Stop telling me not to worry, because I know how screwed I am.

The BBQ Pit
1

For fuck’s sake, yes, I’m fucking worried. Why? Because I’m a fuckup. I’m graduating in 32 days. I lose my job when I do. I do not have another job lined up. I do, however, have a useless and expensive degree (because I’m fucking retarded) and forty grand in loans to repay - not counting a few thousand more in my parent’s names.

I have used up the deferment on my loan payments, because I fucked up my education so badly I flunked out and took a year off.

If I was a remotely intelligent person, know what I would have done? Gone to a state school where I could have gotten some credit from the useless IB courses I took in high school. Graduated in three years with a degree in a real field, and by now could have been graduating with not just a master’s degree, but a useful degree, which would actually be helpful in getting a job. Instead I did none of that and have spent the past five years making shitty decision after shitty decision, and now I’m fucked.

My parents and sister - who are all gainfully employed and have at least had plenty of time to get over being fuckups - all keep telling me not to worry. I can request a forbearance and my mother has even offered to help with some of the payments, which would be awesome if A) I wanted to completely destroy my credit rating before I hit the age of 23 and B) I decide ‘fuck having any dignity or pride, I’m 22 and unable to support myself so I’m going to mooch off my parents after finishing college like the pathetic cunt that I am’ is a good strategy to get me through life and also C) that my mother and father will quite possibly split up because my father rightfully understands that I cannot live with them and that taking any more money, ever from them is pretty much the most pathetic thing in the world. They’ve supported me for 22 years and I already owe them enough fucking money.

But everyone keeps fucking saying not to worry, because things will magically work out and someone willing to employ an idiot like me will swoop down and save the day and pay me enough so that I can pay for rent and food and loans, and everything will be fine. And then magical winged unicorns will fly out my ass and use it’s horn to gore the fuck out of me as a mercy killing.

2

What is your degree in?

I graduated from an expensive, and well-regarded, liberal arts college in 2001, only to find myself unemployed and living with my parents afterwards (the economy was bad then, too - not like this, of course, but no party). It took a solid six months of sending out resumes and going to interviews before I got a job. In that time I worked retail to help offset the costs of living with my parents, and did my best to find a job.

I won’t tell you not to worry, because it’s a worrisome time. But I will tell you that there are others that have been exactly where you are, and that there are paths out.

Oh, and you are NOT a fuckup for taking the path you did. I have seen debates here before about state schools vs. liberal arts and so on. When I graduated and was unemployed, I was bitter and unhappy; if I had gone to a state school and gotten a practical degree then my job search may have been easier. But I found an employer that valued my degree, and looking back on it now I would never have picked a different school.

3

Is temping an option for you? It will help pay the bills in the meantime, and it should be enough money to keep you afloat, as long as you develop a good name for yourself and your temping agency starts giving you regular or longer-term assignments. That’s what I did when I was in career limbo, and it worked for me. To be honest, I hated the type of work they had me do when temping (typical white-collar office stuff), but the agency was great and I got offered jobs at both of my longer-term placements (both of which I declined) in the five months or so I was in the temping pool. Hey, it’s one reasonable option while you’re out in the job hunt.

4

First off, chill. I know this is probably no what you want to hear, but deal with it. Panicking will not help.

Second, I’m 27. I still have to live with dear old mom because I’m going back to school (it’s tuition or rent, and I can’t manage enough hours on the side even with two jobs). This is more and more common these days and the old practice of simply leaving colelge and going right to a job is harder and harder to do. The boomers have rather right fucked a lot of things up, and until they die of, there won’t be enough jobs for the rest of us.

Third, you are going to have a hard time finding a job, but I guarrantee you are not the only person in this situation. When I graduated the first time, it took me nine months to find a job, and it paid… not much. And then I was laid off a few months later. I got back on my feet, but it took a while. I went into business for myself, quit that after two years, then got a new job almost out of the blue, made a lot of money… then got laid off again.

And I had a blast. I learned more about myself in those years - my strengths and weaknesses and all - that I’m not sorry for a minute of it. When I go to give a speech or an interview, I’m confident because I know who I am.

Fourth… well, you screwed up your student loan situation. And that debt is not really dischargable even in bankrupcty without extreme circumstances. You will probably have to suck it up.

Without knowing what degree you have, I can’t help more. However, if you liked it, and you learned something, that’s about all any degree will get you. Some math-based or engineering degrees might earn you a job - employers are used to wiggy wonks (brilliant, but no social skills). But even a Vusiness Admin degree won’t help that much.

First, go down to your university’s career center if it has one ask for some direct counseling and resume help. Build a resume. Make it one page and look nice, and get in print and electronic format. Now, get relatively cheap paper copies and hand them to every relative and friend and family friend and enemy and family enemy (though by this time you’re probably back to your friends :wink: ) and professor you have. Ask them to give those to everyone they might. Check that e-mail address frequently.

If you have a carreer fair or something, go to it. Look into taking one class or something if necessary, but go to any big career fairs. Even now, some companies are hiring. Again, check with whatever career center your university has.

There are a lot of services, like Teach for America or Americorp or Peace Corp, which hire a lot of new graduates for a year or so. You can teach English in a foreign country or help out in a classroom in a big city. They pay decent, certainly not great, but if it’s something that interests you try it. At worst, you put it on a resume and talk about how much of the world it opened up for you.

Finally, go ahead and send out some blind e-mails. Post something on Monster.com, but make it very specific. Look into insurance - it’s not actually a boring field, they usually have lots of openings, and it’s a pretty good place to start with almost any degree.

5

Don’t worry is simultaneously the best and most worthless advice you can give someone freaking out about their problems. Because, really, the best thing you can do is not freak out, it only keeps you from being able to deal with things, and 99% of the time, stuff pans out more or less OK in the end. But telling someone not to panic doesn’t really do anything to make them not panic, still, there’s a reason its on the cover of The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.

But for what its worth, I was in what I’ll hazard to call worse straights then you after undergrad, to the point of being homeless and sleeping on the beach for a few months. So I swallowed my pride, moved in with the folks for a few months, got my life together, got a job, and am currently employed, self-supporting and can even afford to buy the fancy cheese at the Supermarket instead of the synthetic neon-yellow crap.

And everyones family is different, some people have a contentious relationship with their parents and can’t move back with them without making both sides miserable. But if that’s not the case, I suggest trying to get over the American phobia of moving back in for a few months after college. If your mooching off them while sitting on the couch watching TV and flipping burgers to earn a pay-check, that is something to be ashamed of. But I’ve known a lot of people who screwed themselves over because rather then move in with the folks for a while so they can focus on education, applying for jobs, whatever, instead burned all their energy working two crappy go nowhere jobs or ran up a jillion dollars in debt just so they can say they’re not staying in Mom’s basement. YMMV, of course.

6

At the risk of getting flamed by you…

…For most people, the degree you get in college is only marginally related to what you will end up doing.

WHERE you went to school is important. A low GPA will kill you but if it is reasonably good then that is ok. So stop kicking yourself.

Now…graduating in this economy? YES! That is reason to rant and it sucks bigtime. Back in the old days I graduated during a down time…so down most companies stopped even recruiting on campus. That is what sucks.

7

Whoa. I was going to tell you to relax because you’re 23, have a master’s degree, are physically able and willing to work, and have family members who seem willing to help you out.

But then I read the rest of the OP and holy crap…you’re fucked. Sure glad I’m not you.

8

You’ve got a couple of choices at this juncture:

a. Invent a time machine, go back in time, and talk yourself into going to a different school. Or just make a killing in the stock market. I don’t think I’d bother trying to make my past self change any of my decisions if I had invented a time machine, because I don’t think anything I could have done differently would get me as rich or be as cool as what I could do with a time machine.

b. Try to get a job with the degree you’ve got and deal with the loans you’ve got.

I think you should invent a time machine, because if you did you might let me use it (pleeeeeeeease?)

Either way, it’s not really worth beating yourself up over what you should have done, and it’s probably not making you feel better.

Just like you can’t control things that happened in the past, you also can’t control what other people do. Your dad is an adult. If he splits up with your mother, it’s because he chose to do that. You didn’t make him do it.

Before doing this, make sure your email address makes no references to alcohol, parties, drugs, sex, or questionable work habits, and would be a real reach to be read that way by anybody. Get a new gmail (or other free email, but gmail is good) address if needed. Don’t be like a relative of Mr. Neville’s, who does pottery and has pot4fun@somewhere as his email address, and resolutely refuses to see how that might come across to someone who doesn’t know him.

Take down any Facebook, MySpace, blog, or other internet postings having to do with the above-mentioned topics as well, if you can. Bribe your friends into taking down anything they’ve got on you, if you have to. Assume that your potential employers will be Googling you before making a job offer.

Make sure any voice mail or answering machine greetings are either generic or professional-sounding.

9

You’re young, you’re smart, and the people you love love you back. Welcome to Heaven.

10

Sounds like the free ride is about to end.

No, you are not necessarily fucked. At least you didn’t mention any serious health issues. But it sounds as though you are about to learn some uncomfortable economic lessons.

As painful as it might be to set realistic goals and live within your means, to defer addressing your situation will only result in digging a deeper hole.

And the one thing you CAN control is your attitude. You may find family, friends, and strangers a heck of a lot more tolerant - even helpful - towards an individual who seems to be making positive changes in her life with a positive attitude. But if you choose to cop a woe-is-me, it-isn’t-my-fault, or overly cynical attitude, you’ll have a lonely row to hoe.

11

One thing I forgot to mention, and maybe you are already thinking of it. Be prepared to move. In today’s economy, it’s not good enough to just look for jobs in your local city/metropolitan area/state. Be open to what’s out there, regardless of where. Many good jobs nowadays offer reimbursement for moving and if they don’t standardly you might be able to negotiate it.

12

Jobs for reasonably bright and articulate grads are not that hard to come by if you’re willing to move AND WORK OUTSIDE OF YOUR DISCIPLINE.

My sister got a drama degree, and now runs the office of an provincial legislator. Previous experience? Zero. But she had a degree, was presentable, and articulate, and those are more valuable commodities than you’d think.

Your life after graduation is supposed to be hard. What did I have at your age? Fuck all, that’s what. Debt, no money, no assets, and parents who didn’t want to bail me out (and they were right not to do so.) It sucked. My jobs sucked, the pay sucked, my apartment sucked, my cars sucked, and my girlfriends all turned out to be losers, psychos, or else they were cool and so they dumped me. Young life’s about working in a job that just barely keeps you fed, housed, and your student debts paid. Welcome to the real world. The cool part is that if you keep working hard your situation will improve.

Oh, and it’s NOT going to be all right. MAny things will be wrong. Some things will suck. You will have to live with them sucking. That’s life. Eventually, if you’re smart and industrious, fewer things will suck.

13

Way back, when I was in my 20s, and had a degree in English and had failed to get a master’s degree (having had some fun in the process), I worked for about 6 months as an unskilled laborer. Yes, the job market sucks, and you may not have any qualifications directly relevant to the good jobs that are out there, but there are still jobs out there.

14

What everyone’s going to tell you is a variation on:

  1. No, life will not turn into sunshine and roses, it will be hard.

  2. No, you will not end up dying of starvation on the street.

  3. No, you will not end up dying in debtor’s prison or shipped off to the outer-space version of a penal colony.

  4. Yes, it’s scary.

  5. Yes, they’ve been there too. Lots of people have, and have come through it.

Breathe, do something constructive, and go outside and enjoy the lovely day.

15

I won’t tell you not to worry, but I will tell you it’s extremely likely that in 5 or 10 years you will look back and wonder what the hell you were all worried about. Of course, by then you will be worrying about something else.

:wink:

16

I get where you’re coming from in the title of the OP. For starters, let’s all gather 'round and smile warmly (as best we can under the circumstances) at the well-meaning and great advice upthread.

Ok, done?

Ready?

HOLY SHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT!!! (breath) HOLY SHITSHITSHIT (breath)…

OKOKOK… all that advice above is all well and good, all well and rational, but for fucks sake, we’re talking emotions here – plain, unadulterated, help-me-survive-in-the-jungle emotion. HOLYSHITSHITSHITSHIT!!!

You know that everything above is correct, but it sure doesn’t feel that way. Sure there’s a bright side to everything, but sometimes you just want someone to acknowledge and --perhaps more importantly-- *empathize *with you about the giant thunderhead bearing down on you.

Telling you it’s all going to be just fucking ducky kind of pulls the rug out of some very valid, very real emotions and practical concerns. Sometimes, you just want someone to run around in circles with you, screaming at the top of your lungs, and wearing a funny hat.

Tomorrow, tomorrow you can go meet the person who has no shoes, tomorrow you can go see that annoying ragamuffin with a propensity for sunshine, tomorrow you can figure out the least painful way out of this mess…

But for today, do a bit of wallowing, pitch something of a fit, and vent to your heart’s content. Go spend twenty of your few remaining dollars on a cheap feather pillow (or two), and have at it with a pair of scissors. Scream and holler, and some of us will wail along with you – just know that the lack of “don’t worries” and “it’ll be oks” doesn’t mean a lack of support or optimism, just that sometimes you want someone to come along and simply agree with you: sometimes, things do suck.

17

Do you fully understand your loan repayment options? Are you aware of “graduated payment plans” and “extended repayment plans” and “income dependent payment plans”? Owing $40,000 in Federal Student loans is not like owing $40,000 to your credit card.

Do you understand how to favorably consolidate your loans if you have multiple lenders with different interest rates? Do you have any realistic idea what your monthly payment would be anyway under standard repayment?

You need to get off the panic train. Letting your mind spin and spin with fear and dread is a bad bad bad mental place to be, and only you have the power to stop that line of thinking. Focus on what you CAN do, right now, to better your situation.You can speak with the Federal Student Aid Information Center at: 1-800-433-3243

18

I’d say welcome to the real world, but at least you have people able to help keep you from becoming homeless. Get the fuck over it. Know why people my age say people your age have no clue? This is why.

But seriously, good luck to you. We’re all in a shitty, sinking liferaft right now.

19

Go ahead and worry, but don’t get so worked up that you can’t think things through. Lots of people have been, or are in, the same position as you and many of them don’t have the youth, degree, or family on speaking terms.

Consolidate your student loans. Now. Shop around until you find a company that will give you extra rate reductions for direct withdrawal and for making the first 24-36 payments on time. Choose the longest payoff period they offer, as long as it has the same rate as the shorter periods. Eventually, you will be on better footing and will be able to pay it off early with no penalty if you want. 4 years ago I had over $60K in student loans after consolidation, my interest rate is 1.125% with a monthly payment of $160.

Next order of business is to make food and rent money. Get in your car, or on the bus, or pick up the phone and start looking for a retail/restaurant job. Unless you live somewhere really depressed, there are businesses hiring. For example, here (OKC) WalMart is paying new-hire highschoolers $9/hr. You might not get the wages or as many hours as you want, but it’s a start. You can always work 2 jobs to get enough hours. If you are worried that they won’t hire you because you are overqualified, don’t be, there is no reason to tell them you are looking elsewhere or that you have a degree. You just looking for a job, don’t offer your life story. You can make extra money doing standardized test grading on an as-needed basis. Also, if you have a reliable car and find the right area, pizza delivery can be the best job on earth.

With basic necessities covered, decide how important financial security (having enought money to pay your bills and save for te future) is to you. From the tone of your OP, it seems like it is your overriding concern. If it is, then be prepared to move to get into a step-up-from-customer-service job. Not everywhere, nor every sector, is in recession, and some places are vastly more affordable than others. There are thousands of people with my employer who have ‘useless’ degrees (literature, psych, history, etc.) who work as admins, techs, and IT people. These are unexciting white collar office jobs, but they pay way more than enough to support life. The only requirements are a brain and the ability to use a computer. If you can stand being outside all day, look into field tech positions. Check out industrial companies, hospitals, law offices, banks, utilities, consulting firms, and the corporate offices of pretty much any ‘household name’ company. If you see ads for, say, engineers at Megacorp XYZ, it’s a good bet they are also hiring support staff, even if they don’t say it. Aim for a good balance of pay, benefits, and cost of living. Since you aren’t planning to make a career out of this job and most of these positions are essentially identical, a cheaper, boring city is probably a better move than an exciting, expensive one, because you won’t live there forever.

Polish the resume and send it with a cover letter directly to the HR department of any and every company you can, regardless of whether they claim they are hiring at this time. If they have an email address for resumes, so much the better. If not, just send it to the main HR address, they may delete it, but they may keep it.

Do not move anywhere until you have a job there, especially if some recruiter promises that could get you hired, but only after you move. It’s better to be broke somewhere you know than in a strange place that does not have as may jobs as you though it did.

Most importantly, don’t stop looking for the kind of job you really want. The only thing you owe your current employer (once you find one) is honest work today. When you find something better, take it, whether it’s an extra dollar an hour or the dream job in whatever you got a degree in. Now, get up and kill! Figuratively speaking, of course.

20

Nope, things won’t magically work out. It’s on you. The people who love you are trying to tell you that they think you are a capable adult who can solve problems like the one at hand.

If you put forth your best effort and things don’t turn out as planned, well, you can’t really blame yourself for that. Good luck.