I know I’m old and I grew up in a time when parents were quick with a backhand or a belt
I simply do NOT understand the actions of these parents
Couple number 1
Bob and Sue are divorced. Sue has custody of their son Jason (16) and she moved two states away. Bob gets Jason in the summertime (and bitches about having to continue to pay child support for those two months but that’s another issue).
Sue sent Jason $400 to buy clothes and supplies for school. I’m not sure how she sent it but Jason ended up with $400 in cash. She didn’t tell Bob she was doing this.
Jason took the $400 and took himself and friends on a spending spree which included an amusement park.
Now Jason has no money for school clothes and supplies.
Bob and Sue are fighting, she feels Bob needs to give Jason another $400 for clothes and supplies and it’s his fault for not monitoring how Jason was spending the money. Bob says he can’t monitor Jason 24/7, he has to work,
and Sue should have told him she was giving Jason the money and therefore she is at fault and she needs to come up with another $400 for school clothes and supplies.
What I don’t understand is why Jason is not being held accountable. When I said this I got a look like I was totally crazy because how is a 16 year old in any way to be held accountable.
I also said that if he were my son he would not be getting any new clothes for school and his supplies would be the cheapest and the bare minimum.
His birthday is in October, then he will get new clothes and better supplies and that is all he would get. And he’d better be thankful for it or he won’t even get that.
The other incident I don’t understand was on Dr Phil.
Some bratty 14 year old looked through her mothers phone and saw that mommy was flirting with another man. She also snooped through her parents bedroom and found her fathers stash of pot.
Since discovering this the girl has been acting out because of her parents behavior and dumb ass Dr Phil called the parents on the carpet.
In the world in which I was raised, I can assure you that had I ever even thought about snooping through my parents room the last thing in the world I would have done was confront them with anything I found.
Not once was it said to the girl that she had absolutely no business snooping through her parents things and that as the child she had absolutely no business questioning anything her parents do.
In what world do parents answer to their children?
I don’t know if I am behind the times or some parents today are just to wussy too stand up and act like parents.
For #1, I’m first going to blame Sue. She trusted a 16 year old, out for the summer, with $400 in cash. That’s just dumb, especially by not informing the custodial parent. In terms of blaming Jason, you certainly want to do something, but if the money exists, you don’t want him to be unprepared for school. His birthday is coming up, maybe that spending spree was an early birthday present, so he gets nothing in Oct., but he gets reasonable school supplies today. I’d personally be fighting my initial desire to overpunish for a betrayal of trust.
On the second one, definitely should have taken the kid to task for snooping. However, “no business questioning anything her parents do” is a bit too much. Do as I say, not as I do, is a crappy life lesson.
I agree completely with your assessment of the first story. Any kid should be taught that nonsense like that doesn’t fly by the time they are six.
I’m not sure what your point is for the second story. I’m sure the girl caught it for going through her parent’s stuff, but that wasn’t what the TV show was about. Again any kid who has been properly parented would know better long before 14.
None of this has anything to do with using physical violence as a way to punish kids. That can even exacerbate these kinds of behavior problems. Not hitting kids doesn’t mean being permissive. Too many parents just throw up their hands and say “I can’t do anything with these kids” when what they really mean is that they can’t be bothered to get off their asses and be a parent in fact instead of only in name.
As with anything, there is a tradeoff with any parental method.
My parents were strict on their children. Not necessarily in terms of rules and boundaries, but in how they engaged us. Our opinions were never consulted on any matter. We weren’t given choices. My parents didn’t really care to know what our internal state was. They only cared about having us behave and act “right”. Any sign of dissention was met with the threat of violence. And we all knew it wasn’t an idle threat.
Though there were hiccups along the way, their four children all became upstanding citizens. So there’s that. However, for years I wasn’t my parents’ biggest fan. I’m still not their biggest fan. I love them, of course, but I still resent how they treated us as children. I suffered from low self-esteem for much of my adolescence and early adulthood. I can’t help but think having parents who treated me as if I were a passive thing to be bossed around all the time had some role to play in this.
Being an overly permissive parent is not good, of course. But I’m not going to sing praises for the “good ole days”. There are plenty of unpleasant older people walking around who might have turned out better if it hadn’t been for all that backhanding they got.
I’m sorry
I’m not saying they should get a backhand or a belt
but more I grew up in a time when such nonsense as this would not have been tolerated.
I could be trusted at 16 with a credit card and the keys to the car to go school shopping.
I knew better than to go through my parents personal things.
I just don’t understand the sense of entitlement of some kids and that the parents feed into it.
I joke about being from the era when parents beat their kids. But I was rarely hit as a kid, and the last time my mom tried to slap me I was a mouthy teenager – and in retrospect it was kind of deserved – I blocked the slap (that’ll teach her to put the kid in karate).
So by “beat their kids”, I generally mean “discipline their children”. Some parents used the belt, some didn’t.
Anyway, yes, parents are lazy these days. I see people trying to reason with toddlers. Who reasons with a two-year-old in full tantrum?
As to the above:
#1 - Sue was stupid. But Jason, as a lesson, should go to school in his old clothes, at least for a bit. Obviously you have to buy the kid school supplies, but he doesn’t need cool clothes.
#2 – Mommy’s phone should be locked. Daddy’s weed should be locked up. What the hell is wrong with people? As for the acting out, that should be addressed head on. I don’t care about the root reason, it’s not acceptable to do x, y, and z. Knock it off, or you will lose certain privileges. And stay out of other people’s stuff. That’s a bad habit.
I did go through my parents personal things and found some very enlightening books. The old *Joy of Sex * that I found almost put me off it forever with all the hairy hippies.
But I certainly would never have mentioned finding it to my parents!
Also, I think some of the bad behavior is because it’s all over popular shows and media. The sassy bratty kid gets laughs on TV.
In all honesty I did a little snooping as well.
I knew better but kids will be kids, but like you, damn if I would have ever confronted my parents with anything I found.
I only found a book of dirty jokes, most of which went right over my head.
I didn’t understand why it was never brought up on Dr Phil that the girl should not have been snooping.
That was my first thought and the first thought of most of my friends as well.
I agree that Jason can go to school in his old clothes. It’s not like they are rags, but his parents don’t want him to be embarrassed by not having the latest and coolest.
My heart bleeds for him. :rolleyes: