Uh yeah. My name’s Frank and I’m a long-time listener – mega dittos to what you said just now about the gays. I heard you say that and maybe thought -
[woman’s voice from the background, unintelligible] what -
WHAT, honey? (sigh) My wife wants me to tell you she’s her kids’ mom.
Well, what I was gonna say is that we got us a real problem here in Colorado now that Ben Campbell stepped down. Them liberals in Denver are trying to give away God’s one gift to Man, and they’re messing with what it means to be a famly. Scripture says one man and one woman. End of story.
Today’s sermon was chock full of what those faggots are trying to do, but instead of bringing up how they are against the Bible, pastor said some real interesting stuff about our founding fathers. You know Thomas Jefferson owned slaves? That’s right, but there he was before the Revolution saying “God gave us life and liberty at the same time.” So those American Patriots wrote the Declaration knowing they were leaving out black people. Back then it was the blacks. Now the gays are getting their turn. It’s the American way.
God Bless America and God Bless Truth in Broadcasting. You keep on fighting for what’s right, you hear?
See, folks, this is the kind of American… we just don’t have many of these Americans left now because the liberals — who are so consumed with hate and bigotry that, and listen here, friends, here’s something I bet you didn’t know. Liberals are bigots.
[…slurping sound and loud swallow…]
That’s right, friends. They are bigots. They’re racists, but the thing is that they know it isn’t cool to be racist against say, brown people or purple people. So what they do, in order to assuage… that’s your word for the day, friends, look it up if you don’t know it… in order to assuage their anguish over being unable to express their bigotry, they have selected ordinary, straight, white American males to be the objects of their bigotry.
Now if you think about it, it’s a pretty ingenious plan. You want to let go and slam a darkie — I’m just thinking like a liberal here, folks — you want to slam someone but you know you can’t, so what do you do? I’ll tell you what you do, you slam someone whom it is acceptable to slam. Liberals don’t hate white people, I mean, my God, they are white people. And if they’re not, they want to be. I mean look at Ted Kennedy. White, right? Streisand, white. What’s that other actor, the liberal who went over to Iraq before the war to praise Saddam and kiss his butt…
[…producer’s voice…]
…yeah, Penn, that’s right. Sean Penn. You got it. White. And black liberals all want to be white. That congress woman from California, what’s her name? Nevermind, it doesn’t matter. All these black liberals who talk like they’re white and act like they’re white.
What a lot of people don’t know is that most blacks are conservative. That’s right, folks. Contrary to what the liberal media has told you, most African-Americans who are also black are also conservative. Now, I differentiate because the term “African-American” could apply to a white guy from South Africa, but I digress. If you don’t believe me that most blacks are conservative, look at the polls on gay marriage. Almost all of 'em, something like 90 percent of them, oppose gay marriage. They’re conservative church-going people who had no part in causing all this mess we have today. They would have been content with their own water fountains and their own toilets, but they had to suffer because of the actions of a few trouble-makers who were recruited by, you guessed it, white liberals.
Now, I’ve lost my train of thought, and I can’t really remember what the caller said, but what matters is that he was expressing his opinion. That’s why we call this “Truth in Broadcasting”. Do you think CNN, the Communist News Network, would air this man’s opinion? NO! Because he’s white. He’s not liberal. And he’s married. To a woman!. Why, if we were to let it get out that people like this existed, God only knows what could happen.
[…moment of dead air…]
Oh. Okay, gotta go to commercial, friends. Unlike the liberal press, we aren’t subsidized by the government, so we have to pay for our air time the old fashioned way. I want you to stay with us and listen to what our sponsor has to say. Buy whatever he’s selling because he’s the reason we’re here, folks. The conservative way is the way of capitalism. We don’t call it Truth in Broadcasting for nothing. Every word you hear on this station is truth.
Hi. I’m Sargent Dale Drummond of the third regiment, B battalion, stationed in 'Nam, where I served under John Kerry. I’ve never known a more courageous man. A more principled man. Or a man more capable of leading our nation. John is ready to step in as the Commander in Chief of our armed forces. I’m here with a dozen of his brothers in arms, and every one of us owes our life to this man. […hoo-yah!..] When the enemy attacks, John Kerry won’t sit still staring off into space, wondering what to do. He’ll step up and take the burdens of this country onto his shoulders and pursue our enemies until he finds them and brings them to justice. I ask you to vote for John Kerry in November. For the good of America. […new voice…] I’m John Kerry, and I approve this message because it means that hope is on the way.
Oh, for cryin’ out loud! Let me explain, friends. The liberal government requires us to run these stupid ads for liberal cry-babies. Just so you know, we didn’t make a dime off that ad, so don’t buy anything that guy said. I want you to remember that John Kerry was a Vietnam war protestor who sympathized with the draft dodgers and threw his medals away. I want you to remember that he got a purple hurt for what amounted to a paper cut. And I want you to remember that he shot a young boy in the back from the safety of an armed ship.