Buffy vs. Anita Blake

Who would win?
Let’s look at allies:

Richard vs. Oz.
Both werewolves. Both nice guys. Both lost their girls for someone who wasn’t a nice guy. (Hee hee). Most likely they’d go off to brood together.

Jean-Claude vs. Angel+Spike
JC would come up with an elaborate, complex plan. Angel would work to counter it, and Spike would just napalm the lord of the sodding nancy-boys.

Also, remember that Anita’s first and foremost weapon is her guns. Also remember what happens when you actually manage to use a gun effectively in the Buffyverse.

Another core issue is that while both women have an inherently masochistic nature, Buffy deals with it by hurting people, while Anita deals by having sex.

The real question is, if such a crossover occurred, would the slash overpower reality as we know it?

I only read one Anita Blake book, though I agree about your assessment of the vampires.
The whole time I was reading Guilty Pleasures, I was thinking “Holy fuck, I’ve read fanfiction that’s better written than this.”
I was less then impressed. Do the books get better?

Depends, did you like the action? If so, yeah, it escalates - arguably getting better - for a few books, though the relationship stuff just kept getting progressively…worse, culminating in the POS that was Narcissus in Chains.

As for the OP, and the Buffy/Blake matchup (all the others were spot on, IMHO), I think it depends on the conversation. If they run into each other and a fight breaks out, the winner is Buffy, hands down. If it’s a more strategic kind of thing, I’d imagine Anita would arrange a confrontation where she could mow Buffy down with her, heh, SMG (sub machine gun).

Of course her ashes would never be found, but that’s besides the point.

Or, on the “it depends who’s writing it” side of things, Blake may very well discover another new power perfectly suited to the situation… :rolleyes:

I think the her whole writing style turned me off. It just seemed very…simplistic.
Plus, I am used to Buffy, who, let’s face it, whines a lot less than Anita does.

I hate to do this, but cite? Who the heck is Anita Blake?

Both Angel and Jean-Claude would be useless as allies, for they would go off into a quiet corner together to discuss hair-gels.


God no.

The Anita Blake series is written by Laurell K. Hamilton. She presents an alternate reality where supernatural beings like werewolves and vampires are part of everyday life, most of them just trying to fit in and get along.

The original Anita Blake novels were pretty good, Anita raised the dead for her day job and solved mysteries in her spare time. She was pretty no-nonsense and had a lot of morals.

The most recent books are thinly veiled SM/BD reads with every male in her universe (all HOT HOT HOT with long, flowing hair) wanting to have sex with Anita who has lost all of her earlier morals.

I was particularly irked to discover that LKH’s description of Anita was a pretty accurate rendition of herself.

And if you don’t find Laurell Hamilton derivative enough, you can try Charlaine Harris.

Glory nailed it.
The worst is when you read Narcissus in Chains before you realize that the storyline is a (web published) textbook case of self-insertion.
Are there any more books of hers coming out?

I hope not.

I started reading the series because I think it reads like a parody of vampire/mystery novels, and is funny in the same way that badly-written romance novels are. By Obsidian Butterfly, they were stupid wish-fulfilment porn. Narcissus is an excuse for bad, dumb sex scenes. It’s pretty boring.

Does anyone else wonder why Anita (or the author) never seems to give justification for every available man in the vicinity wanting Anita? I keep expecting the author to put in some kind of explanation, like, “Of course, I exhale sex pheremones, and I hand out $1000 bills, so of course men are interested in me. I’m also blasted gorgeous”.

I started reading the series 'cause I found a webpage about it while searching for Buffy stuff. I found the first perhaps six books to be entertaining enough. Then the sex started. And didn’t stop.

All I have to say about that is that LKH has strange taste in men. I mean, the long hair, feminine, small, sex-toy thing? Not really my cup of tea. And that’s ALL her characters are, with the exception of Jean-Claude and Richard, who are tall.

Anita has also gained way too much power. I liked it better when she only had minimal powers–it made having her solve mysteries that much better. And, dammit, I miss Edward (I heard Obsidian Butterfly features him rather prominently, but I really don’t want to read any more badly-plotted smut).

Incidentally, I’ve also read the Merry Gentry series, which I like somewhat better–but there’s still too much sex, dangit! I mean, I like my BDSM smut as much as the next screwed-up chickie, but her plots show so much promise that its a pity she wastes them on such tripe.

…as to who would win…Buffy. Hands down. Anita might be bad and have lots of guns, but Buffy is still a heroine–and she hasn’t slept with half the population of town (I mean, really…non-magic induced, she’s only slept with four guys, and she’s 21/22. Two of them, she only slept with once. Two of those were long-term, comitted relationships). Plus, she has Willow and Xander and Spike and Angel and Giles and even Dawn willing to kick ass on her behalf. Plus, she has a friggin rocket launcher. She wins.

Yeah, yeah, the triumverate is getting old and Anita has completed her morph into becoming “one of them.” Too bad because Anita was such an interesting character when she was conflicted. Buffy at least has the grace to feel bad about having s&m sex with a vampire.

In a fight, I’d put my money on Anita. She’s got no conscience anymore, combined with the rats, the fire power, the werewolves, the leopards, the vamps (including a Master Vamp), and Edward the Assassin. It wouldn’t even be close to being a fair match against the Scoobes.

Hah. Exempting the allies, Buffy would wax Anita like a vintage car in an 80’s movie. The allies are only a point in revenge. Ze problem is that once Anita dies, so do Richard and JC. So, the leopards, vamps, and werewolves have no leaders. Scratch them.
The rats aren’t idiots. They’d notice what happened to three major powers in town and skedaddle like fuffy things escaping a sinking thing.
That leaves Edward, the man with the guns. Versus Xander, the man with the rocket launcher. Ahem.
Even assuming that the Anitaverse manages to assert dominance over the Buffyverse and let Anita use her guns, this would just result in Willow paying a visit in the (ahem) dead of night.
Of course, what would really happen is after the requisite Anita-draws-a-gun-and-gets-beaten-on-till-she-drops-it, she would realize that all the phallic weaponry and sweaty men were just her subconscious trying to keep her from realizing that she was A) a lesbian, and b), a bottom. In the BSDM sense. Once she came to terms with this, she would shack up with Willow.

Everyone imagine Willow in a domimatrix outfit.

So, you haven’t read a Kiss of Shadows yet then? :wink:


There’s really not that much smut in Obsidian Butterfly … but run far, far away from Narcisuss in Chains. ::Shudder::

I don’t know enough about Buffy to make a call on who would win.

Obsidian has like no sex in it. There is some undertones and such but there is no actual sex taking place.

I agree Narcissus was just over the top. It was like one huge orgy throughout.

And there is another one coming out. Cerulean Sins slated for April I think (was February but pushed it back), Hopefully it will be better but I’m not holding my hopes out.

And for me it’s a toss up as to who would be better.

Cripes, I read the thread title, and got Anita Blake mixed up with Anita Bryant. I don’t know much about Ms. Blake, but I’d love to see Buffy mop the floor with Anita Bryant.

MHO: The series was much more entertaining when Anita was flirting with the dark side. She was giving the dark side the cold shoulder in the early series, flirting in the middle, and commiting public indecency with it in NiC. I really hope that the godawful I-must-have-sex-or-I-die uberlust dies in Cerulean. With any luck, Anita will have a massive backlash/guilt trip, and respond to it better than Buffy did. (I.E., enter an abusive relationship, with her as the abuser.)

Ok, I’m a dummy (you can tell, because I still like Anita) but what’s the deal with guns in the buffyverse?

didn’t Wesley use some guns (although to no effect whatsoever) on the last Angel before going into reruns?