Self deprecating humor. When other people do it, it’s cringe inducingly not funny and awkward, leaving me feel anywhere on a scale from vaguely nervous to horribly embarrassed for having heard it and awkwardly wondering if I’m supposed to agree or disagree or call them a shrink or what.
When I do it, it’s high-larious.
>I< may look like a cyclops, but EYE implies one.
I talk on my cell phone while driving, but I see red when other people do it. But my conversations are important, dammit!
Come to think of it, just the other week, I was driving slowly because I was on the phone, and some asshole passed me ON the off-ramp and almost smeared both of us against the guardrail. 
This is cute when anybody does it.
Ha! I once had a boy who I was out on (I guess what you’d call) a date with ask me, earnestly, why I was so down on myself? Then he proceeded with a list of compliments, as though he were cheering me up. So yeah, that obviously didn’t go anywhere.
How about Ï? It’s an I with two eyes, see. Well, I guess that makes three I’s, really. It’s a bit like that rasta thing, I and I and…uh, other I. Or the id, the ego and the super-ego, if you’re into psychology. I guess either works.
Baby talk. If anyone, anyone uses the word “Sowwy”, especially when immediately proceeded by the word “I” (not "I’m), I immediately lose all respect for them as a human being.
I, on the other hand, often refer to “sammiches”, say “thank you” as “tank oo!” and “You’re welcome” as “You wel-welp!”. Because when I do it, it’s FUNNY.
People who use excessive, obscure and/or redundant punctuation should be put to death; or at least rendered commatose. I, on the other hand, am forced to break up my sentences (despite my instinctive inclination to the contrary) so that the simple-minded morons - by whom I’m surrounded - can comprehend whatever the hell is the point I’m trying to make.
I suppose that sometimes, on occasion, when I speak my hands move. I don’t speak with my hands, but sometimes out of frustration they do move when I’m trying to convey something which is powerful to me.
That said, I Hate the stylized pitch-me-an-idea form of Jazz-Hands. If Og had wanted you to have useless upper arms, wildly flapping lower ones and great big teeth with lunch stuck between them,
S/He’d have made you a T-Rex and the world would be well rid of you by now.
YMMV, but I’d like to get at least 35 mpg per Jazz-Hander.
Oh, yeah, me too!
I think my worst one is interrupting. You better not interrupt me, you rude-ass bastard! I have important things to tell you!
Excellent! I think my official way to emphasize “I” will be to bold and underline. Italicized makes it look too much like a slash.
I love jazz hands! Please don’t hurt me. In my defense, I usually use jazz hands for emphasis when I’m mocking something. But at times, yes, I do just use them to indicate exuberance.
But when I interrupt people, it’s because I have something hilarious to say, that everyone needs to hear right now!
Oh, dear. The Other Shoe and I have had the “interruption” argument, wherein one party interrupts the other in order to voice a complaint about being interrupted. It’s … probably actually kind of funny to anyone listening in. 
I was studying in the library and was getting very annoyed at the girl at the next desk over, who had a couple of friends come over and say hi and talk about exams for a minute or two before going on their way. I kept thinking how rude it was, since everyone else was trying to study! When I left to go eat, I saw a friend at one of the desks…and promptly stopped to say hi and talk about exams for a minute or two before going on my way.
Then again (as a justification for my actions!), the same annoying girl was also eating a muffin and making rather disgusting smacking noises as she chewed, so I was already irritated at her!
Hell, I’m just waiting for you to finish talking so I can bestow my pearls of wisdom on you anyway. Might as well get it over with and STFU.
So true. Well, except that I hardly ever bike, but still, …
If the idiot is going to keep on talking and never gives me a chance to say something, of course I’m going to interrupt the monologue. Beside, my interrupting you is a compliment, because it means I’m actually (well, probably) listening to you rather than thinking about lunch. So STFU and listen to me.
Talking while in the bathroom.
I really, really don’t want anyone to talk to me while I’m meditating on the throne, either at home or in the multi-stall bathrooms at work. However, I chat with Mr. Horseshoe through the closed door all the time while he’s sitting in there.
Anyone who doesn’t end a sentence with a period in online communication is a Neanderthal worthy of contempt.
When I don’t end a sentence with a period, I choose to do it in order to convey a subtle nuance distinct and unattainable with the heavy hand of punctuation.
I’ve gotten a lot better about this over the years, but when I was young, and I wanted to introduce someone to my music, I expected them to sit down, shut up, and listen. And be completely enthralled by the awesomeness of what they were hearing. If someone wanted me to hear their music? Yeah, right. Get outta here with that crap. I have better things to do.
This actually made me laugh
I’m cheap; couldn’t resist.
Software programming - that bug you just introduced into the build? That is due to the fact that you are an unprofessional DOOFUS. I don’t care how sure you are that the change you made would not break anything else. You MUST test it before checking in your code. Don’t they teach you this shit in school?
When I do it? Well if GEORGE had alerted me to the fact that he was going to make his module change before I made mine, all this never would have happened!!