Bringing a snowman to life

I’m not a smart man-- I don’t know much about physiology, biology, kinesiology, meteorology or the voodoo necessary to animate frozen precipitation-- but I’m fairly confident it’s not possible to bring a snowman to life. Or am I wrong?

Can someone explain to me how this works? Do I need some sort of blood sacrifice to get things rolling? Should I use a human corpse as the foundation?

How do you get the musculature necessary to allow a 50-100 pound snow creature to move around effectively? Do I need to construct the legs, or will they be formed during the transformation process?

Also, as far as talking goes, is there a physical larynx present in the snowman’s neck, and is that something I need to include, or do the forces behind the dark arts involved provide for that?

And maybe I’m getting ahead of myself-- are the dark arts involved, or is it something a little less terrifying? Can I involve my kids, or should I keep them inside while the lifeforce is conjured?

Finally, for the attorneys out there: in what ways am I legally responsible for this creature once he’s alive? Is his long-term well-being something I need to think about? Is he technically alive? An American citizen? Can I be criminally prosecuted if I were to decide to end his existence? And what if he were to injure himself on my property? Can he sue me?

Thanks! I don’t want to fuck this up.

First you need… a magic hat. :smiley:

a catchy song helps too…
As well as making him not-so-tall…

Here you go: step by step instructions.

And a video. :slight_smile:

nm

WHen Frosty transformed into a living creature, he went from 3 giant stacked up snowballs to the big puffy guy we all know and love. I think his limbs formed during the transformation process.

As far as the legal implications, I think it would work like kids or pets. You can be sued civilly for crimes committed by your snowman, but you cannot be held criminally responsible. So if your snowman went on a killing spree, it might cost you some $$$, but you won’t go to prison :cool:

Just keep your snowman away from my snowblower.

I would like to add that if your snowman trips and falls on your property, you should kill him just to be on the safe side. This can be accomplished with a blowdryer and a tiny bit of magic.

When it doubt, it’s better to be safe than sorry. I’d definitely start with this.

How do you make a snowman? Well, when a daddy snowman and a mommy snowman love each other very much…

Yes, snowballs are involved.

Just a timely reminder.

Frosty was made of Christmas snow.
My theory, developed from watching “Curse of the Werewolf” is that being born on Christmas has transformative properties. That’s also why I think snowmen often end up going on murderous rampages.

So this is the time to get out there and make your snowmen! Or Snowomen!:wink:

I’m guessing that it uses some sort of kabbalistic magic. Frosty the Snow Golem.

It must be true! It’s in The Bible!

Hmm. My sister was born on Christmas. Is there anything in particular you suggest I look out for?

Does she have an affinity for snow snakes?

The re-enactment animation shown on television doesn’t show the children running and screaming from this snow-creature as it came to life. I can’t imagine any child just taking his transformation as matter-of-fact or even joyous as in the show. This makes me wonder about the veracity of the depiction over all.

In fact, I heard rumors that bringing Frosty to life was quite a painful and laborious transition for him. As his icy skeleton formed, eye-witnesses reported unholy sounds emanating from his writing body. As his eyes formed from the coal, they rolled around and darted toward the children as if to shriek for help before his mouth formed to bring him relief in the form of screaming and vomiting up blood.

I’m thinking the depiction we were shown was watered down a tad, for whatever reason.

Of course, I meant “writhing” not “writing.” Frosty writhed quite a bit while his crystalline snow-cells were imbued with life and with it torrential, agonizing pain and a thirst for mammalian (or more specifically, human) flesh.

Only Jesus can save you from Frosty’s wrath.

NSFW: Matt Stone and Trey Parker’s very first South Park cartoon.