Let me just add, what I have learned through bitter, bitter experience, and one of the most difficult life lessons to learn; you cannot push a rope!
Nothing you do, can alter that he’s not ready to make any kind of shift, at the moment. He rebukes all your suggestions and attempts to reach out to him. You need to recognize that, (for this, perhaps otherwise wonderful man, for whom you do have some feelings), he may need to bottom out, before he’ll find his legs again. Sad, I know. Painful to watch. But trying to prop him up is only going to elongate his journey. It’s a sink or swim world, that you are currently protecting him from, to his detriment. Let him sink or swim. Move on with your life.
The thing you should be examining is why you’re doing this again? Are you really willing to go all the way around the track, learning those hard lessons a second time? If you need to, you need to, of course.
But there’s a better than good chance, it seems to me, that you are smarter now, and can see what you’re getting into. The question is, as you stand on the precipice, of the enabling, codependent relationship you are constructing, do you possess the strength to step back? Or will your distaste for conflict or ‘hurting’ someone’s feelings, insure you fall right back into the abyss?
Only you can answer those questions, of course. But you should consider it an enormous insult to your own intellect to recognize how ill advised this relationship is, yet pursue it regardless. And in my experience, with life lessons that required two trips round the track, the second course always comes with a truly wicked one, two, knock out punch. No doubt because of having failed to take the learning from the first serving. Proceed carefully.
And good luck, keep us posted, we’re pulling for you!