Calling Rue DeDay (or SURPRISE! It's Rue's Monday Morning Post!)

It just doesn’t seem like a Monday Morning without something witty and incoherent to read from Rue. I have my coffee at the ready, but just somehow feel unfulfilled. I know, let’s give Rue a call and see what happens…

[answering machine]
Hi! I’m not at home right now, so I sent this to ShibbOleth so he could post it for me. He’s a Pal of the First Order. Thanks. Bye.
[/answering machine]

Movin’ Right Along, Footloose and Fancy Free…

I hava an idea. Actually it’s based on something Shibb said…

That was spun off of something Ellen (The Brown Eyed Girl) said…

Which was in a thread
started by Shibb. But the thread was about me (no, no humility here, thanks) so I’m taking credit.

Dope to Your Door
or more accurately (and slightly less offensively)
Dopers to Your Door
or possibly Shibb and Rue On the Road
or even Two Guys Come Visit You For a Coupla Hours.

It’s the first ever Serial Dopefest! Here’s how I see it:
If you are within (about) an hour (maybe two) from Cincinnati, and you want Shibb and me to come to your door, let him know. We’ll hop in the car Saturday December 8th* and come see you. If you are more than an hour away, go to a Doper’s house who is within the limit and wait for us. It’ll be a Serial Dopefest.

If you want to see us, but don’t want us in your own home, you can meet us at a mall or something. You’ll have to buy us pie that way, but them’s the breaks. And Shibb wants to do some shopping.

The first stop will be The Brown Eyed Girl’s house (shhhhh… don’t say anything, she doesn’t know yet). Heck, we’ll even stop and take you with us if you’re on the way. We might even take you home, we’ll have to check the itinerary.

Picture it: Shibb and me tooling around the country in the ShibbMobile, his Fozzie to my Kermit. Fozzie drove right? I’m making him drive (shhhh… don’t say anything, he doesn’t know yet). If Kermit drove, then I’m Fozzie. Either way, Loads O’ Fun! There might even be gifts for our gracious hosts. (Possibly the Flan of Peace, a traditional gift going way back, I’m sure.)

If this really takes off (lots of places to go, lots of people to see), we might even stay the night at a lucky Doper’s house! If that Doper is you, we’ll even make breakfast. (I do a mean French Toast.Ý)
We’ll bring our own jammies and pillows of course.

So whaddaya say, Tri-State Dopers? (Ohio, Indiana and Kentucky to avoid confusion.) Ya want we should come see you? Just let Shibb knowý.

I’m really hoping this goes over better than the Underpants Exchange.

-Rue. (who’s just full of ideas)

*Date may change, I don’t know.

ÝBreakfast is contingent on you having all the necessary ingredients and cooking stuff.

ýIf Shibb takes a powder, I might just come myself. You’ve been warned.

If you want to steal this idea and do it in your own neck of the woods, knock yourself out. There’s not even a licensing fee.

weep

I want to meet Rue and Shibb. Will you send me a postcard? A pretty one?

Well, I’min! To make things easier, and assuming he’s game, I’ll throw Superdude in a car and we’ll roll on down to Lex from Lou and meet up with Ellen (maybe I’ll bring something for Claire, Buzz Lightyear-ish.)

Gee, this sounds like a great idea…travelling less than 300 miles to visit Dopers. Who woulda thunk it?

I wanna meet Rue and Shibb too!! In fact, Rue is about 3 hours from me at this very moment. Did he suggest we meet halfway? Did he invite himself to dinner? Did he consider that he can see his ol’ family any time but this might be his closest approach to me?!?!?

Hmmm, I don’t have any relatives anywhere near Cincinnati… hubby has some in Indy, but he hasn’t been there since his grandmother’s funeral… I wanna play! It’s not fair!! I gotta know what Shibb looks like!! I’m Rue’s first Special Friend!! He told me so!!
[sub]poop[/sub]

Alas, I live too far away. Dammitdammitdammit.

[sub]sigh

Crap, I’m out of the radius as well.

Can I get a signed postcard from the trip though?

Hell’s bells! I’m too far away and the Custom Cruiser got rear-ended this morning on the way to work and I have a headache and I’m procrastinating and I don’t want to go all the way to Ohio and I really really don’t feel like a road trip right now and I don’t want to go anywhere. . .

But I really want to meet this Rue guy, and I have some vacation time I gotta use or lose. Just how far is Lexington, KY anyway? And I could meet Ellen too? And Shibb? (I’m assuming the sireens turned him back into a guy). Hmmm. . .gotta think about this.
[sub]And anyway, it’s not like I’m driving to Reno for pie, so what’s the harm?[/sub]

They’re coming … they’re coming … and they’re after ME. [Mr. Bill]Ohh nooooooooooooooooooooo!![/Mr. Bill]

Me: “You know when you told me if I got mixed up with people from the Internet, I’d end up getting stalked?”
Husband: “Yeah.”
Me: “You know the pain it causes me to say this, don’t you?”
Him: “Yeah. So say it.”
Me: “You were right.”

:eek:

Proverb: Be careful what you ask for, you might get it!
[sub]I will attempt to “channel” Rue later today. I still have to get the robes, candles and book of incantations.[/sub]

Robes, candles, and book of incantations? Wouldn’t it be easier to call him?

I’m still jealous. I need to finagle a business trip up your way… There’s a lot of aerospace industry in Cincinnati, right??

  1. Yes, but where’s the fun in that?

  2. Aerospace. GE Aircraft engines is between my work and my home, so yes there is some. Perhaps we can work something out.

Hell, I might have to fly back up there just to meet Rue. It is awful temptin’. I know where you’re coming from FairyChatMom.

GE - how could I forget?!? I toured that plant - about 3 years ago… I drooled for hours… Unfortunately, I’m not in the engines group… rats :frowning:

*Scene: the room is eerily quiet, with just a few soft stains of some unidentifiable music in the background. Dark velvet is draped along the walls. A simple chair, carved from dark wood and upholstered in crushed velvet sits behind a table which is covered with light cloth which hangs to the floor. A low set of shelves along one wall house several jars, vials and bottles full of various objects necessary in the black arts. A thick, leather bound book lies covered in dust atop a stand near the other wall. Torchlight flickers from the sconces. A candelabra supplements the torches at the table. The light flickers off the surface of a small crystal orb which is the other object on the table. As one’s eyes focus against the inadequate lighting a raven is visible in the background on a perch, but with no cage.

Suddenly a gong sounds thrice in the distance. Now the vaguely familiar music grows louder. The rustling of robes can be heard along with soft footfalls along the wooden flooring.

Through a break in the velvet strides ShibbOleth, dressed in flowing robes that look mysterious yet cheap in the same instance. The viewer is apprehensive that perhaps the clothes were bought in a hurry, and at a deep discount, as if someone had struck a fast bargain with a funeral home or a vaudeville act. He wears a conical hat covered with cabalistic symbols and it is at this moment that the music comes into sharp focus: it is the theme from The Sorcerer’s Apprentice by Paul Dukas.

A hush falls over the lucky few in attendance as they wait expectantly for something to happen. It is just then that ShibbOleth catches his foot in the hem of his robes, falling flat on his face. Several Aces and the Queen of hearts spill from one sleeve. Marbles can be heard scattering across the floor. The raven caws noisily and flies away as a rabbit scampers back through curtains, where it is briefly but noisily ill.*

:: ShibbOleth climbs to his feet as he attempts to right the hat with strange runes upon his tight shorn head ::

Welcome, welcome! We’ve been expecting you. As you know Rue DeDay is not with us in this place. We have gathered together to try and get some word from the Master while he is away in a Fantastic Place, perhaps the Happiest Place on Earth[sup]TM[/sup], or at least a close runner-up.

I have studied lo’ these many hours through the Master’s books, and believe it may be possible to use the spirits to communicate with him.

::ShibbOleth seats himself at the chair behind the table. A dove escapes from the other sleeve. ::

Brothers and sisters, I ask that any who doubts this power leave this place now lest your negative energy drive the spirits away!

:: They wait for the commotion to die down. ShibbOleth waves his arm to beckon the remaining faithful closer. Luckily he is able to grab the crystal before it crashes to the floor, and the flames on his robe are extinguished after a few moments of frantic beating and screaming…::

Now is the moment for which you have awaited! Our moment of truth!!

:: without further annoying dramatic buildup ShibbOleth waves his hands mystically in the air and as his eyes roll back up into his head he begins this mysterious incanation ::

Baa Ram Rue!! Baaa Ram Rue!! To the Boards and Dope be true!!! Baa Ram Rue!!

:: His head slumps soggily back on his shoulders, like so much overcooked pasta… perhaps the stain has been too much?? ::

  • The small crowd murmurs something undeterminable, but the gist seems to be about getting one’s money back *

:: Suddenly first one, then the other of ShibbOleth’s arms rises up, revealing not enough exercise or sunlight and a very inexpensive men’s watch. Next his head raises up, and his eyes roll back into his head. In the distance the sound of thunder or cheap tin being ineffectively rattled can be heard::

  • From the crowd a faint gasp can be heard *

:: Now ShibbOleth speaks, not in the voice which he used earlier to address the crowd, but in a golden voice, a voice which mothers will remember to their children. One is reminded of Gary Owen. ::

Snickers? Puddin’? Is that you? Sophie? Thinksnow? Auntie Em? Medea’s Child?
Zappo? Why have you brought me back? I have followed the light… and I was almost to the front of the line!! Sheesh, can’t a fella take a little vacation around here without getting interrupted by some sort of voodoo? Well, as long as we’re all here anyway…

Don’t cry, Puddin’. I waved when you flew over. And maybe we can come across the pond for the next one of these. Heck, as long as Shibb is in a trance let me see if I can get his credit card numbers…

Snickers, maybe we can find some excuse for your hubby to visit his Grandpa in Indy. We’ll always have Versailles! [sub]hehe, sly little Indiana geographical reference[/sub]

Sophie, we might have some sort of special initiation for you into my Special Friends if you can find your way up from Tennessee. Not that you’d need to take your clothes off or anything, we could work around that.

Ellen (The Brown Eyed Girl), don’t worry, we’re husband-safe and non-toxic. Plus Shibb hardly ever sheds anymore, not since we had him fixed.

Zappo: South Central Pennsylvannia is pretty far from Lexington, but maybe you can use the AA highway. It’s really not just for Anonymous Alcoholics anymore. Your secrets safe with us. Just kidding, it means Asheville to Alexandria. But don’t skip a meeting on our account. Unless you want to, it’s up to you.

Medea’s kid, we’ll find a nice one and kiss it just for you. A postcard that is. What did you think I meant? Okay, maybe I meant that, but it’ll just be our little secret, okay?

Now where are my other pals, friends and special friends? I don’t see Astro, Scout, T’Other or Icey out there? And there’s certainly some others missing. Well, it’s time for me to jump back in queue, and let Shibb have his body back. It’s kind of cramped in there for two.

Oh, and thinksnow, don’t think I did notice you back out there scopin’ all the ladies! For you I have a most important message: Don’t forget to…

::Just then ShibbOleth slumps to the table. This time the crystal ball does roll to the floor and splits with a loud crack, one half wobbling off to the left while the other half wobbles increasingly fast in an inward circle. Smoke slowly fills the room as the candelabra, which was knocked to the floor slowly lights the velvet drapes. A voice can be heard faintly in the distance, above some organ music::

…Please depost $3.25 for the next three minutes…

$3.25??

Well, I’ve got $.73 in my pocket - anyone else got some change??

I’ve only got thirteen cents right now.

So, is Columbus within the radius of the ShiDay loop?

::Zappo parts the curtain (hey, I had a sofa covered in this stuff in my law school apartment!) and walks in. He’s wearing safety goggles and carrying a sledgehammer over his shoulder. A small pink piggy bank is tucked under his arm.::

Sophie, FairyChatMom, stand back and put these goggles on. It’s all fun and games till somebody loses an eye, y’know.

::lays Hamton on the floor, spits on palms, and picks up sledge, swinging a mighty blow. . .::

CRASH!

OK, lessee. . .here’s two Susie B.'s, five nickels, a dime, and four pennies. That ought to do it.

Whatddya mean, “no pennies?”

All right. Ladies, keep yer pennies. Here’s an extra fifteen cents.

(sound of coins clinking into slot)

O Oracle, what sayeth thee now?
Zap!
(That’s not what ShibbOleth said, that’s just my name).

:: ShibbOleth sits up and shakes his head ::

Somethings wrong! When the connection dropped we didn’t get a clean break… I can still feel Rue in my skull…

:: suddenly ShibbOleth whacks himself across the forehead with his right arm ::

RueOleth’s voice: hehehe

Shibbo DeDay’s voice: Youch!! Stop that, Rue!

:: Swats at himself with his left arm ::

Shibbo DeDay: Nyak nyak nyak!!

RueOleth’s voice: Now you stop it, ShibbOleth!

:: the few remaining visitors begin to make excuses and leave ::

RueOleth: Wait! We can behave for a moment! I just wanted to make sure that I could control my half. [sub]This is kind of fun. -snicker- [/sub] But I need to get back to my sibs in Orlando soon. Does anybody have a question about A Moveable Fest?

Yeah, I do.

We paid $3.25 for this?

::Starts poking Shibb’s tummy in hopes of finding the coin return slot::

Zap!

So, how’s this thing coming? Just checking, seeing if Shibb’s on the ball, and all.

You leave town for a week and you’re way out of the loop.
-Rue. (who like Mac the Knife, is back in town)