Hairy palms are one of the signs of being a werewolf, you know. The implications are obvious: masturbation causes werewolves.
This finally explains all the random violence you see on the news. It’s all those blind werewolves.
Full-time masturbator for 22 years now and I still have perfect vision.
Full-time?:dubious: Is this a paid position?
And is it salaried, hourly wage or piece-work?
Or feeding the fish.
Full-time, as in 8 hours a day?
Not if you eat carrots at the same time.
No one complains about working extra hours.
“Amend it, don’t end it!”
–W. J. Clinton.
(Monica helped with that one.)
I’m impressed. Even I take time out for meals…
Was your incorrigible wanker friend also suffering other medical conditions? Did he have diabetes, nutrient deficiencies, or hypercholesterolemia?
Semen is [very rich in nutrients](Semen - Wikipedia benefits). Every ejaculate contains Vitamin B12, critical for neurological health. Human sperm is extremely rich in DHA, an essential fatty acid comprising 40% of the brain and 60% of the retina.
I have never come across a blunt statement that masturbation could cause blindness. But then I do not know of long-term studies of compulsive wankers such as your friend, to see how they’re doing after 20 years on the job.
If your friend was constantly losing nutrients through masturbation, and not eating well enough to replace them, or had metabolic disorders that impeded absorption of vital nutrients, it is not too dificult to see how his masturbation taken to the extreme could lead to visual impairments. I also bet he was clinically depressed.
Not only is this (typically) witty, but I realized the poster is a chick; which surprised me and made me give her extra credit. Which is notable, I guess.
Clinton did not coin that expression. My mohel did.
If it is, someone needs to call OSHA. There’s some serious risk for carpel tunnel.
But you can expense all your lube purchases.
The CEO is a jerk and the wankers in accounting are approving expense reports for lotion purchase.
An obvious solution would appear to present itself. 
Hasn’t this topic been just about half-beat to death by now?
Well, I don’t think nearly enough friction burn comments have been posted and I think there’s room for more carpel tunnel ones also.
Hmm. Maybe I shoulda used a smiley.
“Oh, LarkingPot. Can you come here a second?”