Don’t use a power drill to drill a board on your lap. That’s all I’m saying about that.
When you’re installing a ceiling fan, who needs to be careful and go all the way over to the breaker box to turn off the circuit?
This reminds me of a story I’ve probably told before.
When I was a small child we lived in Japan. At the time, dad wore a Vulcain ‘Cricket’ watch, a model that was known for its alarm. This is before watches had batteries, so the alarm was not a ‘beep-beep, beep-beep’. No, it was a clattering buzz. It sounded exactly like this in fact.
So dad’s up on a stool, fixing some wiring in the ceiling light fixture. Just as he finished the job, his alarm went off. He thought he was being electrocuted and fell off of the stool. 
A couple of years ago, I’m only working part time, so I’ve not got much money, and my laptop’s broken. My work has a ‘rewards’ scheme, which has the option of getting gift cards with the rewards point, and I’ve been saving up the points all year, so I have about £150 worth to spend. The way the system is set up is that you have to order the gift cards and get them posted to you, then once you have the physical card, you can top it up via their system. No charge for the cards, but there is a posting charge per order, and there are card options for two different companies that sell laptops, so I order cards for both.
I spend the next few weeks trying to research what’s the best option in my price range, settle on one from company A, and top up the appropriate card online. It’s not enough to pay for the whole thing, but I can just afford the extra. I chuck out the unused empty card for company B, and wait for my next day off so I can finally go get my new laptop.
Day off comes, I go to get the card out, and find the card for company B. ‘That’s funny’ I think, ‘I was sure I threw this out.’
…
:eek:
Luckily the rubbish collection hadn’t been yet.
If you’re going to use a hammer to smash a staple down from sticking out and pricking you, dont do it on a glass top desk. I really have lost my mind!
Oh and dont put the sherbet in the refrigerator when you are done with it, dont do it a second time either!:smack::smack:
When you’re replacing a glass shower door, when they break, it really is a spectacular CRASH!
Will everyone who has not found, halfway through the day, a dryer sheet poking out of a sleeve or a pants-leg, please raise his/her hand?
^ I hear where you’re coming from, but I don’t use dryer sheets. How about a mess of shredded Kleenex all over your clothes?
That reminds me of something. One time I bought an entertainment center kit but never got around to assembling it, leaving it in a storage building. Years later I decide to use a large pane of glass from it for something (I don’t remember what) and go dig it out of storage and carry it back to my house. Not paying close attention, a corner of the glass taps against a granite step going up to my porch, and a fraction of a second later I’m surrounded by thousands of fragments of safety glass. From the whole pane of glass, I don’t think there was anything left bigger than a quarter (and most of it smaller.)
Many moons ago, when I was a freshman in college, I had to do a paper for a macroeconomics class based on the book The WORLDLY Philosophers. This was back in the days before computers and spell check. My sister offered to type it for me. I handed it in and the professor, usually a down to earth guy was pissed, mostly because half the class missed the deadline or just didn’t bother. Anyway, he’s skimming through the papers handed in and says something like well, this should be interesting, I have a paper here about The WORDY Philosophers. The class had a small amused reaction, but for some reason, I thought it was an absolute riot. I had tears I laughed so hard and I’m saying to the professor you’ve gotta tell us who handed in that gem. He told me I didn’t want to know but my persistence paid off. Of course, it was mine. I ended up doing well on the paper btw, but typos back then and spellcheck these days can really bite you in the ass.
I remodeled my kitchen years ago over a two-week period. Did it all myself. Everything was going smoothly. my very last task was cutting, gluing, and applying the toe-kick veneer.
I measured, I cut, and I glued. Of course, me being me, I applied the glue on the finished side of the veneer, all up and down it. Had to re-order the piece from the manufacturer. My kitchen remained ‘unfinished’ for another four weeks.
mmm
I’ve posted this one before.
I once craved some homemade pasta, and spent a long time making the dough, kneading it, rolling it out, and cutting it into narrow tagliatelle. It cooked up beautifully, and I poured it out carefully into a colander in the sink. When I lifted up the colander to give it a toss or two to help drain it, I lost my grip and the colander flipped neatly over and the whole mass of hot pasta slithered down into the dirty garbage disposal.
Since I had some good sauce ready, I had to cook up some dry pasta out of the cupboard for dinner that night. It just wasn’t the same.
My tractor broke down. The engine ran but no power was going to the wheels. I had had a clutch spline strip once before and was afraid it was that again. I had a local tractor repair shop trailer it to their facility, where they diagnosed that the high/low range lever was in the middle position, Neutral. They said they’d only charge me $100 for moving it twice and looking it over, and I asked how much extra to not tell any of my neighbors.
I think, though, that I probably deserved this. Some years earlier I had to replace the hydraulic fluid dipstick because it was bent, so I went to the parts department at the same shop and asked for one. The clerk brought it out, and I asked how much more it would be to have it installed. She spent several minutes on the computer and thumbing through manuals, trying to find the price and unsure why she couldn’t find it, until I broke down and told her she could stop.
A couple years ago it occurred to me that I did not have to use my teeth to remove the little plastic safety cap on my deodorant. I never realized you could twist up the deodorant. I’m 39 years old.
Tragic!!! 
Yes. I think I have done both in one load, actually.
That reminds me just a couple weeks ago I made some braised chicken thighs. Being healthy I was willing to forgo the Chicken fat, but not being an idiot I wasn’t going to waste the rest of the drippings. So I my colander out to be ready to strain and separate. 20 minutes or so later I was ready to strain the liquid but I couldn’t find my colander anymore. I finally gave up and grabbed a hand help wire strainer and strained the liquid into a bowl in the sink. Just as the last of the liquid drained through the strainer I found my colander again. It was the “bowl” in the sink.:smack:
Yum Yum, two dirty strainers, and a spent bay leaf and some ribbons of lemon zest are all to show for it.
I have one of those waiter-style corkscrews with the little knife that flips out so you can cut the foil seal over the bottle, then flip out the actual corkscrew and pop out the cork. After years of practice, I’ve gotten pretty good at expertly removing the foil and doing the uncorking.
So one day I had a hell of a time. It was a new wine I’d never had before, and it had the thickest, stiffest foil I’d ever encountered. After hacking away for a while I finally got it gouged and cut enough to be able to painfully rip it off, at which point the screw top on the bottle fell off by itself with a pathetic little plink. :smack:
It’s not like I’d never seen a screw top before. But this one was cleverly disguised. Yeah, that’s it, it was disguised! 
My life consists of perpetually feeling like an idiot despite the fact I’m (allegedly) pretty smart.
I think my favorite one was when a friend who was living in Japan mentioned he took a trip to Cambodia and I asked, “Oh. Did you drive?”
He did not.
People have been lecturing me about ‘‘Common Sense’’ for a long time. I’m not sure what that is, but I’m assuming since I’m not common, I don’t have any.
Sr. Weasel also has his share of the dumb. He recently came to the profound realization that if you put a lid on a pot of water, it boils faster. Then there was the time he tried to make mashed potatoes and didn’t know you were supposed to cook the potatoes first. I just walked into the kitchen and saw him futilely trying to mash raw potatoes.
There was the time I put a container of ice cream in the microwave for a few seconds to soften it up enough to scoop more easily. When it beeped that it was done, I was already doing something else, and thought, I’ll get the ice cream out of the nuker as soon as I’m finished with this, it’ll only take half a minute.
The next evening, my wife noticed that we had a microwave full of melted ice cream.
ETA: Microwaves nowadays beep at you every so often if you don’t take your food out (or at least open the nuker’s door). I’m really glad they do that, otherwise I’m sure I’d have done similar stuff more recently. But this was >25 years ago, before the ‘nagging’ beep was a standard feature on cheapo microwaves.