Like lots of people around here (not here here, that would be all the people that live near me I’d be talking about, but the Boards, where people live hither and yon, but sometimes there’s coincidence) it’s been amazingly cold lately. I haven’t had to muddle through the coldest of the cold, but dang it, it’s cold enough. You’d think I’d get a break since I fixed the Sun and all, but noooo!
Since it’s been so cold lately, we haven’t been gallivanting around all that much. Actually the term “holed up” would apply. It’s freaking cold out there, I’d just as soon stay in here, thanks. On the downside, that means the kids are stuck in the house too. I think they’ve had about enough of the whole staying in thing (like the rest of us). All weekend they’ve been running around like crazy people. Like they’re kids or something. Well, they WERE running around like crazy people. Then I thought up a new game.
The new game is called “Kidnapped By Terrorists” and it’s loads of fun for the entire family. All it takes is a roll of duct tape and a bandana per kid. A large water pipe in the basement is also a plus. You sneak up on the kid while they’re napping (you have a good four minutes) and blindfold them and duct tape them to the pipe. Every day when the paper comes, you take a Polaroid picture of them with the front page. It’s a hoot!
Ha ha! I kid. I’m a kidder. We don’t really play “Kidnapped By Terrorists”. It’s too cold in the basement. Really I just take 'em down with my trusty Jim Fowler Tranquilizer Dart Gun™. That keeps 'em quiet. (Ha ha! I kid again.)(As far as you know.)
Luckily for us, before the Large Weather descended upon us I was able to gather up supplies. I made it to the grocery and stocked our larder. (That’s just fanciful language, we don’t really have a larder. We have a partially hydrogenated soybean oil-er. We’re quite modern.) We have enough Spam, Oreos and Hurricane mix to last us weeks if need be. Weeks! (As long as the Oreos hold out that is. If they run out, it could get bleak.)
What’s Hurricane mix? Here in FL, when a hurricane is expected, one dashes to the store for milk, bread and toilet paper - is that what you mean? Oh, and batteries.
As for the young 'uns, try a game of “Statues” or “Who can be quietest the longest” or “Staring” - I know my four sibs and I were spellbound by such diversions when we were kids. No, really - we’d spend hours in quiet contemplation, allowing Mom the freedom to do her household chores in her crisply starched apron and perfectly matched pearls. It’s true! I’ll even give you her phone number so you can call her and ask!
Isn’t Groundhog Day next week? Spring can’t be far behind. Hang in there, Rue - April’s coming!!
Hee hee. I used to make my sister play “whoever talks first loses”. It was when we shared a bedroom, and she used to drive me nuts talking to me until the wee hours of the morning. (Ironically, the wee hours occurred when she decided she was too scared to walk to the bathroom alone, and I wouldn’t walk with her, so she peed on my bed.)
“Kidnapped by terrorists”, Rue? You know, when you’ve become so comfortable that you can play games like this, then the terrorists have already won.
A “hurricane” is a drink popular with tourists in New Orleans. I don’t know what’s in it, as I don’t live there. I finally tried one on my fifth trip to the Crescent City. It was rather sweet-tasting. I’d rather have a beer.
Oh- something else I meant to say, but then I felt rushed because SOME people get all antsy if the Monday Morning Post isn’t RIGHT on time and forgot to add it in. It would have made the OP longer, maybe needlessly so, so maybe it’s best I put this down here. I don’t know, it’s all a judgement thing. Anyway…
Since it’s so cold and I haven’t been getting out as much, I find I’ve been watching more TV. Maybe too much. Again, it’s hard to say, it’s a judgement call. But flipping through the channels I hit on a news special. It was pretty scary.
Giant rubbery monsters crawled out of the Ohio River. It had to be the Ohio River since that’s the largest body of water around here. But from the angle they were shooting, it looked like giant monsters crawling out of the ocean. That would just be ridiculous since there’s no ocean around here. Unless it wasn’t local news. Then it could have been the ocean and I was safe anyway. But I’m pretty sure it was local news and the giant monsters came out of the Ohio River.
Then they started smashing up the city. Two giant monsters were smashing up Cincinnati (note spelling). I should have been more upset, but if there’s a city that’s just begging to be smashed up a little, it would be Cincinnati. Then the giant turtle looking monster knocked a building into the giant squid looking monster and that made him (I guess it was a boy squid monster) really mad and they started to fight. (This is one of the big reasons I think they were both boys. They crawl out of the river that looked remarkably like an ocean and immediately started to smash things. That’s boy behavior that is. Then one little thing goes wrong (in this case it was a building falling on them, but they’re giant monsters so it wouldn’t be that big a deal) and they fight.)
While they fight even more buildings get smashed. Too bad they didn’t show up a couple of weeks ago, they could have smashed down the old stadium and we could have saved all that dynamite. But there was a lot of fighting and a lot of smashing.
Then these two tiny women flew in on the back of a giant moth. They started singing and the monsters stopped fighting. The two tiny women sang some more and the giant rubbery monsters crawled back into the Ohio River that looked remarkably ocean-like and swam away.
I can’t blame them (the rubbery monsters), they (the tiny women) were singing the theme song from Moonlighting. It was unsettling even for me and I was just watching the news on TV.
Hurricane mix is a mix so you can add rum and drink Hurricanes like you’re in New Orleans, Snickers.
-Rue.
mmmmmm - I’ve had those kinds of Hurricanes - yummy! Tell ya what, Rue, you get out the rum and I’ll bring over a bucket of chicken or a pizza or whatever. Just doing my part to help you in your time of need. No bother at all. My pleasure. Anything to keep those rubbery things out of your ocean/river/retaining pond.
Ya know Rue, your description of river monsters, smashing buildings and tiny women flying around, sounds just like most episodes of “The Powerpuff Girls” [sup]TM[/sup]. Course with a couple of them hurricanes in ya, it coulda been the local news. Has Cincinnati changed its name to Townsville perchance?
BTW, the basement bears would prefer you not tie up the younguns in the basement anymore. Seems the younguns have been pilfering the winter stockpile of cookies. I know it’s winter and they (the bears) are supposed to be hibernating, but they occasionally wake up and have to go pee and like to grab a cookie or two before going back to bed.
It has come to our attention (the Campaign for Realisation of the Awful Nature of Kidnapping) that you have recently been denigrating the crime of Kidnapping. It has been noticed that you have referred, on multiple occasions, to kidding about kidnapping.
Kidnapping is a serious crime, and should never be kidded about. It takes a lot of skill to perform a successful kidnapping and your comments only serve to ridicule, and mock the hundreds of professional kidnappers out there (most of them active CRANK members).
I am writing to you in order to ask you to cease and desist in such writings before I am forced to take stronger measures than the use of tautologies.
Yours, but not in that sense,
PT.
Flounder member of CRANK.
PS I know that, technically I am not writing, but I am not going to go into that discussion again.
PPS I believe that you may be hearing from the Social Movement Against Rubber Monster Slander.
Rue- have you tried the Fabulous Changing Color Game? Bundle up the young’uns and send them outside. When their lips turn blue, bring them in to thaw, but only for a few minutes. Repeat as neccessary.
