Breastfeeding in public- Are you OK with it?

[aruvqan]

@WhyNot

Ah, silly me. I thought the time to feed your kid was when she’s hungry.

at 4 years they bloody well should be on solid food, and feeding themselves. If they need comfort, a hug and some soft talk should do, and giving them some solid food snack if hungry.

[WhyNot]

@aruvqan

at 4 years they bloody well should be on solid food, and feeding themselves. If they need comfort, a hug and some soft talk should do, and giving them some solid food snack if hungry.

I’ve already responded to that. If you missed it, it’s within a couple of posts of the one you quoted. In short, I missed the 4 year old part.
Edited for rampant bitchiness. Sorry about that.

[Tristan]

I will admit to being that guy.

I like most babies, and I love boobs. I will admit, I get a bit of a voyeuristic thrill when I may get to see a boob, regardless of the intent behind it.

But my friends would never, ever know that. Because I am also, or at least I try to be, a gentleman, and certainly wouldn’t stare. Just because I like something, or am attracted to something, certainly doesn’t mean I’m going to make a pig of myself.

That being said, even if I’m not to get a glimpse of a boob, I am 100% in favor of public breastfeeding. Feeding babies are happy babies, quiet babies, and in my experience, usually soon to be sleeping babies.

[DianaG]

@tumbleddown

If the child can eat solid food. You don’t know that the older child (who you can’t age by sight, btw) who is nursing in public can eat solids. You don’t know that the child doesn’t have medical issues or developmental ones. You don’t know pretty much anything about the situation except what you’ve quick-judged through your western lens. The only fitting response to an older child who isn’t yours breastfeeding from breasts that aren’t yours is to treat it like an infant doing likewise. If it bothers you, look or go elsewhere. You don’t know the situation.

I’m pretty sure I can discern the difference between an infant and a four year old on sight. And if for some vanishingly rare reason he can’t have solid foods, he can have a sippy cup. And yes, I see things through my ‘western lens’ because I live in the US, as does, presumably, whomever I’m seeing breastfeeding a four year old at the mall. As previously mentioned, we’re livin’ in a society here.

I’d never *say *anything, because you’re right, it’s not my kid and not my business. By the way, I"m PRO breastfeeding, I’m only anti-harpy.

[Unauthorized_Cinnamon]

@tumbleddown

. . .
Yes, it is. The “breast is best” equation is skewed. Breast milk is normal and the standard. Formula is the simulacrum. It’s never going to be what breast milk is, regardless of any factors. I wish that were better understood. There are a lot of people who honestly just do not know that, and I’m okay if someone chooses to formula feed with that knowledge, less so when someone makes that decision out of ignorance.

As for LLL meetings full of demanding anti-formula harpies, remember what LLL is, small groups run by volunteer leaders, and to be a leader you have to be passionate about the subject matter. The tenor of an LLL group that comes together voluntarily is going to be formed by its most vocal members as joined or enabled by the leader. If everyone there is willing to actually gang up on a mom, that’s because the people who wouldn’t do so were scared away from that group by its strident tones. You can’t make a blanket condemnation of the LLL or lactivism as a movement because 30 or so women in one location were over the top in their advocacy.

Thanks for that - I couldn’t agree more. Practically every month, we’re finding out something new about breast milk - some new component that binds iron or lends immunity, or does some fantastic thing that formula can’t do. And no matter what, formula can’t change like human milk does, to meet the current needs of the child. Formula is like getting most of your vitamins from a pill - a good safety net if you can’t do better, but not nearly as good as getting the natural form, which we can’t synthesize quite the same as it is in nature.

Another positive LLL story - my friend had twins, and she nursed for a while, then quit when it became too much for her to keep up with. She had been going to LLL meetings, and stopped when she switched to formula. The Leader called to check on her, and invited her to keep coming. As long as she was interested in breastfeeding information, she was welcome, regardless of what her babies were eating.

[Dangerosa]

@MandaJo

While I would never condone calling someone out in public over anything short of an immediate threat to the baby’s life, I would also never make assumptions about biologic relationships: interracial relationships are becoming increasingly unremarkable, and genetics are funny things in any case.

The language thing is pretty irredeemably stupid, though.

Yep, I don’t have any problem when people assume my husband is Asian. But a multiracial parenting situation should give someone at least a little speed bump before the rant starts.

[DocCathode]

Of course mammary glands are for the feeding of offspring. To deny that would be truly stupid.

However, breasts are most certainly also a sexual signal. Note that chimps, gorillas and the rest manage to breastfeed their young just fine despite being flat chested. The protruding, curvy breast is a sexual signal to the male. You could argue that the West has over sexualized it- that it should be no more taboo than a woman’s eyes, lips or the curve of her hips. But, it remains a sexual signal.

[alice_in_wonderland]

I’m totally pro breast feeding and plan on doing it when Jr. arrives in 2 months. Even if he can’t latch (or something) and I have to pump, I’m pumping. And if I can’t pump enough, I will continue to pump and suppliment with formula. This is in part because it’s super healthful for him, and in part because I’m totally shallow and vain and breast feeding is the best way to lose weight after a baby. Win-win!!

I do need to share a story though - I used to work in a restaurant. I was wandering around offering people coffee - a woman who had been breast feeding moments before was sitting with both her bare breasts SITTING ON THE TABLE. She pushed her cup towards me for a refill. I swear to god I was afraid I was going to scald her boobage with hot coffee. I am 100% pro breastfeeding, but that was a bit much, even for me.

[Meyer6]

@MsWhatsit

Meyer6, if you can actually see breastmilk spraying from the woman’s breast, she is definitely doing it wrong.

While I’ve never seen anything I could describe as ‘spraying’ (eww), I definitely have seen slobbery milk dribbling down the boob. But, I’m thinking even the absolute minimum effort at discretion would prevent you from seeing that.

[MandaJo]

@Meyer6

While I’ve never seen anything I could describe as ‘spraying’ (eww), I definitely have seen slobbery milk dribbling down the boob. But, I’m thinking even the absolute minimum effort at discretion would prevent you from seeing that.

Prevent you from seeing that 95% of the time. But while I’ve never breastfed, I imagine it’s like anything else: it takes a little time to get it perfectly under control, and even when you do, there will be the occasional slip up–especially if you aren’t being super-totally-100% paranoid about it, and especially if you haven’t had more than 3 hours of consecutive sleep in the last 6 months. So if one is in a situation where a woman is reorganizing her clothing and a little nipple peaks out, it’s best, I think, to give the benefit of the doubt rather than to think “god, how trashy”.

[Peremensoe]

@Diogenes_the_Cynic

It’s weird that it’s an issue at all. I’ve lived in countries where it was as normal and mundane a sight as seeing somebody eat a sandwich and nobody gave nursing mothers a second look. That’s what breasts are for. That’s how feeding babies is supposed to work. It would be hard to imagine anything less inappropriate. The fact that we think it’s an issue at all in this country is emblematic of our own pathology, it’s not a function of the act itself. We fetishize breasts as sexual organs. Not all cultures do that. It’s a cultural thing, not an organic thing. Because we have eroticized breasts, we have created a false cultural perception that the exposure of a female breats is automatically sexual, and that a woman doing so even to do something as innocent and necessary as feeding a baby is doing something vaguely transgressive and naughty and might make people uncomfortable, so she needs to “be discreet,” and mindful of other people’s fetishes.

Much truth here, but I just want to point out that breastfeeding is not incompatible with breasts as sexy.

Cuz, you know, I’m in favor of that too.

Just as the normal and healthy use of other body parts (whichever ones you and your lover are fond of) for their design purposes should not remove them from potential eroticism, in the right context–neither should routine breastfeeding require a desexualization of breasts.

[Meyer6]

@MandaJo

Prevent you from seeing that 95% of the time. But while I’ve never breastfed, I imagine it’s like anything else: it takes a little time to get it perfectly under control, and even when you do, there will be the occasional slip up–especially if you aren’t being super-totally-100% paranoid about it, and especially if you haven’t had more than 3 hours of consecutive sleep in the last 6 months. So if one is in a situation where a woman is reorganizing her clothing and a little nipple peaks out, it’s best, I think, to give the benefit of the doubt rather than to think “god, how trashy”.

I don’t think “god, how trashy”, I think “urp, I might heave”.

[foolsguinea]

@Der_Trihs

Would you stare if she was eating a hamburger?

Is she eating a hamburger in a sexy way?

I have a lot of aunts & female cousins, generally fertile, & generally breastfeeders. Compared to a woman eating a hamburger, breastfeeding isn’t all that visually interesting. (Though I do find myself curious which nipple-aureole morphology genes they got.)

[MsWhatsit]

I am eating a hamburger in a sexy way right now.

I am not spraying milk while doing so, however.

…maybe I should stop posting so late at night.

[Freudian_Slit]

@Anaamika

I TOTALLY disagree that every baby is cute. I have been shown some babies where it’s all I can do to say “aww…” poor baby.

I like to use “Breath-taking,” from Seinfeld, for those really ugly babies.

[kayaker]

@MsWhatsit

I am eating a hamburger in a sexy way right now.

What are you wearing? I’ll bet there’s ketchup on the burger; am I right? Mmmm. Is it a juicy burger?

[Nava]

@Hello_Again

I actually have heard people make insulting comments to bottle-feeding mothers like, “Your baby would be healthier if you breastfed” or “breastfeeding increases intelligence.” They aren’t telling them to stop, only guilting them about their children’s future. :rolleyes: It’s all part of the YOU’RE A BAD MOMMY brigade’s plans to make every single mother feel inadequate somehow.

@Anaamika

And this makes me want to slap people so hard their heads fall off. If there’s anything MORE gauche than whipping out both boobs in public and making an obvious show that you are breastfeeding and that you want the attention (because I have no doubt she wanted that; we’re in the SCA dance class for godssakes and of course the men will look) it is trying to tell other people their business. SHUT UP. You have no idea why a mother can’t breastfeed.

For all those morons know, it might even be her own expressed milk in the bottle, too.

[Drain_Bead]

I breastfed Josie for 11 months, only quitting when she suddenly decided she was completely done with it. (I actually tried to force her to continue for a couple of weeks, as all the books said it’s rare for a baby less than one year old to self-wean…has anyone else tried to get an 11-month-old to eat something they don’t want to? It’s not pretty.) But I digress. I, like Neeps, have giant knockers and am generally a big girl (6 feet tall and plus-sized), so even the hooter hiders risked showing stuff. Consequently, I never really breastfed her in public–I would always retreat to the safety of the car, where I had a My Brest Friend pillow that I could use for support. I always felt like I needed three hands in order to do it right–that pillow was entirely necessary!

I’m weird. I hated every minute of breastfeeding, but did it because I knew it was best for her. And it’s good that she quit when she did, because I had no real exit strategy. I had to take multiple herbs for supply, wasted 1.5 hours of my work day pumping just to get less than half of what she needed from about 9.5 months on (we burned through backup and had to start supplementing with formula at 10 months), and generally found it to be way too much work. All the people who spout off about how convenient it is to breastfeed can shove it.

Had anyone given me a hard time about NIP, though, I would quite possibly have gotten arrested based upon my response to it. I’m thankful that nobody ever seemed to notice.

[Dangerosa]

I was never a good breastfeeder either. Also had supply problems (my milk took seven days to come in and she had to be bottlefed formula because she was dehydrated), had to work and pump and my daughter self weaned at six months. Once she self weaned, the pumping could not maintain the supply. I never really enjoyed it - and ended up screwing up my shoulder with a knot that is still there (my daughter is almost eleven).

I’ve always said when we are domesticated by aliens - some of my girlfriends might be used for dairy…I’m meat.

[chela]

Breastfeeding is an art, it takes work and planning for a first time Mom. When one can acheive that effortless latchon from a settled down infant and return to conversation and coffee, it makes me want to cry its so beautiful.

Breastfeed away - If I notice I promise I won’t stare, neither obviously,surrepititiously, nor furtively. I may smile at you and perhaps linger a moment after I notice you, just remembering my own babes at the breast. The same goes for a diaperless baby, airing his bum, drying out, in between changes, whatever reason, her privacy is assumed and given. Adults need not stare, comment or act offended. Leave italone, and myob, please.