I’ve been working at this organizations for about two years now and when I first starting working here, I was getting the cold shoulder from one of the workers. Wel like I said it’s been two years and I’m still getting the cold shoulder. I’m really wondering what her problem is because the way she acts there is no way to progress any work we are supposed to be doing. I have written a complaint abuot her attidude and she still acts this way, I’ve even tried talking to this women. I dunno, I feel it might also be that I am the youngest person working here, but I don’tthink that should be a problem.

I read the section on passive agressive behaviour and I think she may have it. I mean she lost her mother a while ago, i’m wondering she 's taking it out on me. But then again she doesn’t act like that in front of any of the other workers. I don’t understand her at all. I need some advice on what I can do about her and the way she treats me. This is supposed to be a professional office and she is not acting professional.

I know this may sound really weird but it’s happening and everyone I try to talk to in this office tells me, Oh maybe she’ll change. But nothing is changing. This women acts so nice in front of everybody else that they can’t see how evil she is. sometimes I feel like quitting my job because of her, yet I love what I do. I wish there was a solution to this problem.

Welcome to the SDMB, Tiffany.

Cecil did write a column on passive-agressive behavior. But you seem to be looking for advice more than simply commenting on Cecil’s work, so I’ll move this thread to the In My Humble Opinion forum, the place for advice and opinions.

moderator CCC

My opinion is that you go to work to do a job, not to make friends. If she wants to be a bitch, let her. I assume you’re OK with the rest of your coworkers? If so, then it’s her problem, not yours.

I learned a long time ago that you can’t please everyone. Life’s too short, Tiff.

Of course some of your best friendships in life could possibly come from relationships at work. But that isn’t the primary reason for working, obviously.

Preach it, Leaffan!

Why do you go to work every day? I personally go to work because I like making money because I have to feed my fish. It’s not a social club. I’m there to work, not to socialize. If she’s just giving you the cold shoulder, who cares? She’s not going to change, so you’ll just have to change how you deal with it. Laugh it off. Make a voodoo doll. Be zen about it. Just don’t let it get to you. Also, look at your own behavior. Are you acting as professionally as possible?

However, if what she’s doing is affecting your work at all, document everything. Keep a little log about what’s going on. It doesn’t have to be fancy, but if you can give specific dates and details about what’s going on, you’ll be happier if you need to make another complaint. Related to that, if you have to interact with her, try to work with her over email. That way you can make sure that your responses are calm, cool, and collected.

Lastly, try thinking of her as a cranky customer. Think about how you deal with customers who are less than polite and apply it to your interactions. But most of all, don’t let her get under your skin.

If you want specific advice, cite some examples of how she’s not acting professionally.

This deserves repeating.

^so does this:


I dunno…sometimes a person’s attitude, particularly when you have to work WITH them to achieve a goal, can have a huge impact on how well the work gets done. I’d mention it to the supervisor again if she’s being rude or withholding information you need to get the job done. If she’s just a jackass, bond with those who appreciate you and write her off.

Not to play too much of the troll’s counsel here-- I think there is a lot of good advice posted so far-- but at least with friends you can say, “You’re a passive aggressive bitch and I have proof right here in my DSM-III-r, see?” WHAM Then you never talk to her again and don’t invite her to your parties.

But at work, you’re sunk. You have to interact with the person everyday and try to get work done…

…and a truly manipulative person can make life, and work, shitty. Much worse than a friend who may get a little snippy from time to time.

Many people spend more time at work than they do with their friends. I have even been in the situation where I could stand to spend off-work hours with people and get along great, but two hours of working togather and I was ready to scream.

I worked with someone that made it impossible for anybody to do their work. She had a daughter die from an infection in the hospital. Two years later I’m working with her. She spent every minute of the day trying to get everyone fired and this includes everybody above her in rank. I never truely hated someone before I met her, and only one other person in my life has ranked up there with her. She called the main office every time the manager or I did not cave to her demands. She couldn’t work until your desk was arranged how she liked it. She even called headquarters, to make the manager put his personal office back the way she wanted it. I had had it with the job and getting away from her was a bonus. The depot manager was late coming in one morning and she was calling up the headquarters trying to get him fired in her usual devious way. She calls up the heads of all the main department at headquarters, and mostly said the same to all. Yes, Jim is two hours late and I’m worried about him, is he meating with you. Oh well I hope he’s ok, let me know if you find him, I’m worried that he had an acident or something. She had been bitching about him in front of me though. As soon as he came in I said lets go to lunch today. She was having a fit that we were leaving. I tolded him about the new lows she had reached that day, and he was already looking for new work. He quit a few weeks after I did. She was also doing the same with every employes, and she always brought up one thing when the head office called her on something. I’m the only one that can do anything right. You don’t appreciate me. I stay and worked late the night my daughter died in the hosipital, and you don’t seem to appreciate that.

How do you work with someone like that? You can’t work at a place when the co-worker is actively hostile to everyone.

I only ever hated one person in my life too, a co-worker from a couple of jobs ago. She was horrible, just horrible, and I took it personally for the longest. I was a particular target but unlike the OP I wasn’t the only one.

Perhaps she is jealous of you for some reason. Is she older and you younger? She may resent your work ethic or feel threatened by an up-and-coming worker. Perhaps she is sad or crazy. If it has been consistent for two years it’s probably not worth trying to figure out; just accept the way it is and go about your business.

The only part of this that is important is the part that affects the work you are trying to do. As jakeline said, document the ways in which you were impeded from doing your job, not in personal or bitchy terms, but professional ones. Learn as much as you can and contribute as much as you can and be ready to move on. Unfortunately there are rotten apples everywhere though.

Two words - assertiveness and boundaries. Be as assertive as you need to be to get your work done. Figure out where your boundaries are with this woman, and don’t let her get a toe over them (in an assertive way, of course). Beyond that, if she doesn’t like you, she doesn’t like you. Think of it as an opportunity for personal growth. :smiley:

Forgot to add - giving you the cold shoulder is juvenile behaviour on her part. Don’t stoop to her level - just be as happy and helpful as you can, ignoring her immature crap, and if nothing else, it’ll bug the piss out of her.

And could we please get some specifics of what she does? If she’s bullying you, that’s one thing. If she just isn’t very friendly, that’s another.