What would be a better birthday gift for him: A roll of duct tape, or a ball gag?
C.) A beautiful card.
Now I’ve got a mental image involving Donald Trump and the phrase “Hello, sailor!” :eek:
Wouldn’t Crazy Glue be more apropos?
You mean besides cry themselves to sleep every time their client flaps his gums or his thumbs?
If I had the antacid and booze concessions for his legal team, I could retire.
I’m guessing it’s a reference to the Sailor who went to jail for taking classified photos of a submarine. It’s a story I heard regularly whenever people (correctly) pointed out that people don’t go to jail for mishandling email communications, as Hillary Clinton did. The anti-Clinton crowd would regularly point to this guy as somebody who did go to jail for improper actions regarding classified information; in his case, he had photos of the command console of a nuclear sub (a highly classified area) on his phone, with no plausible reason why.
In Trump’s feeble mind, this is a reference to “mishandle classified material = go to jail.” Like a third rate dictator, he’s trying to threaten the former head of the FBI with imprisonment.
D) Handcuffs and an orange (quite coincidental) jumpsuit.
I think it says something when FIFA questions your ethics.
Never mind. That was probably an unwise response to the question to throw out in public.
Subtly restrained applause. Well done - without ketchup. 
Yes, what exactly was this beautiful card, and the trite sentiment expressed within? How did he get it? We know there’s no way he nipped down to the nearest Hallmark shop and picked one out, so who really selected it? Did that someone just get an assortment and let Trump pick one out? Is this going to inevitably end up as a bit on Stephen Colbert’s show?
Enquiring (and clearly underoccupied) minds want to know.
That would have required that he wanted to send the very best. And we all know what he means by “the very best”.
He had Cohen prepare a miniature of their prenup.
That’s nothing; he has France and Germany teaming up against him.
Already did. Colbert held up a Christmas card with “Christmas” crossed out and replaced with “Birthday”, and a GameStop gift card inside.
Hey, Donald, maybe you should see if he left any butthurt-numbing pills in the medicine cabinet:
Is is safe to assume that he actually DID get a staffer to buy her a card?
My money would be on "he just came up with the idea of ‘I got her a card’ while talking." I would bet that at the moment he said it, there was no card.
Nobody knew birthdays could be so complicated
Of course there was no card. Geez.
And here’s the thing: revealing this was not a gaffe by Trump. He revealed he’d gotten nothing for his wife quite deliberately.
Because he knew it would be greeted with delight by his base.
face it - the only card he has time to deal with is his golf card - and even that is filled out in advance.