Brain Games #3 : Movie Morph

Not a whole lot of response to the last game, but the “Shakespeare does Pulp Fiction” thing was definately worth the price of the thread. Here’s another …

Take the name of any movie; well known or not. Change one letter (just one!) in the name to create a new scenario and provide a rationale for it. For instance, “Saving Private Ryan” would became:

“Saving Primate Ryan” : sequel to the Planet of the Apes.

Hit it, Bosco …

Saint Eutychus

The Paine Mutiny: One of the greatest writers of the American Revolution turns traitor and sides with Benedict Arnold.
*Forrest Pump: * A simple-minded country boy gets horny in the woods.
When Harry Wet Sally: A woman gets a divorce because of her husband’s incontinence.
The Postidon Adventure: Cliff Clavin and the Teeming Millions take an ocean voyage on a ship that capsizes.
The Codfather: Mafia doings in the briny deep.

“If you drive an automobile, please drive carefully–because I walk in my sleep.”–Victor Borge

Star Drek – Yet another in the space travel series.

Dick Track – Follow Warren Beatty’s Technicolor sexual escapades.

Masablanca – The white plantation owner escapes to Morocco after a slave uprising.

Cacablanca: Rick comes across two rolls of Nazi toilet paper, steals Ilsa back from Asslo.

The Musk of Dimitrios: Peter Lorre searches Instambul for the story behind the mysterious criminal’s cologne.

Fantastic Soyage: Miniaturized team of scientists try to find eliminate MSG from the president’s Hunan diet.

My Stepmother was an Allen - A child struggles to accept his father’s homosexuality.

Lord of the Fries - Teens fight for survival in the fast food industry.

The Blair Bitch Project - Documentary on the life of former Facts of Life star.

Gore with the Wind Scarlett O’Hara’s tale as produced by Peckinpah

Lone with the Wind Scarlett O’Hara never meets up with Butler during the war and spends the rest of her life listening to the wind sweep away Tara’s topsoil

Gone with the Wine After Rhet leaves, Scarlett takes up drinking in a serious way

Gone with the Wand Scarlett O’Hara meets her fairy godmother, whose magic wand she steals

Gone with the Wend Tara is washed away by the local meandering brook

Gene with the Wind Scarlett gets into DNA in a big way

Gone With the Bind - the fascinating story of Chinese foot fetishes.

Hairsfray - the poignant story of a teen-ager with a bad case of split ends.

The Wizard of On - the life of Timothy Leary.

Citizen Lane: Lois buys The Daily Planet.
Easy Wider: No change to the movie at all.
The God Couple: Oscar and Felix get religious
The Podfather: The main bodysnatcher comes to Earth, and is he ever mad!

Livin’ on Tums, Vitamin E and Rogaine

Corn on the Fourth of July - Vietnam veterans have a summer cookout.

Chafing Amy - Man’s search for talcum powder for his bisexual girlfriend.

MOSH* - USO troupe entertains G.I.'s in Korea by playing good dance music.

Dial “R” for Murder - A dyslexic hitman’s story.

Brian’s Bong - Football’s player’s career is cut short by drug abuse.

From the adult section:

Chitty Chitty Gang Bang
You’ve Got Tail
Ball St.

Hideous Pinky: Brain’s growth formula has a few side effects. . .

– Sylence

“The problem with reality is the lack of background music.” – Anon

The Perminator – Arnold becomes an Uzi toting hairdresser.

The Pig Hit – A hit man gets hired to butcher a prize winning pig for a mob wedding

Coldfinger – Bond uses new tactics in his porno debut.

In the Game of the Father - AN IRA member and his father are imprisoned for crimes against the govt. and learn to bond through the powers of Baseball while in prison.

By the way, isn’t this how Dom Delouise chooses his movies now? (Silence of the Hams, Plump Fiction)

Don’t let the loveless ones sell you a world wrapped in grey.

Gulp Fiction- It’s called Le Royale at 7-11s in France…

Sawing Private Ryan- A magician who cuts people in half at Normandy.

My Favorite Martial- A man from Mars wins a Kung Fu tournament.

Lost in Spice- Either a tale of Magellan in the Spice Islands, or someone who wanders backstage at a Spice Girls show. Danger! Will Robinson!

Trainspitting: Scottish junkies who enjoy expectorating on people.

Drainspotting: Scottish junkie plumbers.

Trainsporting: Scottish junkie football players.

Trainsnotting: Scottish junkies with allergies.

Traitspotting: Geneticists search for the Scottish junkie gene.

Titles I considered using, then thought better of:

Gong With the Wind

DUNCES WITH WOLVES-Western epic starring the 3 Stooges

GOYS’N THE HOOD-Jews and blacks unite to drive the KKK out of Beverly Hills

SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMA-A tragedy in one act

A FRIDGE TOO FAR- Couch potatoes die of thirst

WAA AND PEACE-the baby is finally asleep

IN THE LINE OF TIRE-The reason behind road kills

BORN FRED-Marilyn shocks her classmates at a class reunion*
*these are off the top of my head from something I read a long time ago

Sometimes life is so great you just gotta muss up your hair and quack like a duck!

Dial ‘M’ for Murker Fog delivered! just dial. . . .

The Pound of Music STOMP! on tour!

The Hound of Music Early bio of Elvis

The Wound of Music Watch Tiffany and Jewel just break their hearts!

The Longest Hay Alfalfa towers over his co-stars in another Our Gang comedy

The Longest Way Cecil Adams labors to bring knowledge to the world

The Longest Dam John Wayne and Robert Ryan struggle to bring the Grand Coulee in on time and under budget

King King The story of the electro-shock hairdo that dominated boxing

The Welf Man Erin undergoes transgender surgery


Stare Wars: A sequel to My Dinner With Andre ( a silent film).

Splendour in the Garage…autoworkers fall in love

A Stripmine Named Desire…a faded southern bell destroys nature.

Snow White and the Seven Eleven…She finally gets a friggin job to support herself instead of mooching off dwarves!

Crassablanca…starring Jerry Springer.

"Aint’cha gonna eat me Wolfie?

"Aint got the time, Grandma!"

Dial M for Mulder - the second X Files movie

Citizen Dane - updated version of Hamlet(with Leo Dicaprio)

{i]Cow, Voyager* - Cowgod goes to college

I can’t believe no one did this yet…

*Stag Wars - * The expanded story of Bambi, told in three movies, with a trilogy prequel about his father (who, it turns out, had actually been raised by the hunters!)

*Paws - * Just when you thought it was safe to go into a pet store…

*Saturday Night Never - * Bill Murray, in a reprise of his Groundhog Day role, finds himself constantly waking up on Friday morning.

*Crease - * John Travolta working the steam press in a dry-cleaner’s store (Olivia Newton-John plays the owner’s daughter)

and finally (for now)…

*Beauty and the Blast - * Miss PLO is going to win the Miss Universe contest, or else! (And trust me, it ain’t easy to win a beauty contest with a three-day growth of beard!)

Chaim Mattis Keller

“Sherlock Holmes once said that once you have eliminated the
impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be
the answer. I, however, do not like to eliminate the impossible.
The impossible often has a kind of integrity to it that the merely improbable lacks.”
– Douglas Adams’s Dirk Gently, Holistic Detective

Dung – Sci-fi epic where consumption of you-know-what allows blue eyes and space travel.

Pulp Non-Fiction – George Will and William F. Buckley as hit men.

The Crying Dame – Film noir with Bogart falling for a transsexual.

Godfellas – Comedy, Italian gangsters decide to become Catholic priests.

South by Northwest – Warhol film about Cary Grant getting lost in a cornfield.

The Whining – Jack Nicholson obsesses over his blocked novel in a winter hotel until his family kills him.

The Seventy Samurai – Ronin help out a poor village, defeat the bandits easily, leave.

Can Buy Me Love – Student hires prositutes.