But it's Cute When I Do It: The Official Hypocrisy Thread

In My Humble Opinion
1

Maybe I should wait until Monday, when people around, but considering half of Minnesota looks like this, I’ll be goddamned if I leave my apartment before the weekend is over. I’m here, feel like posting now, and I hope others are too.

So let’s talk things that you loathe when other people do, but you’ve decided are okay when you do them. Please note that all replies stating, or suggesting, that you commit no acts of hypocrisy will be summarily deleted. … What? … I don’t have the authority to do that? … Fine. I’ll just dismissively regard them as stupid.

I’ll start. I hate when people interchange homophones, or similarly-sounding words, in some attempt (I guess?) to be cute. I knew a guy who would refer to cute girls as “cooties.” Oh, right, because it’s like cuties but cooties. Oh man, that’s hilarious! God, that annoyed me to near-death.

That said, I frequently end written communications “Peas.” Oh hoh, very clever. It’s like “Peace” but different, because it references a popular food item, peas, but sounds enough like “peace” that you understand the intent. I know, I know. I just do it, okay? Also, there is no way to emphasize the word “I” in writing that pleases me. I hate the way it looks bolded, italicized, or underlined, and you can’t emphasize it by capitalizing, so I usually type “EYE.” How stupid is that on a scale of 1-10? Probably about a 10, but it’s totally cool when I do it.

I thought about this because there’s a girl at the bar who usually wears glasses, and when I spotted her without them, I was tempted to ask why she’d forgone them. Then I thought of how irritated I am when people ask what happened to mine, as if their world will stop turning until they know why I’m not wearing my frames. I thought for a second, “It’ll be cool when I ask, because I also wear glasses and am charming.” No, it’s not, and I’m not. So while I passed on the hypocrisy that time, I don’t always. There are things I hate that other people do, then do anyway because… well, because.

You?

2

Break out into song and dance.

When others do it’s flippin’ annoying. But when I do it’s cute and charming right?

3

One of my coworkers has an office that’s oriented just right so when I pass by I always cast and enormously cheesy grin in his direction and it will be in his line of sight.

But if someone comes into my office and does some sort of pantomime in order to get my attention, I want to KILL THEM DEAD WITH MY BARE HANDS THAT WILL RIP THEM TO PIECES DIE DIE DIE.

Ahem. Because when I do it, it’s funny. When they do it, they are stupid motherfuckers.

4

A lighthearted rip at the right time really makes the moment when I do it. Beyond annoying when someone else does it. Ditto for the “pull my finger” joke.

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Mmm. I’d be three miles beyond hypocritical if I were to say, in light of starting this thread, that this is never okay, and not somehow funny when you do it, but… well, I"m not sure how to finish this sentence.

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I get mad at people who are stubborn, but I’m quite stubborn myself. For example, I get mad at Dio a lot, but that’s because I fear I could just as easily make the same types of posts if I’m not careful.

I also tend to think it okay for me to express my anger at people, but assume the intent is to insult when other people do it.

And, yes, I’m trying to fix those two things.

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This is how ->I<- do it.

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I do it this way.

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Lowercase-L do it like this.

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All right. When I’m driving in my car, all of the bicyclists and most of the pedestrians are idiots, who by their actions really deserve to die.

When I’m bicycling, all the car drivers and most of the pedestrians are idiots, the drivers are trying to kill me and the pedestrians will die of their own stupidity and cluelessness.

When I’m walking, most of the drivers and some of the bicyclist are idiots who are about to kill me.

Every once in a tiny white while, I myself do something idiotic as a driver/bicyclist (but never as a pedestrian. really), but really it doesn’t put much of anyone at risk, especially me.

11

She probably wouldn’t recognize you, so you’re safe.

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Also, ridiculously typo-laden OPs are cute when >I< write them. No, I don’t like that either. It looks like a cyclops cat or something.

But of course!

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When other people snore, it’s annoying and sounds stupid. But my snoring is cute and endearing. “Awwww!!” That’s what you would say if you heard my snoring.

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This is me, except I never ride a bike. But as a driver and pedestrian, definitely.

I hate it when people pass me on the right and cut other people off. Then a couple of weeks ago I used the breakdown lane to pass some pokey idiot on a cell phone, then zoomed back over and cut in front of him in the exit ramp just before the shoulder would have ended and sent both of us into the guardrail. After I did it, I thought, “That was incredibly stupid, aggressive, and dangerous, and if it had caused an accident, which it almost did, it would have been 100% my fault.” But he was GOING TOO SLOW DAMMIT!!!11!1!

Edit: I just realized that the description of that maneuver makes it sound really horrible and assholish. And you know what? It was all of those things. I’m a passive person outside a vehicle, but put me behind the wheel and I turn into a huge jerk.

15

My near-constant belching and farting probably isn’t anywhere near as cute as I think it is. :frowning:

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Well, I do this. Or I can do this.

17

Home brew is like farting. Your own is fine but everyone elses stinks.

18

Whatever. I do this all the time at red lights. I turn into the right turn lane, then dash in front of the annoying, slow driver to my left when the light turns green. Come on, grandma, I have places to go! This all saves me, what, 35 seconds off my total drive time? If I’m lucky, but I slowly go insane driving by someone poking around on their cell phone, or hugging the steering closely as if that makes anybody safer. Other people who pass from the right this way are jerks, though, including you. :wink:

19

I expect everyone else to respond to my requests instantly, hop to it! I hate when other people expect me to drop everything to respond to them. Poor planning on their part does not make it a crisis for me! My own request was clearly urgent though. Yeah. Sigh.

20

It really annoys the fuck out of me when other people get blind drunk and pass out naked on the floor in the middle of a spreading pool of piss and vomit. When* I* do it…