Buffy, I love you. You’re my baby, you’re sweet, you’re affectionate and you’re friendly. You make me laugh, and you’re very beautiful-you look like a little red fox.
And yes, I love to hear you purr, you have a very pretty fur, my darling.
But…if you’re going to sit on my lap, would you kindly take your claws out of Mommy’s neck? It hurts her, and your claws are still tiny, so they’re sharp and they hurt.
Insert “pussy” joke here.
As I sit here and read this, my new kitten Aramis is digging his claws into my shoulder.
Preach it, sister.
Wimpy, please remember that when you jump across the room to get on my shoulders, your claws hurt me. I don’t think scratches are beautiful. So when I tell you to get off, it means get off, and not get back on again. I have to get dressed sometime.
Just for the record, Guinastasia: You’re not talking about the Sarah Michelle Gellar character, are you?
Since this appears to be the thread for cat complaints:
Higgins, you have enriched my life in numerous ways since we got you last year, and I love you greatly.
But this is my chair. Mine. I need to sit in it when I use the computer. There is not room for both of us. That would still be true even if we both didn’t need to shed some pounds. I don’t like when you jump into it as soon as I get up to go get a journal article, and I don’t like it when you decide to sit in my lap when I’m in it. There must be at least a dozen other chairs in this house, nearly all of them unoccupied. USE ONE OF THOSE.
Also, I don’t like you sitting on my chest when I’m trying to read in bed. That is what pushing you away a dozen times in a row means. That is also why I create the pillow barrier after the thirteenth failed attempt to get you to back off. It is not a kitty obstacle course for your amusement. It is a big KEEP OFF sign.
Mac, my alarm clock works extremely well (despite what I’ve told my boss). I do not need to be woken up at the first sign of sunlight by a wet, cold, nose and a lick to my face. I appreciate the help, but let the alarm handle it.
Also, when I pet you, it is not an invitation for you to stick your ass in my face. While I understand that kitties relate to each other by sniffing each others asses, we humans do not partake in this past-time. Thank evolution for small favors.
That said, great move with the Bra, and way to pick out the cutest girl in the room for affection whenever I have a party.
Um, no, just for the record.
Feather, you are the sweetest, best behaved kitty in the world, but let’s face it, you drool, and you can’t lie anywhere on me where there isn’t blanket to catch the drops. And that thing you do where you get a bunch of drool drops around your mouth, and you have a big shakefest to fling them off, why don’t you try licking them up instead? Please?
You HAVE to elaborate on this.
One night, while my roommate was getting frisky with a lady-friend, Mac snuck into the room, took the girls bra from off the floor into his mouth, ran out and up 2 flights of stairs to my room and dropped it on my pillow next to me while I was reading. Good boy.
If your cat has kittens, I want one.
i hate cats.
my wife has to have one around at all times. she names them after famous people. right now, we have Meow-chesko, Andy Worhole cat and “the mean orange kitty”. the cats always do real well till they figure they can go outside the fence line into coyote territory, then its curtins for kitty!
amoung the luminaries lost:
Meow Tse Tounge
Alphonso (this was actually a pretty cool cat)
Marklar (avoided the coyotes, met his demise in the dryer vent)
and a host of others who have vanished into obscurity…
(we rescued these poor critter from certain death, so i don’t wanna hear about it! they had it damn good on the ranch on THIER side of the fence!)
oh! i forgot the worst one!
my wife LOVED sammy-cat. it was this beautiful long haired thing. anyway, it liked to hide in the engine bay of her pickup truck, and one day, she had to drive to the store and well, i guess you see where this is going so…
pretty sure the same thing happened to these 2 kittens that “disappeared” one day. they liked to sleep in the spare tire under the ford pickup bed. either that or a hawk got em’ but that is pretty unlikely, as they both vanished the same day.
i hate cats.
I think I said something about this before, but Dmitry, I love you, buddy, and while you make me laugh when you circle me in the mornings while I pick a suit and stuff, I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t hop on my back when I bend down to fetch a pair of shoes or socks. Further, if you are going to hop on my back, would you please not dig you claws in before jumping off? Thanks.
Julia, you are my cat, but lately you are psychotic. You are evil, even when i am trying to pay attention to you alone. Your tanrums when i acknowledge the other pets are getting on my last nerve. I can accept a bad attitude, but this is way beyond attitude. You are so angry at me, and i cannot coomunicate with you.
Littlebastard, you are the stupidest cat i have ever met. Why do you insist on going outside in the cold, and the rain? what is so great about the trees in the back yard?
I worry about you, because you are so thin when you come back in, but still you sneak out. One of these days, you will not return, and I will not even have the closure of knowing that I was with you at the end, and buried in the backyard that you love.
Lil Spike Kitty, I know you are still a baby and I find most of your kitten ways amusing except…
When Mommy is sleeping, I know you like to curl up next to me but can you please stop trying to bury your head between my breasts? If you want to hear my heartbeat, you can hear it without drooling in my cleavage.
Also, Mommy’s nose does not lactate. Never has, never will, but especially not at 3:00 am when you decide to try it out.
Straighten up or you’ll be sleeping on the chair.
I have a “Buffy” too, but she’s ah, well, actually, she’s a RAT! She’s very pretty, though, being kind of a gold colour, and she just had FOURTEEN babies!