Nope - by definition, all brides are beautiful and all babies are cute.
And all young mothers (older ones too) are beautiful. If you look at your baby with love in your eyes, you are more than cute - you are beautiful.
Regards,
Shodan
I’m all for breastfeeding in public. However, I’m pretty modest and preferred to cover up or go somewhere private. Like I’m generally uncomfortable changing clothes in a locker room, I just don’t want to sit around with a boob hanging out. Neeps- I second Dangerosa’s recommendation of the Nordstrom lounge as a good spot to nurse. I also did a fair amount of nursing in the car (not while driving, obviously).
I totally sympathize. I actually got one of those comments when I was feeding my baby. What really pissed me off was that I was feeding her breast milk that I’d pumped that morning! With the prevalence of pumps, even if you’re bottle feeding, there’s no way to tell what you’re feeding your child. Some women pump exclusively instead of direct breastfeeding, too. Although that wouldn’t be my cup of tea (I love to avoid a bottle whenever I can - not only do you get the extra snuggle time, it’s one less thing to wash), how is that or what’s in the bottle anyone’s business at all? Grrr.
People need to back the hell off and let people feed their babies in peace.
I have been around the Internet a few times, and in these discussions, the specter of the woman “whipping out her breast” to feed a preschooler in public always seems to come up as an example of the kind of breastfeeding that we should definitely be against. Even though everyone also admits that it is highly unusual to see someone nonchalantly baring their entire breasts in order to nurse, and even more highly unusual to see someone nursing a toddler or older in public.
Most nursing moms, myself included when I was still in that category, are relatively discreet about it. I never even used a blanket while I breastfed (I almost typed “beastfed”; ha!), and I would say that most casual passersby never even noticed what I was doing. My shirt came down over most of my breast, and the baby’s head covered the rest.
Maybe it’s just that my kids are older now so I’m removed from the so-called “controversy” but it does seem to me that people these days are less fired up about this topic than they used to be. I remember the first few times I nursed Whatsit Jr. in public, I was absolutely terrified that someone would call me out and throw me out of the store or wherever. But maybe that was just a new mom thing, too.
I never nursed my kids in public after they were a year or so old, by the way. Nursing a toddler is a pain in the ass under ideal circumstances, which nursing in public decidedly is not, so once they could drink milk or water or juice or whatever from a sippy cup, that’s what they got when we were out and about.
That’s just inexcusable.
:rolleyes:
Considering that not all babies find it easy to latch on to the breast (my friend had a premie who fell in that category) that’s actually a very cruel comment. I would have told her off quite loudly.
Oh, I get so sick of this defense. “Hey all I did was grossly insult people like you and insinuate that you love yourselves more than your children. If you can’t take that, I guess it’s because you just know deep down inside that you are wrong.”
You didn’t say formula was inferior. You called formula feeders by choice assholes and insinuated that they loved themselves more than the kids. Tell me formula is inferior all day long, I have two beautiful boys who are currently racing back and forth in the living room, they’re so robust. I made the decision that was best for us. I went to formula after five months because I hated every minute of breastfeeding, and in the case of my youngest, I was going back to school anyway.
The simple fact is that in the first year, the emotional well-being of the mother and the well-being of the child are so intertwined that unless a new mother is beating her infant, I won’t tell her she’s wrong. The fact that breast-feeding is better than formula is a fact, but it’s not a fact that exists in a vacuum. Therefore I choose to use my energy educating the uneducated on breast-feeding, and why it’s perfectly acceptable to breast-feed anywhere a baby is permitted, and not on insulting women for their choices.
My wife breastfed all our kids (still nurses the one year old), and I’m very supportive of the practice and think it’s unquestionably the best option for both the baby and the mother when its feasible.
Having said that, I have no truck at all with the anti-bottle nazis. There are all kinds of reasons a mom might have to use formula, and it’s not aways because they want to. It’s also not "bad’ for the baby. It’s not as ideal as breast milk, but it’s adequate. When it comes to a mom feeding her baby in public, whether it’s with a tit or a bottle, people need to mind their own business. The only exception I would make is if you see somebody feeding a baby something that is alarmingly inappropriate like Budweiser or anti-freeze or something.
That’s awful. Then again, the LLL is more than a little weird. The concept that something that is perfectly right and utterly preferrable 98% of the time might not be so good 2% of the time is lost on many of them.
That said, women should feel free to breastfeed wherever they choose as long as it’s safe. I’ll admit to being a little taken aback now and again, but that’s my problem.
Ah, I think this may be the problem. This was not meant to be an equation of everyone who uses formula, yet might by physically capable of lactating, with selfish assholes. But I can see, looking at it again, why one might read it that way.
I do judge people (in my own head, not telling to their faces) who refuse to consider breastfeeding because it’s “icky” or “too much work,” or who deliberately avoid evidence that formula introduces risk because they don’t want to be convinced that the choice they’ve already made might be less than equal to the alternative. (And I think all of us judge parenting decisions, in a similar silent way, even when we know it’s none of our business. Do you honestly not have the slightest pause when I tell you of the infant being given Mountain Dew in a bottle? Is that an equally valid parenting choice, just because it’s short of beating, torie?)
But I also think that each woman does ultimately know her own circumstances and tolerances better than an outsider, and there’s a chance I might agree with a specific person’s decision if only I knew the details.
And I’m not sitting here judging women who have to work and can’t pump (or pump enough), or who were given bad information, or no support, or a freaking can of instant formula by the hospital. I think a lot of women can’t breastfeed, not because of physical restraints, but because of the way our society is set up. And I mean “can’t,” not “didn’t but could have if she really wanted to.” For breastfeeding to succeed, women **need **good information and support, and sadly those are often lacking.
As much as I get frustrated with attitudes out there, and our low breastfeeding rates, I don’t consider myself the Breastfeeding Police. I’m mostly interested in offering information and support to mothers who are interested in breastfeeding. There’s plenty of work to do in that area - I see no need to try to chase people down and make them nurse! When I help moms, I try to make sure to see what their goals are, and help with that, not impose what my goals would be.
I TOTALLY disagree that every baby is cute. I have been shown some babies where it’s all I can do to say “aww…” poor baby. 
Besides, you have to have some fondness for babies in the first place to think they’re cute and they’re really just bundles of noise to me. I get bored in about 3.2 seconds.
I’m not sure why you don’t understand that “beating” is shorthand for, “any treatment clearly not suitable for an infant”?
FWIW, I read your statement the same way Unauthorized Cinnamon did.
Well, perhaps I should amend my statement to “unless she’s treating her child in some way that’s clearly not suitable for an infant.”, although it’s not as succinct.
And smells. Don’t forget smells. 
I try not to get close enough for that, actually.
Thanks, but I’m actually in the UK, and it would be an awfully long trip to get to a Nordstrom lounge for a quick nursing session!
I suspect I may just be one of those people that limits where they go while they are nursing. I have done in my car so far (fine, but a little uncomfortable - I like my pillows and support), and in my local park under a tree (again, fine, but rather uncomfortable).
Sorry to derail slightly, but do any UK dopers know of good places outside to nurse a baby? I was in a baby room in Boots, and to be quite honest, I wouldn’t have stayed there to nurse (I had to change my baby, but it really didn’t seem clean enough to feed him there - it smelled of poo!). Are there any Nordstrom equivalents that generally provide good facilities?
Also, to answer the OP, as I haven’t really done that so far…before I had a baby, I was totally okay with mothers nursing in public. I probably didn’t even notice it most of the time. Now that I am a nursing mother, in theory, I feel I have the right to nurse wherever I need to (which is thankfully supported by law), but I’ve suddenly come over all modest and am finding it difficult. I would love to be able to express and bottle feed, just to have the option, but my son has other ideas about this.
If you’re shopping, you can often use the fitting room to nurse. Private, relatively clean, and usually has a seat of some sort.
I have found nursing in the back seat of the car isn’t bad. Actually the best was when I was borrowing my mom’s Expedition - it was almost like a mobile home!
Sometimes the easiest thing is to just sit cross-legged on the floor/ground in a secluded location, or facing a wall or something to give some privacy. I once plopped myself down beside the Tobacco Trail in Durham to nurse, because I couldn’t think of a better solution.
But why would you be out with a breastfeeding baby and not be prepared with a shawl? It isn’t like suddenly the baby appears, milk comes in, and baby needs to be fed. It isn’t like you aren’t leaving the house packed with diapers, wipes, changes of clothes, ointment, an extra hat and the kitchen sink. Even when you are prepared, breastfeeding on demand, except for the very coordinated and lucky who can sling feed (I’ve known a few) means finding a place where you can sit down for a bit in some sort of comfort. Finding that spot in a corner rather than the middle of a traffic pattern really isn’t going to impact your baby’s well being.
Neeps, I once read advice to sit at home in front of a mirror to see how you look while nursing. You may be less exposed than you think you are. I was surprised how much I didn’t look like I was nursing when I actually was … and didn’t worry much about it after that.
For what it’s worth, I still recall my lactation consultant telling me not to listen to half of what LLL said. Her comment was, “Now, La Leche League can give you a lot of good information. They would also tell you that your baby has a right to be on the breast 24 hours a day 7 days a week whether you work or not. But, most of us who live in reality know that’s impractical. And you’re not just a pair of breasts. You’re not a bad mother if you don’t want a 3-hour nursing session. What you should do is let your daughter nurse. If she’s gone longer than 25 minutes per side and you need a break, stop for 15 or 20 minutes. Try to distract her. Repeat as necessary.” This was when I called my lactation consultant in tears because my daughter was going on 3+ hour nursing benders and when I asked a LLL representative, they told me I needed to suck it up and that if I was going to complain, perhaps I needed help “reprioritizing.”
I think it’s sad that even lactation consultants have to distance themselves from such a prominent breastfeeding advocate because of the sheer numbers of bad experiences new moms have had with them.