I didn’t know that!
And I didn’t know that orchiectomy is the more common variant until fairly recently.
Ooooh honey, the dog peed on the picnic basket! Don’t eat the sandwiches!
“In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of the
cat, although in this case there were three determinate states the cat
could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious."
― Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies
Hal, you are a sick and twisted individual, and I admire you greatly. 
Link
mmm
Pure genius.