You fucking, crazy, lying, piece of shit, brother

Pitted before, and will be pitted again, add lying to his list of descriptions. We already knew he was crazy, as in mentally ill, and who refuses treatment for his psychosis.

We already knew he was manipulative, as his specialty is inducing a tsunami of guilt on my weak mother. His refusal to help himself is legend as is his attempts to gather handouts. For years, he suckered my mother into giving him hundreds of dollars a month in support, while he refused to lift a hand to help himself.

Living in a dreamland of fantasies, he can drive the sanest soul to suicide with frustration of listing to countless repetitions of his visions of grandeur. He’ll build a new jet engine. He’ll invest this. He’ll invent that. When you’re bipolar and on the streets, it’s easier to win Nobel prizes than clean up and get your shit together enough to flip burgers.

Sure, he’ll hit you up for money for projects which will never be worked on, let along actually have the slightest chance of working. Except no one is stupid enough to give him money because no one is going to help someone who refuses to make the slightest effort to help himself.

Except for my emotionally wasted mother who buys off her guilt with the frantic pace of an alcoholic drinking regrets into oblivion.

After years of pleading, we finally got my mom into counseling, and found someone she likes. All well, and all fine. Counselor convinces her that she should cut off the money. Naturally, the brother does not like losing his sole source of income, and kicks up the guilt manipulation to get her to give him one final payment.

What I didn’t know until too late was the payment was $7,000. This was supposedly to pay off debts and give him enough money to buy materials to make all these inventions. This would, in his terms, allow him to get all his ducks in a row, and he could become self-sufficient and make his millions.

Yes, when pigs can fly. Someone who is homeless by choice, because renting is to much stress and who refuses to find a job, any job, because there’s too much potential for stress, will suddenly be able to design, build market and sell jet engines. Somewhere in that plan, it’s going to take the ability to have goals and work on them, rather than just daydream in a park.

Naturally, not a single other person agreed with my mother, but she blindly forged ahead. I finally washed my hands of trying to get Mom to stop this stupidity, after it was obvious she was going to do it regardless of the insanity of the plan. She wouldn’t budge, even though it involved borrowing money against her home, since her fixed retirement income isn’t enough to cough up that kind of money.

So, we knew he was crazy, and a piece of shit. That’s old news.

The new news is the he turned over this money to his friend so the friend could pay his property taxes. So maybe even he realized he couldn’t do it and gave it to his friend. My guess is, though, that the friend got my brother to lie to Mom to get the money.

I guess in the long run, it really doesn’t matter that much if he’s a liar on top of everything else. I’ve cut all contact with him, after his repeated emails insisting I’m to blame for the death of my son.

The question is who to pit. My brother, of course. His friend for inducing this, or, even if he is innocent of that particular crime, of accepting the money which he would know the history of. How that son of a bitch sleeps at night is beyond me. And of course, my mother for being a spineless rug, allowing her fucking crazy, lying piece of shit son to take advantage of her.

I’m already out this. My mother will have to deal with him on her own. I had been giving her presents such as flying her out to visit my sister and a vacation in Turkey with my aunt, because she felt she didn’t have enough money herself.

After she borrowed money to give my brother, I realized that I’ve been enabling her in the same way that she was enabling my brother. She would give away her spare money, because she felt guilty, I then would pay for things for her because I wanted her to be able to enjoy her life.

What I was doing though, was allowing her to continue to not make tough decisions. If she didn’t have enough money to visit her grandchildren and through money away on her son, it didn’t matter because another son would step in.

After this, I told her she was on her own. If she continues to give all her money and can’t afford plane tickets, well, that’s her choice.

If there is any good to this, it’s that this may finally convince my mother of the futility of forking over cash to manipulative liars. I hope so.

You’re doing the right thing to sever all ties. Is this the same one who abused you? Seriously, kicking his ass to the curb has been a long time coming. You don’t need this shit in your life. You have a family to protect.

No the one who abused me was my older brother.

This is the younger one. He’s been homeless, by choice, for years now. He lives in one of his two cars, parks the other, and refuses to work. He’s bipolor, (perhaps, and if not that, then something else quite serious) but refuses medication or counseling.

My mother has been giving him cash for years, and has refused to discuss it with us. What does a homeless person need money for? It’s not like he needs to get anywhere quick. He eats at the shelters, takes showers at the university sports facility and camps out in various libraries.

He’s had various “debts” which require paying back, but won’t file for bankruptcy. He won’t file for disability because “anyone smart enough to design an airplane” is won’t qualify. One of his cars is a used Audi which a reasonable sales value, but he won’t sell because he can’t get his money out of it. I can go on forever with the insanity of the situation.

Of course, it has all been funded by my mother, who won’t look at reality either.

I think you’re doing exactly the right thing. Obviously, your mom can come up with the money to visit you if she is willing to give your brother $7000.

Stand strong. Maybe she’ll come around, maybe she won’t, but either way, you will have peace in your life.

Hope everything is still gray and boring!

The rest of your post is pretty depressing, but this part here? He did that?
What the fuck?
:mad:

I second that! What an asshole!

I remember when TP posted that about the brother blaming him for the death of his son. It was hideous.

He’s sick and won’t take steps to get well; you know that. Stay far away and protect yourself.

Unfortunately, that’s true, and I’ve had to cut him out of my life. He still insists that I’m at fault, through his sick reasoning.

I’ve got to run, but it’s possible to search for the story. Just look for treads started by me about my brother.

One sympathizes. I also have a crazy, lying, piece of shit brother.

Thirded. I wanted to punch my monitor.

Here’s the original thread about TokyoPlayer’s piece-of-shit brother.

God almighty, what a terrible burden to bear.

I feel for you, TP. What a mess. Sounds like you’re doing all the right things to deal with it, though. Good luck.

Oh yes. I just re-read my thread and I have to agree with myself that he’s a piece of shit.

Blaming me for the death of Ian was just the last straw of a long series of an endless series of attempted emotional blackmail and manipulation. Funny thing is the singularly ineffectiveness of that attempt. It must have been his frustration that the other manipulation wasn’t working and he was panicking about losing his money. That, or he’s just crazy and does and says psychotic things at times.

Either way, I’ve done all I can. We exchanged scores of emails with my making suggestions on various ways he could help himself and his constant refrain of there only being one way of doing things, and that way precluded any flexibility. One example was a counselor my younger brother had been seeing, who finally threw his hands up and refused to see my brother any more.

After that, my younger brother refused to see anyone else, and he had his hundreds of reasons why it had to be this guy. That the person wouldn’t see my brother make it all the more important for him to continue his insistence.

I had already decided the futility of discussion with him, had already made various offers of help (which are in the linked thread) and had backed away when he pulled that last trick.

Everyone wishes my mother would deal better with him, but unfortunately, it looks like she doesn’t want our help in setting limits with him. I’ll always love my mother, and offer her emotional support, but I can’t get back into dealing with my brother or getting frustrated with my mother’s refusal to deal with reality.

Anyway, I’ve got a wonderful wife and a lovely baby on the way, so I’m going to let this problem handle itself.

BaneSidhe’s signature is an excellent piece of advice for this situation.

I sympathize with the plight of your Mom. She is in an unwinnable situation because she loves him, as much as enabling him hurts her, you and everyone else in your family.

That said, the best thing for your crazed bro is either a complete cutoff of funds from anyone in the family or some massive intervention on the part of your collective aunts, you, uncles, etc.

I have a similar experience going on right now with my crack-addicted cousin, whom I grew up with and hold dear, but despite his multiple military commendations is now a fucking crackhead. I will not feed his addiction, and he is in and out of rehab and VA hospitals for PTSD and regularly manipulates my Aunt, his Mom, for drug money.

These things are ugly and make you feel bad, but ultimaltely like you are doing, the cord has to be cut.

I suppose your biggest obstacle being overseas as you are is keeping him away from your Mom.

If he’s “homeless by choice”, then he needs to experience what that really means, with absolutely ZERO money from anyone in the family.

It sounds like he is truly bipolar and needs medical help that he will not accept.

That’s a tough go of it, there. I wish you the best and hope your brother can attain a sense of personal responsibility over his life, which seems to be his (and everyone else’s) biggest issue.

Unfortunately, the massive intervention would have a less than zero percent chance of working. He’s the most obstinate person I know. I agree that the best thing is a complete cutoff of funds is the only recourse.

I’m really sorry to hear that about your cousin. That’s got to be terribly difficult for your aunt. She has my complete sympathies.

I would like to be there in Salt Lake, but even if I were there, it really has to be my mother who has to stand up for herself. As with the case of your aunt, it is not easy for mothers to do tough love for their children, even though they probably both know it doesn’t help.

Exactly. He doesn’t want the stress of working and refused to apply for disability, so let him learn what it’s like to have ZERO money. Let him lose his cars so he doesn’t have a shelter from the Utah winter. He may rethink that idea about not working. You’re preaching to the choir here.

And you’ve nailed it straight on the head there. He doesn’t see his illness as his responsibility and my mother keeps caving in. He’s told me before how he expects my mother to take care of him.

He also bitterly complains to my aunt about how I won’t help him. I’ve been fortunate to be in a good job and saving and investing heavily for retirement. He seems to have a sense of entitlement to my money as well, for which I’ve told him to fuck off.

As one of the guys from my company told his son, “First you earn it, then you spend it.”

First let me say my heart goes out to your family ,it’s damn near humanly impossible to deal with a person is bipolar and won’t get help .
My son is bipolar, now he is in weekly counseling and takes his meds
like he should , but, reading this thread and the linked thread was
almost like reading the way our families life was before the
counseling and meds.
I whole hearted agree with all the posters and you about just cutting him off and turning him loose.
Thats what it finally took for my son to decide he is sick and needed to get help,
we actually shut our doors ,his sister and brother and myself, we refused him any money ,showers ,food or help of any kind.
It tore us up hearing him outside yelling and demanding and crying begging etc… but
when he finally went off to the streets and really found out what it is to be homeless and in his words “un loved” by any body.
We told him then and tell him now we never stopped loving him ,
what we did was made him stop
acting like he was, before, we started hating him.
People with bipolar do seem to have a ‘sense of entitlement’ to every one else life ,love , money , happiness etc…
I can truly empathize with the pain and anger
and guilt trip your mother has when your brother starts in on her and the stress of listening to him go on and on about the most out of this world idiotic BS ever to come out of a humans mouth.
She will have to just lock her door and shut the curtains and let the police haul him in .
If he was to be hauled into jail and no one was to bail him out he would be put
into the hospital by court order for a 10 day evaluation .
Thats what it took for my son .He was ‘homeless’ about
2 weeks when he tried pulling some of his shit in a convenience store
the clerk called the cops and whammo Jace was dealing with people that
wouldn’t be duped by his BS. That started him on the road to his getting the help he needed.
If you can get your mother away from him for a month and really put him out on the streets, he will screw up and he will be hauled in and then the family can
start to ‘pull some strings’ to get him the help he needs.
It’s a tough heart breaking situation until he levels out with the meds but well worth it in the long run. The biggest hurdle is ,he’s over 18
and no one except himself or a judge can commit him that first time . But if he commits himself he can walk out anytime he gets the notion to.

Where your brother says he can build an airplane engine,
My son swore he was going to be president of the good ole usa before his 30th b-day

How, by the way, is the pregnancy going? I don’t remember seeing an update thread in a while, but maybe I missed it.

Your wish is my command.

Yes. Delusions of grandeur are definetely a symptom.