I didn’t say anything inappropriate or inflammatory. I stated a legal fact.
You stated a legal opinion using inappropriate and inflammatory language ("fucking’). Knock it off.
twickster, MPSIMS moderator
nm
What was that deleted statement? Something like “I was stating a legal FACT.” Let me know if I’m wrong.
A “legal fact” that is irrelevant to what the OP was asking. She did not come in and say “My boyfriend spanked my child, is this assault and battery? Should I press charges?” She essentially said that her SO did something without her permission, and asked how to deal with that. The fact that there was a physical interaction involved escalates the conversation, but doesn’t define it. At no point in her OP or follow up comments does she indicate that she is concerned that this may have been assault and battery and what should she do about that.
Taken from your perspective, the stepfather was in fact defending his child against an assault and battery with a dangerous weapon (a metal hammer) by the OP’s son on his daughter. Perhaps he should have called the cops on her son and pressed charges instead of swatting him on the butt.
Let it go.
twickster, MPSIMS moderator
Pretty sure there are some posters that are more worked up over this issue than the OP.
This thread was interesting. Then Dio started making it the Dio show and there was hope the thread would stay on track after Twickster’s note. But no. And now we pretend that there was no comment after 2 notes.
Well I always thought that it was parenting 101 that when your 2 yr old throws an attention seeking tantrum, the best way to handle it is to ignore the petulant, attention seeking behaviour?
You’re continuing the hijack by commenting on the hijack.
People, please get back to the topic of the thread. If you want to get into it with Dio, take it to the Pit.
Was he angry, or was he afraid? For all we know given the information at hand it could have been more like a parent spanking a child after they grab them to stop them from darting out into traffic.
I’m also curious whether the OP has ever spanked the boy and whether his acting up two years ago was a short-duration phase or has it been ongoing.
I have an impression it’s ongoing if the spanking discussion has been ongoing for two years, but I’m not at all certain of that.
My first comment was posted before I saw the note. I was going down the thread, catching up on posts I hadn’t read yet, and replied to one before I got down to the note.
The bottom line is that he’s NOT the boy’s parent. The OP and the OP only has the right to decide if her child should be spanked and who should do it. I see a lot of people in this thread basically telling her she doesn’t have a right to tell her boyfriend not to hit her kid. It is flat out not his prerogative to do that after she told him not to. It actually sounds like he was sorry and got the point. I don’t think h sounds like an awful person, but it’s no appropriate to pile up on a woman because she doesn’t want other people hitting her kid. For Christ’s sake, how about some respect for basic parental rights here.
(Highjack) I was spanked in a classroom with lots of windows that opened, once in one with air-conditioning, and there was no overcrowding that I can recall. And one of the teachers who paddled me was male. We were all expected to go on to college, and most of us did. And all our teachers were fully credentialed professionals who were practical and sensible and never took back-talk from kids that my sister is subject to every single day in her classroom and is powerless to react to. But maybe you are thinking of an older time than the sixties to seventies in a middle-class suburb of a fairly large city. All I know is, we were very leery of getting paddled, and respected the process so much that most of the dozen paddles that male teacher had were hand-made for him by former students as their first shop-class project in junior high…many with design elements added to increase pain. In talking with former classmates it is obvious they respected that teacher for holding them accountable. (end Highjack)
When I was a little kid in Louisiana, we also had paddling without crowded classroooms. It was just the culture of that time and place.
He may not be the legal parent but she’s treating him as if he were. So either he is or he isn’t. If he is then he has every right to act as a parent including the right to discipline as he sees fit. If he isn’t then he’s nothing more than a babysitter and should be treated accordingly. She needs to make up her mind and decide which role she wants him to fill. Both the son and boyfriend deserve clearer boundaries.
I agree. But I didn’t bring my laundry to the internet to have everyone compliment it. I was very upset about something, and I stepped back and considered how to address it so that I didn’t allow my anger to influence how I spoke to the person whom I share my life and child with, and whom I value a great deal. I really just wanted pointers for how to talk to him about it since I was so angry and I struggle with communicating effectively on a GOOD day. It has been a valuable lesson in temperance to see how offensive my original approach would have been.
The SO and I discussed it last night and while I DO NOT think what he did was ok, I understand why he did it. It was not a willful disregard for my wishes, it was a knee-jerk response to a situation and he acted out of anger. He’s sorry, it won’t happen again, and we cleared the air about discipline and authority. The conversation was that much more successful because of all of the, uh, objective opinions you all shared. Thanks for that.
No. Sorry, but he doesn’t. She is the legal parent, he is not. He does not get to ignore her rules. Hitting her kid against her expressed wished is a violation of her parental rights. Where are people getting this idea that parents don’t have a right to say they don’t want thir kids to be spanked?
Your boyfriend doesn’t sound like a jerk, just like he lost control for a second. Don’t let anybody here tell you that you don’t have a right to tell other people not to spank your kid, though.