Okay, so this thread was a bit of a false start, but now the Beast’s "50 Most Loathsome Americans, 2009," is actually out! Plenty of rich, Beastly goodness! Posting this in the Pit because, well, the whole list is one long Pitting, isn’t it? But, if I myself have to Pit something to satisfy the Junior PitMods, here’s a few specific items I heartily endorse:
35. Teabaggers America’s dumbest and most racist citizens finally found a cause they could all get behind that isn’t pro wrestling or NASCAR. The Lolcats of protest sign grammar, they think scare quotes actually make things scary (e.g. “Obama is a ‘communist’ “). They don’t understand that they’re duped showpieces for billionaires who threaten their freedom and prosperity far more than their beloved nemesis, Big Gubmint. And their instant escalation from complacent couch potatoes to rhetorical revolutionaries just happened to coincide with the election of a black Democrat with the middle name Hussein. What are the chances?Exhibit A: They called it Teabagging first.Sentence: To star in an extremely patriotic, live ammunition reenactment the Battle of Bunker hill.
Too lenient. Floor open for nominations as to alternative punishments. Let’s get creative!
33. Orly Taitz The mother of all birthers, this OC-based dentist, lawyer, uber-Zionist and all around lunatic spent ‘09 spreading crazy like the flu, and making the legal profession look even more unseemly than usual. She sought to stay an Army doctor’s deployment to Iraq on the grounds that Obama’s presidency is illegal, and when the judge refused to hear the case, she accused him of treason repeatedly, although her client took pains to disavow her as her lawyer in a letter Taitz deemed a forgery. Taitz would know, as submitting badly forged foreign birth certificates as evidence is a favorite practice. In addition to her fevered, baseless agitations against Obama, she runs the gamut of paranoia typical to medication-deprived schizos: FEMA camps, Hugo Chavez-controlled U.S. voting software, and killer bird flu vaccines. Even O’Reilly thinks she’s a “nut,” but as Taitz knows, Fox is partially owned by Saudi Arabia. The only hope left for Taitz’s reputation is that she may actually be Sasha Baron Cohen working on his next film.Exhibit A: “What is the real intention of this Kenyan, Indonesian communist usurper? …it might be time to start rallies and protests using our second amendment right to bare arms [sic] and organise in militias.”Sentence: Hot tub sex with Lyndon LaRouche.
:eek: Does poor old amusing Lyndon deserve such cruelty?!
Meh. Too easy.
27. Barack Obama At the end of his first year as president, Obama’s major accomplishment is still having been elected in the first place. Since then, it’s all been Reaganesque speechifying, Clintonesque triangulation, and Bushian spin. His cabinet is packed with the deregulation-mad bankers who created our recession and then “fixed” it by heaving palettes of cash at their former employers. His penchant for bipartisanship, once a quaint campaign pretense, has become an agenda-hobbling obsession. He buzzed still-edgy New Yorkers with a few airplanes to snap a $300,000 promo pic any kid could’ve photoshopped in five minutes. Obama campaigned for a “robust public option” and importing cheaper drugs, closing Gitmo, ending no-bid contracts and backroom deals with corporate lobbyists—and he was going to do it on CSPAN. But he’s done none of those things, and his policies on extraordinary rendition, illegal wiretapping and state secrets are pure Bush. Socialist? We should be so lucky.Exhibit A: “The reforms we seek would bring greater competition, choice, savings and inefficiencies to our health care system.”Sentence: A second term of crazed right-wing abuse.
Why bother?
10. Doug Coe As sinister “godfather” of the disturbing C Street Family, a self-described “Christian Mafia,” Coe’s forty-year role in American politics has been largely shrouded in Prayer Breakfast bacon. Although he’s not an ordained minister, his organization (aka The Fellowship) enjoys tax-free status as religious advisor, unethical enabler and frat house tool shed for America’s power elite on both sides of the aisle. Coe espouses a perverted brand of Christianity, stressing the power of covenants and the moral exceptionalism of the powerful. To Doug and his Fellowship, Hitler, Mao and bin Laden are to be admired for the power they wielded and the loyalty they demanded. Not satisfied to have contributed to a doubling of AIDS in Uganda by having Family members in congress shift millions in aid from sex education to abstinence-only programs, Family members in the Ugandan legislature have proposed a bill that make homosexuality punishable by death. Killing gays? Maybe Coe’s right; Jesus and Hitler are similar that way.Exhibit A: “A covenant is… powerful. Can you think of anyone who made a covenant with his friends? … Yes, Hitler made a covenant. The Mafia makes a covenant. It is such a very powerful thing.”Sentence: Uganda butt-sex.
Now, this one needs a lot more attention than it has got, considering the number of very powerful people who allegedly have been somehow involved in “The Family.” Therefore I propose a punishment that involves publication of all membership-related records of any kind since the organization’s founding. All persons named therein to be deemed guilty until proved innocent. Membership punishable by forfeiture of all assets and exile to Somalia. (Too much food in Uganda, and wait 'til you try that Somalian butt-sex . . .)
Vince from Shamwow’s sentence: “Coke stash raided nightly by the shouting ghost of Billy Mays.”
I enjoyed that.
Charges: As the Sybil of cable punditry and graduate of the prestigious University of I Don’t Remember, Beck’s bipolar professor routine is hands down the funniest thing on TV. When he gets out the chalkboard and starts drawing trees and playing misspelled word association games with a comically grave demeanor, Beck makes Stephen Colbert look like a piker.
Real life, again and again, raises the bar for satire. Some 40 years ago teachers saw that what I wrote was obvious satire. Today?
Okay, it was both obvious and labored, much as today. I try not to dwell on it when my contemporaries were both funny and pertinent, but to grab onto the last thread of their coattails…
As for my wife, she kept running into, “You’re funny! Have you met,” and the name of one of the Belushi brothers, since they came from around here. “He just left, but you MUST meet him!”
She never bothered to play on any of her Show Biz connections. Multiple times I have said, “No, I’m just the conduit, and you have to call XXX-XXX-XXXX.” She was doing Roseann’s schtick, including particular bits, before Roseann was.
Remark from the bathroom when the TV was on too loud: “Hey, that’s MY bit!” Or it would be, with the proper paperwork.
It’s about fucking time someone criticized the conservatives!
dropzone:
Real life, again and again, raises the bar for satire. Some 40 years ago teachers saw that what I wrote was obvious satire. Today?
Okay, it was both obvious and labored, much as today. I try not to dwell on it when my contemporaries were both funny and pertinent, but to grab onto the last thread of their coattails…
As for my wife, she kept running into, “You’re funny! Have you met,” and the name of one of the Belushi brothers, since they came from around here. “He just left, but you MUST meet him!”
She never bothered to play on any of her Show Biz connections. Multiple times I have said, “No, I’m just the conduit, and you have to call XXX-XXX-XXXX.” She was doing Roseann’s schtick, including particular bits, before Roseann was.
Remark from the bathroom when the TV was on too loud: “Hey, that’s MY bit!” Or it would be, with the proper paperwork.
What he said. No wait. Whaaaaaaaa . . . ?
dz , did you hide your meds from yourself during a blackout again?
Man do I enjoy people who hate everyone. Hooray!
dropzone:
Real life, again and again, raises the bar for satire. Some 40 years ago teachers saw that what I wrote was obvious satire. Today?
Okay, it was both obvious and labored, much as today. I try not to dwell on it when my contemporaries were both funny and pertinent, but to grab onto the last thread of their coattails…
As for my wife, she kept running into, “You’re funny! Have you met,” and the name of one of the Belushi brothers, since they came from around here. “He just left, but you MUST meet him!”
She never bothered to play on any of her Show Biz connections. Multiple times I have said, “No, I’m just the conduit, and you have to call XXX-XXX-XXXX.” She was doing Roseann’s schtick, including particular bits, before Roseann was.
Remark from the bathroom when the TV was on too loud: “Hey, that’s MY bit!” Or it would be, with the proper paperwork.
I can’t see what you did there.
Ah, The Beast. I miss being able to pick up a copy on my way out of the school library.
Mayhap this belike ye better:
17. Bill Maher As dumb as the creationists and 9/11 truthers he mocks, but not nearly as funny, Maher’s an embarrassment to atheists everywhere, even Christopher Hitchens. The most audience-abusive MC since Jim Jones, Maher routinely belittles his uneasy crowd for not laughing at the stale mediocrities he calls jokes. His discussion panels typically follow an excruciating pattern: relatively smart person tries to talk down to some cringingly naive celebrity like Cindy McCain or Mos Def, only to get steamrolled by some visibly drunk old comic Bill used to do blow with backstage at the Improv. The dumber the guest, the more they dominate the panel—until Maher steers the discussion, yet again, to his pet topics, like how much better everything would be if we all shopped at Whole Foods, stopped taking medicine and legalized weed, dude. But the worst of it, especially for someone who makes it so clear he thinks he’s the smartest person in the world, is that Maher is just not very well informed. You have a TV show about politics, Bill. Try reading the paper once in a while.Exhibit A: “A flu shot is the worst thing you can do.”Sentence: Swine flu.
Here’s a couple more choice ones:
18. Don Blankenship As CEO of serial polluting coal giant Massey Energy, Blankenship’s reputation for climate change denial is as well-deserved as his company’s staggering EPA fines. In ‘07, a West Virginia Circuit Court fined Massey $50 million, but it wasn’t a problem for Blankenship, because he’d already restaffed the WV State Supreme Court with his own man—spending $3 million in accusations that the incumbent justice was soft on pedos. Shortly after the Supreme Court reversed the lower court’s ruling, he was busted partying in Monte Carlo with three whores, one of them being a WV Supreme Court Justice. Last summer, Don held a ghoulish pro-coal rally on a leveled mountaintop with fellow retards Sean Hannity and Ted “Suck my machine gun, Obama” Nugent.Exhibit A: “If CO2 emissions are going to kill the polar bears, it’s going to happen.”Sentence: Used to fertilize a rooftop garden.
That, or thrown live to starving polar bears.
11. Erik Prince The future king of the Holy American Empire, Prince “views himself as a Christian crusader tasked with eliminating Muslims and the Islamic faith from the globe,” according to the testimony of a former Blackwater employee. His sole response to Blackwater’s cold blooded murder of 17 Iraqis was to rebrand the firm Xe in an attempt to skirt bad press as easily as they have skirted the law. A self-proclaimed CIA asset with a private army, a hard-on for Christian dominionism and a slew of no-bid contracts, Prince may be the most dangerous threat to American freedom in the world today. Remember when we had our own soldiers?Exhibit A: “It appears that Mr. Prince and his employees murdered, or had murdered, one or more persons who have provided information, or who were planning to provide information, to the federal authorities about the ongoing criminal conduct.” – John Doe #2 , a former Blackwater manager.Sentence: Active duty—and Army pay.
In the Somalian Army, please.
Erik Prince being “the most dangerous threat to American freedom in the world today?” Oh please. The official military of any major country, including America, has a far worse record than Blackwater does.
We still have our own soldiers. A hell of a lot more of them than Blackwater does. But, hey, military - if you want to keep your experienced combat grunts from going over to Blackwater instead of continuing to serve the US government, you could, maybe, like, pay them better? Almost everyone in Blackwater is former Army or Marines. It’s not like they’re a bunch of faceless, cloned goons wearing ski masks from a Metal Gear Solid game.
As long as you’re here, why not look at some of the words in the thread?
I’m here. I’m looking at some of the words in the thread, obviously, or I wouldn’t have written my previous post. I don’t have an axe to grind against the Buffalo Beast, but rather, the fact that The Pit is now completely a “bash conservatives” forum. Not that I give a fuck about conservatives or any other political figures - I don’t. It’s just tiresome to see thread after thread about Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin and conservative X and conservative Y - totally dominating the forum. There should just be one big catch-all thread called “Fuck the Right” (and there can be one called “Fuck the Left,” too, if conservatives want to throw down.) Or maybe there should be a separate forum for politics, like many others have suggested.
It’s just, these people are such easy targets, that it’s become trite to pit them. It’s like pitting racism or pitting earthquakes.
Yeah, it’s gotten so tiresome bashing conservatives like Obama…
Cheap shot: you mean conservatives are as bad as racism and earthquakes?
Ok, I’m done.
Argent_Towers:
I’m here. I’m looking at some of the words in the thread, obviously, or I wouldn’t have written my previous post. I don’t have an axe to grind against the Buffalo Beast, but rather, the fact that The Pit is now completely a “bash conservatives” forum. Not that I give a fuck about conservatives or any other political figures - I don’t. It’s just tiresome to see thread after thread about Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin and conservative X and conservative Y - totally dominating the forum. There should just be one big catch-all thread called “Fuck the Right” (and there can be one called “Fuck the Left,” too, if conservatives want to throw down.) Or maybe there should be a separate forum for politics, like many others have suggested.
It’s just, these people are such easy targets, that it’s become trite to pit them. It’s like pitting racism or pitting earthquakes.
Note:
You are a liar. Based on your posting history, you are conservative yourself and care a great deal about conservatism. No one who does not meet that description bashes liberalism the way you do. And, no, I do not even believe you are like Stone and Parker of South Park, who, by their own testimony, “hate conservatives, but really, really hate liberals.”
XT
February 2, 2010, 12:43am
18
Am I a liar too, BG? After all, I don’t like liberals very much. Or conservatives either, for that matter.
(OTOH, to paraphrase, I like my friends…)
-XT
Charges: The mother of all birthers, this OC-based dentist, lawyer, uber-Zionist and all around lunatic <snip>
Please leave the Zionists out of this. We don’t want her, okay? I’m pretty sure she actually comes from Kenya, anyway.
I’m sure dentists, lawyers, and lunatics would like to wash their hands of her, too.
Sad but true . . .
