Sometime sthe babies won’t tolerate being covered. There was a woman here in the Twin Cities who got arrested at an Old Country Buffet a couple of months ago (in probably violation of state law) because she was nursing a baby at her table, and the baby kept pushing the blanket down. Some uptight customers complained to the management, and the management called the cops.
State law says that mothers have a right to nurse in public, and the woman said she was going to sue, but I don’t know what’s going on with the case now. I believe that OCB eventually apologized.
In any case, sometimes babies just won’t cooperate with the cover-up.
You know, I’d thought about doing that, and then not actually done it, so I really should give that a go. From above, looking down, it does look like there a bit too much flesh on show, but I guess that’s not the view most people are getting. I think I’m also concerned about what I’m showing when I’m getting ready to nurse, and trying to cover up again - maybe checking it out in a mirror will assuage my fears (or confirm that I’m giving everyone a good nipple show!).
You know, this thread has given me a lot to think about - I’m at the stage of trying to figure out how I’m going to make breastfeeding work in a practical sense over the next few months, and it’s good to hear that a) people have made it work fine, and b) that a lot of people are okay with it. After all, a feeding baby is a quiet, happy baby (if you can ignore the slurping…).
… “Look! A baby!” “What a baby!” “That’s certainly a baby!”
I have a friend who adopted several children from overseas. The youngest was an infant, several years ago, and was Ethiopian. My friend is… very white. Some lactivist came up to her while she was feeding the baby at a mall, I think, and gave her a five minute lecture about how breast is best before she could get a word in edgewise to tell her that, duh, the baby is ADOPTED. Which still didn’t really satisfy the bitch.
Its one of the reasons why I think requesting discretion isn’t a big deal. Because it does usually take some work to flash a significant amount of boob breastfeeding - especially once you (and baby!) have it down.
Yep, my son is Korean. I’m darn white. Ghostly pale in fact. And it happened more than once. And once they are on their roll, there is no apology, no stopping them, no “Oh, my God, I’ve put my foot in it” realization.
But I got my share of impertinent remarks with him many times. My favorite was when he was about eight months old “how are you doing to understand him?” Blank stare from me. “I mean, he doesn’t speak English, does he?”
Just to throw out a positive tale of LLL, to let people know that not every chapter is bad:
Many of you probably remember my woes trying to get my milk up to full volume when WhyBaby was born. Lactation consultants, constant pumping on various schedules, herbal supplements, even Domperidone (ordered over the internet from a New Zealand pharmacy, since it’s not approved in the US) and I finally got it up to about half her needs. Plus, she never got a good latch on my huge nipples, so she couldn’t take anything from the breast directly, so I pumped for 14 months. I supplemented with formula as needed, of course, because there’s no milk bank in my area.
I went to a local LLL meeting, with a bottle of formula (she’d drunk all the breastmilk I had been able to pump), and got nothing but sympathy and genuine support. They weren’t ultimately able to help me increase my supply any more than I had, but I bottlefed her formula right next to all the moms nursing, and they smiled, told me how beautiful she was, how lucky we were, and invited me and the bottle back anytime I wanted to hang out.
On the mommy wars debates the only issue I feel vehemently about is the decision to vaccinate.
Unless you are specifically told by your pediatrician that you should not vaccinate you’d better vaccinate. I don’t care if you breastfed until he was five, used a few dozen disposable diapers a day, put the baby in daycare the second he turned three months old or had an epidural the moment your water broke.
Go around spreading whooping cough or measles and I think you should be taken out and shot.
I can’t speak for everyone else, but to me it’s not an issue of “OMG, boobies!”, it’s an issue of “eww, bodily functions”. I am female and am not in any way attracted to breasts, in fact nudity in general I have no real issue with (I mean, it would be strange if someone was naked on the street just because it would be so unusual, but it wouldn’t offend or titillate me). I think nothing of seeing a naked bum say, in a locker room or at a clothing-optional beach or on a little kid, but I would be grossed out if I saw poo coming out of that bum. Similarly, I have no real issue with seeing a breast (although I will admit to doing the occasional double-take), it’s the sloppy grossness I don’t like. I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels this way.
I’m always surprised by how strongly some people seem to feel about breastfeeding. If it’s not your kid, why the hell do you care so much? On another board I read someone who asked for advice about her difficulties with breastfeeding was greeted with “well, if you can’t put the effort into feeding him properly now, how are you going to react when it comes to the hard part of parenting?” Ouch.
When I reached the ‘baby age’, where many of my friends suddenly began procreating at the same time, a few of them became very staunch breastfeeding proponents. When one of them went on a big rant about how only a selfish lazy person would bottlefeed, and how the kid would end up dumb and sick all the time, I pointed out that I was bottlefed. My mom had some serious health problems after I was born, and had suffered from the same issues after my older brother was born, but had struggled to continue to breastfeed him (due to pressure from others) and eventually the extra strain and fatigue of doing that landed her in the hospital. To avaoid a repeat, I was bottlefed (by my Dad) from day 1. Sure, my mom *could *have breastfed me - she had the milk supply. Anyways, I am no less healthy than my breastfed brother, and while I’m not sure if I’m smarter than him I’m certainly not dumber than him. And while I don’t remember it, I’m sure I reaped the emotional rewards of a mother who was not a stressed-out, weepy mess all the time. To my amazement my friend still insisted that I would be a better, stronger, smarter person if I had been breastfed.
I think the ‘tetchiness’ comes from the automatic assumption that the choice is in fact inferior. Baby formula these days is pretty good stuff, and many of the benefits of breastfeeding are not nearly as large as, say, LLL wants to make them seem. For example, the jury is still out on the IQ gain thing, and even studies that report it say it is only 3-5 points, which, while statistically significant, is more or less negligible for your actual real life. I’m thinking the babies future success is going to be more affected by the parents emotional state than it is by those couple of points.
While I would never condone calling someone out in public over anything short of an immediate threat to the baby’s life, I would also never make assumptions about biologic relationships: interracial relationships are becoming increasingly unremarkable, and genetics are funny things in any case.
The language thing is pretty irredeemably stupid, though.
Maybe the person who made that comment is so stupid because they were bottle-fed?
(kidding! kidding!)
Seriously, OP: if my two choices are listening to a hungry baby screeching, or a being-fed baby slurping on a boobie … well, then, whip that thing out and feed the baby already. I won’t stare or make a snide comment. Anyone who does deserves a squirt of milk to the eye. (One more thing to practice in front of a mirror!)
To be fair, that’s happened to me a few times. I’ve been overly full, my baby’s been overly eager; he’s then recoiled in horror at the volume of milk coming his way, and voila! Milk spraying everywhere. Mostly over the baby.
Neeps-when I was on maternity leave I’d often go to the coffee shops inside bookshops to breastfeed. They are often not too busy during the week, have nice cushy sofas and are set up so that people sit quietly and read or use their laptops, so you have the minimum of staring onlookers and a peaceful atmosphere if you’re trying for a post feed nap.
Ikea was a godsend. Miles of floor to walk to get the baby to sleep, free tea or coffee with your Ikea family card, great baby changing facilities, free baby food with each adult meal, and a special private area to nurse in (with armchairs).
Northern Ireland has very low breastfeeding rates (something like 11% of women in North and West Belfast are still breastfeeding at 6 weeks) and in an effort to increase that the Dept of Health have a “Breast Feeding Welcome Here” scheme where businesses can register as breastfeeding friendly. Their staff are then trained to be sensitive and aware of the needs of nursing mothers. I looked up local cafes that registered and found a great one- the staff got to know me and would help me get the buggy to the back corner booth and would bring me a glass of water whenever I started nursing. Maybe you have something similar in your area?
If the child can eat solid food. You don’t know that the older child (who you can’t age by sight, btw) who is nursing in public can eat solids. You don’t know that the child doesn’t have medical issues or developmental ones. You don’t know pretty much anything about the situation except what you’ve quick-judged through your western lens. The only fitting response to an older child who isn’t yours breastfeeding from breasts that aren’t yours is to treat it like an infant doing likewise. If it bothers you, look or go elsewhere. You don’t know the situation.
Yes, it is. The “breast is best” equation is skewed. Breast milk is normal and the standard. Formula is the simulacrum. It’s never going to be what breast milk is, regardless of any factors. I wish that were better understood. There are a lot of people who honestly just do not know that, and I’m okay if someone chooses to formula feed with that knowledge, less so when someone makes that decision out of ignorance.
As for LLL meetings full of demanding anti-formula harpies, remember what LLL is, small groups run by volunteer leaders, and to be a leader you have to be passionate about the subject matter. The tenor of an LLL group that comes together voluntarily is going to be formed by its most vocal members as joined or enabled by the leader. If everyone there is willing to actually gang up on a mom, that’s because the people who wouldn’t do so were scared away from that group by its strident tones. You can’t make a blanket condemnation of the LLL or lactivism as a movement because 30 or so women in one location were over the top in their advocacy.
Thanks, Irishgirl. For some reason, I’d not thought of Ikea. We’re moving house in a few weeks, and will be much nearer our local Ikea. At the moment, it’s a bit of a hike, so hadn’t been on my radar.
Aha! My health visitor had promised that she would give me some information about breastfeeding friendly places in Glasgow, but in usual form, had forgotton to actually give me the information. A little digging has got me this, a breastfeeding guide for Glasgow. I’ll be moving a little out of the target area, but it should still be useful for when I’m out and about. I’m not sure if it is as good as the initiative that you’re describing, but it’s something. I’ll look into whether we have anything similar here, though. You never know. I assume a lot of Glasgow has very poor breastfeeding rates too.
