Boy, am I conflicted! (vacation plans)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

So I was talking to my mother this weekend, and she told me that I should get a passport (in fact, she’s been dropping hints for the past couple of months). I had thought that this meant she was planning a trip to Israel to visit my brother and his wife.

Nope.

It seems that in October, my father will be attending a seminar in Japan.

They want me to join them.

Now, I’ve always wanted to see Japan, ever since I was a blessedcub. I love travelling, seeing new cultures, meeting new people and so on. I mean–JAPAN!!!

But here’s the conflict: I love my parents very much, but do I really want to spend two weeks overseas with them? I’m a smoker, they’re not. I’ve always been a bit rebellious, bullishly independent to the point of being solitary.
My mother is your typical wide-eyed tourist ("ooh! look at that! and that! and that! stand in front of everything so I can take your picture!). My father is your typical fascist tourist ("Ve must to goink HERE. Undt HERE. Undt HERE. Undt kvickly! Standt in front of effrysink so I can take your pik-sure!). I’m a backpack and beer kind of tourist. Hanging out, seeing the scenery, trying to make time with the native chicks, pretending I’m Canadian so people don’t hate me.

If there’s anyone else at this seminar who is my age (32), they will be participating in the seminar, not hanging out with mom & dad.

Therein lies my trouble. I could go, see wonderful things, and in doing so make my parents happy by keeping my mother company and my father from pissing her off (which he always seems to), but spend most of the time bored because I’m humouring them, edgy because I won’t be able to smoke and if/when they have a spat I’ll be right in the middle, and wishing I could shake off the leash that I’ll perceive around my neck (whether or not I’ll actually have freedom to go where I wish is another matter–perceptions make the reality).
I’d also have to make explanations at work, tell the same stories over and over when I get back and find someone to take care of the cats. (I know, I’m scraping the bottom of the barrel here, but I’m also trying to be pragmatic.)

Or I could stay here, and wonder what I’m missing.

Input anyone?

2

go. forgodsakes. go.

I’ve always subscribed to the philosophy that any chance I can get to travel, I take. You should address some of your concerns about the trip with your folks- be honest with them about what worries you, and tell them something along the lines of “look, I love you guys, but you know that at my age, it’s gonna be a little weird for us to be continuously traveling together. I’m really excited about the trip, and I am so looking forward to going, but I don’t want this to be an uncomfortable situation for any of us. So, I plan to wander off on my own for X amount of time, and hang out with you two for Y amount of time.”

You’re old enough to tell them the truth, and they ought to 1)be grateful you’re heading off the situation as soon as possible, and 2)be happy to spend the time with you overseas…

FWIW.

blanx

3

It’s Japan! Go, go, go!

Seriously, I always wanted to go to England. My mother suggested we should go together. She hinted very broadly that she’d pay for everything. But I didn’t want to go with her, because…well, for all the reasons you gave.

Then I got sick. Too sick to travel. I almost cried the day my unused passport expired. Here I am, 14 years since I got the passport, and I still can’t travel.*

So GO!

  • (That is, I can’t travel all the way to England. I am actually starting to get well, and last year survived a short overnight trip to Dallas. So I may make it to England yet…but I wish I’d gone 14 years ago!)
4

Mr. Athena’s Dad died unexpectedly a few years ago. Some of Mr. Athena’s most wonderful memories are of the few trips they took together. Trips as an adult with your parents are not just normal vacations, having fun and seeing new things. They can be work, hard work, but years later, when you’re parents are gone, you’re going to be very happy you went. It’ll give you a chance to interact with them as an adult. I say go for it.

5

Here’s my advice and BTW, I’ll be happy to keep or take care of the cats for you. (I’m serious. Just e-mail me the dates.) I’ll either go visit them every day or bring 'em home to live with my menagerie. (Don’t worry, I’m good at animal wrangling. I’ll take good care of your babies!)

I’ve taken a lot of trips with my mom, who is a nightmare to travel with. She regresses and acts like she’s ten, so I have to do all the planning, reservation making, navigating, driving and decision-making. It’s like babysitting.

However, I have a lot of great memories of adventures with Mom. We’ve gotten into some wacky shit. Your parents may piss you off from time to time and two weeks is a long time. But you cannot trade anything for the experiences you’ll all have. Besides, your siblings don’t get to go, so you can make 'em jealous about how cool Japan was next time you go home for Hannukah or something. (“And the 'rents took ME, 'cause you two suck!” Great way to address your middle sibling issues – you get all the attention!)

My advice is to set some ground rules with them before you agree to go with. You’re an adult now and they can’t control you like they did when you were 15. Maybe you can get them to agree to let you go off by yourself every other afternoon and then meet back up and join them for dinner or something.

Either come out about smoking, or tell them to put up and shut up. I once had to tell my dad (the Mormon) “I could not smoke for the week that you’re here, but that’ll just make me edgy and bitchy. Or I could smoke outside in your presence (not in the house) and be calm and nice. Which would you like to deal with?” The God Squad chose to tolerate my smoking.

I think upfront communication – open and honest, which I think you probably have that kind of rapport with your folks, based on what little I know of your family – is the key here. Let your mom know what your concerns are and try to get some time for yourself. If they’re going to be in a seminar, won’t that mean you’ll have some solo exploration time? Maybe they want to go to bed early and you want to go check out the nightlife. I hear the clubs in Japan rock. Great. Good night, parental units, I’ll meet you for breakfast at 9:00 a.m. in the lobby.

Besides, as lesa points out: when do you think you will get the chance to go to Japan again? Won’t your parents foot a lot of the bills? Airline Tickets, your room, some of your meals? My mom would pay for everything.

Finally, the Democrap will let you off work. You have vacation time coming to you and if you give them sufficient notice, you’re entitled to take it anytime you want. If they fire you, come work for me. We have a position open!

Go. Have fun. Bring me back one of those great red silk Susie Wan dresses for watching your cats! ;>

Whatever you do – don’t just stay here and wait for their slide show.

6

What they said. GO. I’ve been to Japan, but never Tokyo, and I regret never being more aggressive in trying to get over there. Been to Kunsan, Korea, and had the opportunity to take a jet to Seoul, but as it would have been a tight schedule, a small chunk of change, with little sleep before flying out of the country, I passed it up, thinking, “I’ll be back one day.” Well, One Day has not come, and I’m not sure it ever will, and I regret my stupid decision to this day. STUPID. What was I thinking?

Let me at least live vicariously through you… go, have a blast, and let us know how it went.

7

Here’s my advice and BTW, I’ll be happy to keep or take care of the cats for you. (I’m serious. Just e-mail me the dates.) I’ll either go visit them every day or bring 'em home to live with my menagerie. (Don’t worry, I’m good at animal wrangling. I’ll take good care of your babies!)

I’ve taken a lot of trips with my mom, who is a nightmare to travel with. She regresses and acts like she’s ten, so I have to do all the planning, reservation making, navigating, driving and decision-making. It’s like babysitting.

However, I have a lot of great memories of adventures with Mom. We’ve gotten into some wacky shit. Your parents may piss you off from time to time and two weeks is a long time. But you cannot trade anything for the experiences you’ll all have. Besides, your siblings don’t get to go, so you can make 'em jealous about how cool Japan was next time you go home for Hannukah or something. (“And the 'rents took ME, 'cause you two suck!” Great way to address your middle sibling issues – you get all the attention!)

My advice is to set some ground rules with them before you agree to go with. You’re an adult now and they can’t control you like they did when you were 15. Maybe you can get them to agree to let you go off by yourself every other afternoon and then meet back up and join them for dinner or something.

Either come out about smoking, or tell them to put up and shut up. I once had to tell my dad (the Mormon) “I could not smoke for the week that you’re here, but that’ll just make me edgy and bitchy. Or I could smoke outside in your presence (not in the house) and be calm and nice. Which would you like to deal with?” The God Squad chose to tolerate my smoking.

I think upfront communication – open and honest, which I think you probably have that kind of rapport with your folks, based on what little I know of your family – is the key here. Let your mom know what your concerns are and try to get some time for yourself. If they’re going to be in a seminar, won’t that mean you’ll have some solo exploration time? Maybe they want to go to bed early and you want to go check out the nightlife. I hear the clubs in Japan rock. Great. Good night, parental units, I’ll meet you for breakfast at 9:00 a.m. in the lobby.

Besides, as lesa points out: when do you think you will get the chance to go to Japan again? Won’t your parents foot a lot of the bills? Airline Tickets, your room, some of your meals? My mom would pay for everything.

Finally, the Democrap will let you off work. You have vacation time coming to you and if you give them sufficient notice, you’re entitled to take it anytime you want. If they fire you, come work for me. We have a position open!

Go. Have fun. Bring me back one of those great red silk Susie Wan dresses for watching your cats! ;>

Whatever you do – don’t just stay here and wait for their slide show.