Brain mulch

Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share (MPSIMS)
#1

I’m sad because I let this stuff get me down. I shouldn’t. This is just a stop-gap clerical job in a sales company. It’s just…hellsbells…my colleagues do say the worst shit.

Here are some examples:

The pushiest, rudest, sales rep - the one who gets the highest figures, but has the lowest social skills - has a habit of staring at me. It’s unnerving, but ultimately innocuous. I can’t complain, because it’s no big deal, but I have described him as ‘pushy’. My manager didn’t like that:

'We don’t say ‘pushy’, we say ‘persuasive’. no hint of sarcasm. no wry smile

The girl I sit opposite:

‘I love asians! I once worked for some asians. Weird people. I think one of them had been forced into having a baby with a distant cousin. Brutal.’
WTF?

Me : ‘I’m just procrastinating’
Colleague: ‘What does that mean?’

Sales rep: 'My mates ex turned out to be one of those baby rapers. Disgusting. You know what I’d do? I’d send 'em all over to Africa, where those child soldiers live. That’s teach ‘em’
ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

My manager:

‘I don’t understand why you’re studying alongside working. Youre making a rod for your own back’. -Fair comment, I suppose, but I’ve explained why I study/what I’m studying AD NAUSEUM.

I feel sad, marginalised, unliked and outcast. I need to save up a bit before returning to study. This job is a lifeline. Nevertheless, the conversation makes me feel RAGE. They don’t like me. I don’t like them - and it’s becoming increasingly difficult for me to grin and bare it.

#2

I mean ’ i need to save up before returning to uni.

anyway, you get the idea - I don’t like me job

#3

Arrrrr, I don’t like me job neither matey.

This seems like sound advice.

#4

Have you considered staring back, then jumping up and down while making monkey sounds?

#5

A lot of people, should I say Most, do not like their jobs. But its better than the alternative.

#6

The solution is very simple:

For the next 3 months, write down every one of these howlers that your coworkers spew (they really are great). Publish as “Sh*t my coworkers say!” Cash the check, quit the job!

#7

I do hope youre joking.

#8

I just feel like I’m part of a massive practical joke. Nobody can be that stupid.

'Pedos! Just send ‘em over to Africa.’ Hmm. Erm…shakes head…I’m just not into this logic. No words.

Nobody likes their job. I mean - at least a massive chunk of the population hate their job. It’s just…MAN! These fuckers are the END.

‘Doctors. Pah! My brother went in to see his GP; do you know what she said? She told him to look up his symptoms on the internet! The NHS! It’s a fucking disgrace!’

‘I once gave to LiveAid. Never again. All charities are con artists’ - LiveAid WAS a hokey nonsense. It’s true. But not all charities are deceptive, just do your research. It’s just…

The 65 year old sales rep:
‘I wouldn’t mind looking at YOUR credentials’ hoho
ME: ‘Yeah. Lets all get our tits out!’
= firm words from colleague. Inappropriate banter from me.
…he didn’t mean ‘tits’ he genuinely just wanted a gander at some credentials.

All the while, the creepy guy is staring at me from a distant corner

#9

In all my many years, this is one thing about which I’ve been most consistently wrong.