Broke Doper Sob Story

The BBQ Pit
41

I graduated with about the same loan size as you, plus some credit card debt. This was after I did work while going to school, so don’t beat yourself up over not working - you still would probably have debt.

Defer the loans. Really - it is so easy and it will not hurt you, but will give you extra money now when you need it. I deferred for a year and then consolidated. You can consolidate even if you only have one loan, and it brought my monthly payment down to $75 a month for 20 years. When you make more money in a few years you can double the payment and get rid of it quicker, but it’s not the biggest thing in the world. Creditors and banks are not afraid of people with student loans, they see people with more college debt than this all the time.

Move in with your parents if you have to, but if you really want to move out on your own, find a roommate or 2 and do it. Work as a waitress or something if you can, you can make decent money in cash and it leaves your days free to job hunt. I worked about 5 different jobs in my first 2 years out of school before I settled in (in a job that is still not in my field, but I know a decent job when I find one).

This will pass. Keep going. I know it sucks now but it will get better!

42

Even Sven your sense of entitlement beggars the imagination.

You have a degree with honors and a measly little 15K note that that has been stretched out to infinity for you. Any intelligent and educated person in this society with a proactive up and at 'em attitude could easily be making enough in a few years to support themselves and knock that note out in a year or three at worst, and yet your attitude is basically to to lie on you back flailing your arms and legs in the air, while bemoaning your fate, your insufficiently generous relatives, and the fact that you cannot find work that is sufficiently attuned to our creative ambitions.

It’s been known for what … decades now that getting a degree is no guarantee of getting a job in your desired area, especially if your degree is non-technical or somewhat esoteric.

Pull your nose out of your naval and look around. It’s the real world and it’s not waiting for you to get your head screwed on straight, nor does it particularly care about how disenchanted you are that things aren’t falling into your lap. Your family is not betraying you at this “adult with an honors college degree” stage in your life, you are betraying yourself by sad sacking yourself into some odd delusion that you are owed something more.

Get off your rear end and get moving.

43

That’s what I get for listening to my dad. According to him, the three most expensive cities to live in the US are: NYC, Washington D.C., and Boston. I live in Boston. Then again, I have no idea where he got his info, so it’s entirely possible I’m talking out of my ass.

Besides, I spent my college days learning Latin, Greek,and Ancient History. So modern North American Geography isn’t exactly my forte. :stuck_out_tongue:

44

Can’t IDBB and Even Sven start their own Self-Pity Club and stop boring everyone else with their sob stories?

Even Sven. you are free to do anything you want to do! You can hostess in Japan, teach English in Prague, or work in New York. You have no husband, no children, and a measly $15,000 school debt that can easily be repaid.

Nobody is going to hand you a prefurnished life. Nobody is going to give you the dream job, or the perfect environment. Nobody is going to smooth out life’s inconvenient wrinkles for you. You are in charge of your own life and your own choices.

Stop being a victim and DO something with your life!

45

Even Sven,

I know things seem really dismal to you right now, but to be really honest, you are sounding an AWFUL lot like I Dig Bad Boys. I don’t mean this as an accusation of being a sock, but more along the ‘woe is me everyone is to blame’ type of posts.
If you want to see what you are coming across, read her “I hate work” tirades some time.

I know you are venting, etc, but how many times do we have to hear the same story (different verse) before your venting becomes whining? There will only be so many times that the dopers here will offer great advice and sympathy before they become tired of it, you know? Being the boy who cries wolf all the time is a fast way to wear out your welcome.

I know things seem hard right now. I do understand. Unfortunatly, the only one who can help you at this point is yourself. Go back and read all the posts you have posted before. Read the advice you have been given.

I hope things work out for you.

46

OK then, you’re such a natural, you don’t need to try.

If you can’t do so in an honest manner, maybe you don’t need to put in your 2 cents at all.

After all, lots of people in this thread are exhorting her to get moving and take the initiative in her own life, without being quite so assholish about it. What did you have to say that was so special and important that you needed to lie to say it?

Speaking of pointless self-pity ;), nobody’s asking you to carry that load…

47

I for one am getting sick of these pity parties. even sven, you have posted three or four of these at least in the last few months. Yeah, I know, if I don’t like them, don’t read them. I will try once more though.

I really like what astro wrote. You are in charge of your life. No one is going to hand you all of the stuff you want at the age of 23. You have to work for it, always aiming towards your goals. You may have to do a lot of stuff that you might not like first. It’s called paying your dues. You worked very hard in college. Good for you. That, however, is not even close to paying all of your dues. I am sorry to say this but liberal arts college grads with honors are a dime a dozen. That alone will get you nothing. Keep pushing and quit feeling sorry for yourself.

Haj

48

$150/month for the next forty years to pay off $15,000?

I can’t even begin to imagine the kind of interest rate that must be.

I’ll be paying off $20,000 plus the interest in 10 years with payments of $250 a month.

49

I wish I had had it that good when I was your age, even sven. I moved out and into a car when I was 17, and managed to do college (well 3 years anyhow) with zero financial aid because every application required a copy of my parents tax return to determine need, and that was impossible.

You say you sit around the house all day, and I have to wonder how hard you are really trying to find a job. You should be able to find something that pays your required rent+$100 and likely more. It won’t be glamorous, and you’ll likely wear a nametag and smile at everyone as you take their order, but it’ll pay the bills until you get everything worked out.

I know $15k seems insurmountable, but it’s really not that bad. It’ll all work out.

Oh, and despite some clear instances of bad parenting, you’re pretty lucky to have your parents to fall back on right now. Personally, I think it would be terribly bad form to be griping about them if you end up living with them for free.

50

No offense, sven, but if you can’t find a job with an undergraduate degree (in film, wasn’t it?), I seriously doubt if going to graduate school and getting even further in debt is going to help.

It is unrealistic to expect to land your dream job in this kind of economy. And moving to NYC without a job and an apartment lined up ahead of time is a good way to become homeless.

You worked hard, you had fun, you wound up with a worthless degree and a load of debt. Welcome to adult life.

Take a job, any job, to put food on the table and a roof over your head. Do not quit the job until you have a better one lined up. You will not be able to find a fun, exciting job. Those don’t exist without experience and marketable skills. You have to take the crap jobs to get the experience and to show you have marketable skills.

If you keep your eyes open, and are lucky, you may even find a job (eventually) that is, indeed, fun and exciting. It probably will not be in films. I am not employed in a field related to my major in college either, and I am making a comfortable living and having a reasonable amount of fun, and I have not been out of work for the better part of twenty years.

I know this does not sound very sympathetic, but sympathy will do you no good. You are not entitled to a job because you graduated with honors. You have to find it for yourself, and finding a job is the worst work in the world.

Start digging yourself out a life. Running back to the safe little womb of school only delays dealing with the situation, and makes it worse later.

Good luck. Get to work.

Regards,
Shodan

51

My degree is in Film as well. Maybe you should look up Osbie, hers is film, too. Cartooniverse may be a good source of advice - film - and in NYC.

I don’t work in Film. Worked in Marketing and did some video production right out of college, but you get treated like shit and paid in shit - so many people want to work in film that its really easy to pay someone peanuts and treat them poorly - if they quit there is always another person willing to put up with crap for the “glamour” of film.

I work in IT now.

People are right - astro and Shodan and others. TaxGuy, though not exactly subtle, has a point. You get to choose what is worse - being on the street, living with your parents while you save some cash from a less than exciting job, working for an abusive boss, or saying “do you want fries with that.” That’s life, it sucks, but those are the options of the moment. On the plus side, life sucks somewhat less as a 20th Century American with parents to fall back on than it has in other places or other times.

(Have you thought about scoping out advertising? Particularly small marketing communciations firms as a writer/creative. Corporate communications may be up your alley. But both of these jobs will likely take MONTHS to find, they don’t drop out of trees and competition will be fierce - so decide to do something else while you look to keep a roof over your head. You could try to sweet talk someone into letting you do some freelance writing in one of these markets.)

Here is my sob story, its more than ten years old, but its worth telling.

I graduated from college and bought a house and got married. I had about $90,000 in debt between the house and a car loan (I got lucky and had no student loan debt). I quit my job because I didn’t think it was worthy of me or that they treated me with the respect I deserved. I started doing secretarial temping. My husband left me for another woman - leaving me with a mortgage and a car payment that was 105% of my take home pay (and I was a lucky temp - being good at what I did I worked nearly every day and almost always got a check for 40 hours). I had no benefits and was in bad need of a root canal. I took a job with the firm I was temping for as a secretary - got medical benefits (hello needed root canal! - although I still had to come up with several hundred dollars in copay I didn’t have) and a raise - now my car payment and mortgage was only 85% of what I was taking home. I got raped by my boss, but couldn’t afford to leave the job, having no way to pay my mortgage and being terrified of losing my house. Was diagnosed with clinical depression and post traumatic stress syndrome. Eventually got involved husband, who had just declared bankruptcy and was paying off about $20,000 in debt (mostly student loans), that I then “inheireted by marriage.” He was underemployed as a freelance writer/Starbucks coffee jerk having a degree in Sociology (another unemployable field).

Eventually, I got into IT with that same company. Switched firms and began what turned out to be a “right place, right profession, right time” lucrative consulting gig. Husband started a “career” job that didn’t involve vanilla syrup and began climbing his career ladder (three years after graduation, this doesn’t happen fast - and it took another five of working his butt off to move to a job he found exciting and challenging and where he was paid more than peanuts).

A little over ten years later - house is nearly paid for (different, nicer home). No student loans. Bankruptcy done (and everything paid off), no other debt. Money in savings. Job I love, job husband loves. And I haven’t taken an antidepressent in three years (though I am smart enough that if there is stress - and there was when my kids were really little - to get help before I bottom out).

My sister has a similar story. Its taken her seven years out of college to get herself on her feet. Her degree is Wildlife Biology, graduated with honors. Got a Masters when she couldn’t find a job (and she still couldn’t find a job that didn’t invovle teaching high school kids). And she is now a manufacturers rep for sporting equipment - and one day fairly shortly should dig herself out of the pile of debt she accumulated that makes $15,000 look like pocket change.

It ain’t easy. It is more difficult now than it was three years ago, but it wasn’t any picnic ten or fifteen years ago either.

52

All right, reinforcements arrived! Thanks folks.

Dangerosa, I didn’t think that subtlety was warranted here. even sven needed a kick in the ass, and I hope I gave her one.

So how was your first day back at work with the old guy, even sven? :smiley:

53

Hey, I know it is easy to lay on people for whining about how bad they have it when it’s really not that bad. But I remember the new feeling of being fresh out of college and being hit with the reality and uncertainty of it all. It is a transition, coming out of school and all the structure and feedback and encouragement that it provides into a world where you get none of that. It’s tough out there right now, and it is hard to realize that you may never be able to make a living doing what you love, or at least not for years.

I felt that way and got through it, so do most people, and I think so will Even. I don’t think she’s complaining so much as feeling overwhelmed. Maybe it’s because this wasn’t too long ago for me, but I think it’s something every student experiences (except for maybe that 1% that gets their dream job just out of college. Damn them!) and you just have to cross your fingers and jump in.

Even, be reasonable in your expectations, but don’t give up on what you want to do. If you really want to go to grad school then do it, but not if that is just a way of stalling. I think you can make many plans work, it is just a matter of making some choices and following through. Don’t let yourself get frozen thinking about what happens if you make the ‘wrong’ choice, there is no one way that is right or wrong. Keep trying different things, and allow for some flexibility in terms of what kind of job you are looking for. Lord knows I never would have thought I would end up working here in a million years (I was a theatre major - now I work for an engineering company), but it is a decent job and I am content for now.

If you do need a kick in the ass, I’m sure this thread will do it!:wink:

54

Dangerose, if I may ask: is the husband who loves his job the same one that left you?

55

Nope, second husband.

First one is still married to the woman he left me for.

56

sven, I really hate to do this, but come on, this is getting tired. If I had kept drinking (i.e. not doing anything to improve my situation) and would periodically come to the boards, whining about how shitty life was, and how I couldn’t get a break, and how sick I was, and how I never had any money, and how my job sucked … I’m pretty sure many posters - even those I considered “on my side” - would have gotten more than weary of my reveling in self-pity. Instead, I did something about the situation, and found the encouragement I needed, and in just 9 short months, my life has completely turned around.

I’m not comparing my situation as it was to yours as it is now. Just trying to impress on you that while it’s OK to rant, for the love of God, follow it up with resolve, and do something. Take the advice of the people here. We mean well, all of us. Explore all of your options - even ones that you might dismiss at first. You might just be surprised what’s possible if you’re honest, open, and willing to let things get better.

Best of luck. Easy does it - but DO IT. :slight_smile:

57

That makes far more sense now, Dangerosa. (btw, sorry for mistyping your name up there)

58

And before you say “But I am going to do something about it!” … I posted what I did - unpopular as it might make me - because I had to get it out there. I’ve been following your posts for some time, but never replying.

An example to clarify why I said what I did: I’m given suggestions in my recovery all the time, and I’m a stubborn sonofabitch in following them, but when I finally do, I’m always astounded. “You mean that simple suggestion actually works on me?” :wink:

No one’s that unique.

59

Not to send this thread completely off topic, but rather to offer sven some encouragement by way of anecdote, I was one of those who mocked scott evil in the past. I knew nothing of his personal demons at the time, but have been silently cheering him on in his recovery ever since finding out.

I think the noblest people in the world are those who confront their situations face to face and show the determination to win.

Congratulations to you, scott, and best wishes to even sven and IDBB as they, from different places, still follow your footsteps.

There are hundreds here cheering for you all.

60

You know, Shodan, is it really necessary to insult her choice of degree?

I know my degree isn’t exactly what’s in demand right now, and I am having a hard time finding a job. But you know, I really don’t care-I’d rather take a chance and study something I love than saddle myself with something that will make miserable, even if it makes me money.

However, I DO agree that sven needs to stop feeling sorry for herself. Or at least stop doing it so blatantly. I get frustrated, but then I try and stop and remember to just keep trying. That’s all I CAN do.