My husband barbecued hamburgers last night. We consumed them loaded with cheese, tomato and onion on onion rolls. (I think the rolls were the mistake.) In the middle of the night, my husband exclaimed, “JEEZ! Patch!”
I let him blame it on the dog.
I hope everything works out in the end.
I wonder if Jane Austen, Elizabeth Barret Browning, Christina Rossetti or the Brontë sisters ever ate onion rings.
Ohlorda’mighty.
I started laughing so hard at this thread, I ended up “fluffing” (no “lint”, thankgod). The cat was snoozing under the chair and was unpeturbed by the noise, but a moment later, hauled ass into the bedroom.
In all honest truth, if I could get away from myself right now, I would. Wendy’s chili is now going on the “no effing way” list of foods.
Have you tried just going poop? I’ve found that just taking a little time in the bathroom to, as was so eloquently described in another thread, “release the Chocolate hostage” helps clear out the worst of it…holding it in doesn’t help. Good luck. My ex was one of those methane-producers…everything he ate caused it, and he had no manners about releasing toxic fumes…not even a “sorry”. And he wonders why I don’t miss him.
I feel your pain Cranky, I really do. I’m lactose intolerant, and am not fit company for man nor beast all too frequently.
I’d start a support group but it occurs to me that he meetings would be pure Hell.
I would, however, second kittenblue’s suggestion, get a good book and retire to the throne room if at all possible.
Take as long as you need.
That’s all right.
We’ll wait.
Cranky, that had to be the funniest thread that I’ve read in the past few days! It just reminded me so much of life with my family… we talk about farting all the time! (TMI, maybe… but we do)
You want a band name?
BK Cranky and the Rootin’ Tootin’s.
The only thing I can think of at the moment is a quote from The Breakfast Club (Judd Nelson to Molly Ringwald):
“My image of you is totally blown.”
Ya know I loves ya, Cranky.
Easy for YOU to say since noxious fumes don’t travel through modems.
I was taking a heavy-duty antibiotic recently (Cipro). Apparently one of the unlisted side-effects is copius amounts of incredibly rank gas. No matter what I ate, within an hour the ol’ jet propulsion unit was spouting eye-watering sulfurous poots–and I mean they made my own eyes water!
But not water as badly as Mrs. Stof’s in the dutch oven
I call shotgun!
Cranky, how do you feel about Wendy’s or McDonalds? Both places make better fries than BK ever did, perhaps with less toxicity as well?
Who knew that even the second time you “cut” an onion, it will still make your eyes water.
See, I think I’d be slightly more understanding.
Feel free to eat whatever the hell you want. But if you’re gonna sink up most of the house, don’t expect me to want to stay too close to the stink generator (AKA I’ll be down stairs playing video games until you’re done making nasty smells).
In the interests of science and out of respect for all things Cranky, this thread aroused my curiosity and convinced me to stop at the Burger King I’ve ignorantly passed twice daily for several years now on my way home last night. I’m not going to call that move a mistake but it did make for an unusual disorder.
The rings are tasy, no doubt. And yep, five hours later the fumes were utterly atrocious. My ceiling fan actually quit working but hopefully that was just a coincidence.
What surprised me was the “nuggetous” nature of the durf they produced. I ate nine rings yesterday. I took a Shoemaker-Levy 9 crap today. When I got through it looked like I’d been leaning over the commode when the string on my MilkDud necklace had broken. Quaint little orbs of ex onion ring that had just been on a terrible journey. Most were dang near perfectly round, although some had telltale rifle marks.
Wierd huh? When your colon gets in cahoots with BK, they can come up with some truly bizarre crap.
I’m glad I"m not the only one. I’ve been forbidden. FORBIDDEN! To eat black bean soup from TGIF, which I absolutely adore. The last time I had it, we almost got divorced, and I actually grossed myself out pretty good. The other day Allan was having a frightfully good time farting in the car and locking the windows so I couldn’t breathe until I uttered 3 words to him. Black. bean. soup.
He immediately unrolled the windows and I claimed victory. Just the threat is enough now.
Cranky, lets get together for black bean soup and onion rings. I promise I’ll still love you in the morning!
Zette
“it looked like I’d been leaning over the commode when the string on my MilkDud necklace had broken”
–I have no words. My eyes are watering I’m trying so hard to hold in my laughter!!!
This just confirms my faith in humanity.
I love you all. Each and every one of you that contributes to a poop/fart thread. I weep with joy.
I am ROFLMAO!
Wow, Cranky, what a great thread! I hope you got things settled between your gas and your hubby, hon.
I don’t eat BK anything, but your situation puts me in mind of the time I had some Grape Nuts for breakfast and then went over later that day to watch a movie with a friend. My friend informed me after the film that my SBDs were so rank that she was seriously asking me to leave her house. :eek: We’re still friends, btw, but I just have to remember not to eat any gas-inducing foods if I know I’m going to be around her.
I’m glad my coworker stepped out for a couple minutes right before I read lieu’s contribution, or I would have had a hard time explaining the hysterical laughter. Bravo!
Ohmigod, you people are fucking hilarious! Absolutely hilarious - I laughed so hard I cried (& almost couldn’t breathe)! My mother actually came down from my parents’ bedroom to ask what the hell’s so funny
Oh man…I think I’ve recovered.