Went to the Brickyard 400 (aka “The Allstate 400 at the Brickyard”) today with some buds. This event occurred at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. Here are my observations.
People talk about the whole White Trash Gone Wild thing. But the people I saw today were well-behaved, bordering on completely docile. You can get into style of dress and whatnot, but you see the same assortment of white people that you see pretty much anywhere around here: fresh and fluffy, skanky and scruffy. I would not call the Brickyard a snarkable fest any more than your average walk in the Indy Parks System.
Now I will note that the whole topless thing is pretty in your face. For women that means they’ve got their tatas going boyoing-boyoing in some bikini thing. I saw one oldish slunker with a tatt ring around her navel, which was further pierced, and her dugs were all punchy in their sacks with cutoff jeans below. It was a sight.
But her man was letting it all hang out. There are two types of bare-topped man at such an event, and he was one of them. The first is the Skinny White Guy. He is usually about five inches thick, has a ripply belly, blurry tatts, and underwear protruding from his shorts. A subtype is the Mean ‘n’ Skinny White Guy, who’s got a mean look on his face.
But this dude was of the Huge Sack of Shit White Guy type. They’ve got these monstrous hairy guts that are just disgusting. How could anyone show such a tum-tum without ultimate shame?!
There were not many black people at the track (NASCAR is basically WT only, it appears), and some were beefy but they kept their shirts on.
- I had hoped to receive my first golden shower, if I even wanted one at all, from a woman, but I ended up getting one in the men’s room. I bellied up to the piss buffet, and there was a big ol’ dude with a chunky pud doing a firehose into the trough.
Now, I had already started (cock over tighty whities, not through dick hole, my standard MO) going and could not run for cover when, to my dismay, I felt delicate drops of wee on my hand! I couldn’t believe it, wanted to deny it (hadn’t professionals designed the trough to prevent just such unhappy events?!), but still the drizzle continued. I scooted to the left and away from the splash source just as much as I could, but I was already as far over as I could go without pissing in the aisle. But I was finishing and perhaps he started to sense my discomfort and somehow the whole event ended.
What is really gross is that it probably wasn’t the dude’s piss but rather many dudes’ piss splashing over as a result of his high-pressure stream. Lord Jesus, please don’t let me get herpes or AIDS.
- Can the IMS and NASCAR just totally create their own legal regime by writing whatever they want on the ticket? “You attend this event totally at your own risk, nothing that happens to you is our fault, etc.” Is that legit?
I know that a spectator was killed at the Indy 500 in 1987 when a tire flew up and took him out. So was it like, Whoops, you’re dead! Nya, nya, we’re not responsible, see you at the funeral Or was there a lawsuit despite the boilerplate next to the raincheck stub. I’m truly curious.
Speaking of danger, there were several wrecks today that looked no better or worse than the one that did in Dale Sr. in 2001. You can check out the footage on YouTube for that–it just doesn’t look like something that would kill someone.
What of the mental level of the sport and the spectators? You know, I can totally understand the appeal of seeing and hearing things that go vroom. Vroooom! It sure is fun. But I can’t really understand why people would follow this thing as a sport and spend lots of money on tickets and whatnot. Sure, it’s mostly people with IQs around 80 watching, but even such folk get board of doodads spinning around a track, don’t they?
There were also some mystery drops of “rain” that I presume were toilet effluent from the two blimps flying overhead. Or something equally disgusting. There was also a rain of beer or whatnot as you walk under the stands, etc., from beer cans overturned or whatnot.
I must also say there were some hot chicks there, too. Even some skanasauri that would be doable with suitable protection.
OK, maybe you were there, or maybe you’ve got some observations about NASCAR yourself. Please feel free to contribute, racing fans!