Sometimes, the way the cafeteria menu at my campus tries to sound like a fancy restaurant really amuses me.
Not that I’m complaining or anything. Our caf is several cuts above your average school food. Most of it is edible, and some of it is really good. But the descriptions on the menu pamphlet are often less than accurate.
Let’s see… last night was “Beef burgundy- Tender pieces of beef cooked in burgundy wine sauce. Served on a bed of herbed noodles and sauteed spinach”. Translation: large chunks of gristle with some meat attached. And I’m not sure how it was served on a bed of anything. Yes, the sides were parsley noodles and spinach, but everything was served seperately. Why couldn’t they just write, “Beef cooked in burgundy wine sauce”?
Ah, that word “tender”. My dear caf staff: you keep using that word, but I don’t think that word means what you think it means. When they serve their tender pepper steak, for example, one needs a hacksaw to properly chisel through it.
Another concept they seem to have trouble understanding is "al dente’. More or less every noodle dish is described as such. True, they’re usually not mushy, but they’re not that firm, either. Medium noodles. Sturdy and reliable everyday noodles, perfectly acceptable for lasagnas, zittis, and Canadian shells. Oh, and they often use the word “tossed”, too, as in “tossed with mariana sauce”.
Did I mentioned the vegetable side dishes are often “simmered”? Not that I usually eat vegetables, but as far as I can tell they look like ordinary vegetables to me.
Anyway, like I said, I’m not complaining. The lasagna jardienne (or however you spell it) is to die for, and truely al dente to boot. The chicken noodle soup has real chicken in it. And they sometimes have strawberries in the salad bar. But the pretentions the menu uses are just too funny.
