Cajun Man? Fart sensitivity?

You closed this thread.


Well, there’s mundane and pointless, and then there’s pointless farting around.

I think if you’d led off with a funny fart story and asked for more, you might have had a viable thread. But then, what do I know? I’m just an old fart.

Oops, my bad, I see you weren’t the one who started the thread. Apply my comments to Jennshark.

No, I didn’t start it.
But I was really looking forward to fart stories. Sometimes, they’re just like… oh, I dunno – a breath of fresh air.

[Fart in the Matrix] Smell good, don’t they? [/Fart in the Matrix]

Since the other thread was closed, I’m telling a fart story in here…

Ok, this story is about a fart that did not emanate from my body, but it’s worth telling…

I know am accountant and tax law expert who’s a former co-worker and long time friend to my father. He somewhat frequently testifies as an expert witness in court cases involving tax stuff. Also, he is a man of very splendid girth; one who could create one hell of a tear-ass fart. Anyway, for this one case, he left the capital city to testify in a courtroom in the county seat of a rural county. The court is about 100 years old and the witness stand is a wide seat made of oak.

During the middle of testimony, he felt the urge to expel gas. After some consideration, he decided he would attempt to squeak out a silent one. Instead, a noisy BRAAAAT erupted against the oak seat. At this point, the judge sorta sneers and adjourns the court for a short recess due to the disruption and laughter.

And the expert witness was getting calls from lawyers all over the state for the next couple weeks just ask if the story was true.


Some things are too lame, even for MPSIMS. This was one of them.

Really funny if he had just been asked

“And what is your area of expertise?”

BRAAATTTTT!!! :smiley:

Lawyer: “Could you give the court your impression of the defendant?”

Expert Witness (Psychiatrist): “I’m sorry, I don’t do impressions.”

Which reminds me of a true Q&A exchange (fartless, alas), whose Q I’m paraphrasing but whose A is verbatim:

The case: Trial of a man accused of child molestation. Witness: A psychologist called by the defense.

Prosecutor: But, Doctor, doesn’t common sense tell you that a child wouldn’t make up something like that?

Witness: I’m not here to use common sense, I’m here as an an expert.

Over Macho Grande?

I don’t think I’ll ever get over Macho Grande.

FYI to the mod/fora members: I started the original thread in MPSIMS with the intention of posting a story to share but then experienced a power loss for ten hours b/c someone mowed down a transformer station. I haven’t yet figured out how to get my computer to run off of candles and flashlights :smiley:

I still don’t understand why it was shut down, but I guess that will remain a mystery for the ages.

Then don’t read or contribute to it!

Although not encouraged, fart threads are not against the rules.

I closed your thread because I read your OP as an invitation to start a “most embarrassing/incredible fart thread.” You asked if anyone wanted to start. Your only reply suggested that you start, being that it was your thread.

After three and a half hours of no replies (not even from you), I considered the thread nonviable, and closed it.

Cajun Man
for the SDMB

Thank you for the explanation.

So do threads now have a response time limit before they are locked? I remember back in the old days they just fell off the page.

Bull. If it’s non-viable it falls off the front page never to be seen again. Closing it was just pointless.

Another fart story. Not my gas, but I was there for it.

Several years ago, I was dating a girl named Rebecca. One day, we went shopping, and I came home with a kitten.

A few weeks later, Rebecca was staying over at my apartment one night, and we were laying in bed, watching TV. Beru (the cat) was curled up on my chest, sleeping.

Rebecca wanted to lay her head on my chest, so she gently grabbed the back end of Beru to move her a little.

Next thing I know, Rebecca jumps up and runs to the bathroom, throwing up. Beru jumps down, and crawls under the bed.

I’m laying there, thinking, “What the fuck just happened?”

Rebecca comes back a second later, and explains that, right at the moment that she grabbed Beru, Beru farted. Right into her face.

Rebecca’s face was so close to Beru’s rear end at that exact second that she actually what she called “fart moisture” on her face from the ordeal.

When I heard, I laughed out loud.

We didn’t date too much longer.

I’ll bet there’s a setting in VBulletin that would automatically keep track of how long it’s been since the last reply and then close the thread automatically.

Then, instead of just making shit up as you go along, there can be a little consistency.