Can I date a High Schooler?

In My Humble Opinion
81

You know this reminds me of the time I thought I was in love with a boobie dancer?

Seriously, it was right after my divorce and I used to frequent this strip joint. I hooked up with a girl who would sit and talk with me for a couple of hours then end it with one of the most awesome BJ’s I’ve ever had in my life. It would cost me a hundred bucks every time.

Some how, some way, I thought I really had feelings for this girl. I’ve always thought of myself as a man with good mental health and maybe slightly more enlightened than the average Joe. But man was my head ever in a bad place.

Thankfully, the feeling of depression from my failed marriage finally wore off and common sense prevailed once again. Now I just look back on that period of my life and say to myself: “Dude! WTF was I thinking?” Good God that was embarrassing!!

And just so ya’ know this is the first time I’ve told this to anyone.

Take a look at your life dude. Find out whats wrong with it and try to make it better. You don’t need a 16yo.

82

Is that what the kids do these days to show they like someone? Good grief I’m getting old.

83

I note that the OP has not returned to this thread, despite two pages of replies.

Hmmmm…

84

Shit, sometimes I have a hard time understanding my boyfriend’s life fully - he is 24 I am 22, because I’m about to start a masters (so still in college) and he has a “real” job, 8-5 and all that. I am broke so I live with my parents again, he lives with a couple roommates a few hours away and can afford all his own bills and buy nice shit. I can afford smokes, gas, and beer. Only two years apart but sometimes we notice. It doesn’t cause any real problems but that’s because we’re not too too far off in life experiences, college for him was only 2 years ago and he still remembers it very clearly, remembers what it was like to be broke, etc. and we started dating right after he graduated and I was a junior in college.

No fucking way when I was 16 would this work.

When I was 16 I was working part time at a pizza place. Smoked my first cigarette, smoked my first joint, got drunk for the first time, learned to drive…

A 16 year old and a 27 year old should not have much in common. High school and post-college work life are so totally different.

I don’t even understand my 16, 17, and 18 year old cousins and the shit they like and do.

Speaking as someone who was often described as mature in high school…I fucking wasn’t. I just wasn’t quite as retarded as everyone else. I’m sure if you hung around this girl more you’d see…sure she still has screaming fights with her parents because they won’t let her go to that concert downtown or because she got a D in her 3rd period class…that sort of stuff you haven’t seen because you’ve only had one conversation with her.

I remember when I was 16, two of my friend’s neighbors hung around us for a summer. They were 20 and 21. God we made so much damn fun of them for hanging out with us. None of us were dating them or anything either, they just bought us beer and hung out. We used to tease them about how old they were. And they were only 4-5 years older, not 11. Do you want to be the creepy old boyfriend? Even if you are nice as can possibly be to her friends and stuff, they will still likely think you are weird/creepy.

Please don’t date this girl. Find someone closer to your own age.

Oh and did you see that movie Pineapple Express? Spoilered just to be on safe, safe side, not ruining the movie here at all but don’t want to piss anyone off either.

in the movie Seth Rogen’s character is 25 and dates a high school girl. it’s really weird and kinda creepy when he visits her and walks around the halls with her and gets yelled at by teachers because he is not supposed to be there and IIRC she feels kinda stupid when he is there because her friends see him and he’s way older and he gets jealous of the guy she is talking to by the lockers…get it? it’s weird

85

I have to wonder how anyone could post an OP asking if he could date a 16 year old and not be able to predict the replies nearly word for word.

I mean did he–you, Freejooky, if you’re still reading this–think anyone was going to say “Yes, that’s an excellent idea.”

86

Must’ve gotten lucky! :eek: :smiley:

87

(bolding mine)

Indeed, difference in genders can truly be a huge barrier to a successful relationship. :smiley:

Although this provokes another question that I’ve been pondering while reading this thread: would the responses here be identical if it was a 27-year old female who wanted to date a 16-year old male?

88

TC, she doesn’t like you. She just likes the idea of dating someone older as either an act of defiance or to seem “cool” to her friends.

89

There’d certainly be more good-natured ribbing and Mrs. Robinson jokes, but I imagine it would eventually boil down to the same thing– What the hell do you want with someone you could be babysitting? And while his friends may be too stupid to see the situation for what it is, your own friends will likely think you’re quite pathetic.

Most of us knew teenage girls who had older boyfriends (for better or for, more often than not, worse) and can reflect on the relationships now– the ‘hot older woman’ fantasy some boys had stayed just that, a fantasy, so it’s easy to say ‘I would have loved that.’

90

I don’t know if that’s entirely fair. There are other 27 year-olds she could choose. But yeah, girls like older men and there may be a status issue there.

I think if you did date her, a lot of age-related obstacles would present themselves. E.g. you want to go to a bar and she isn’t old enough. E.g. her friend is having a party and you’re in the midst of a bunch of teenagers, feeling your age. She’s probably got some sort of fantasy going and she may not have even thought of sex at all.

If you’re in a smaller community, I’d also be concerned about the damage to your image, reputation, call it what you will. Some people don’t look kindly on cradle-robbers; I’ll defer to the gentler sex on this, but I imagine many women your age would be skeeved out, thinking back to men who acted inappropriately with them at that age of their lives.

Put her on the back burner…if it’s genuine, it will last.

ETA: The 27 y/o woman and 16 y/o boy scenario? Even weirder. That woman has problems…like, Mary Kay Letourneau.

91

Ok, when my daughter was 16 she was interested in dating a man of 23. Her father and I talked to both of them separately. And eventually it was decided that they could remain friends but he was not to “date” her until she turned 18.

And that’s what happened. He was very repectful of our wishes and they talked and became good friends for two years. (They were never left alone!) They began dating a few weeks after her 18th birthday. However, the relationship didn’t last but about a year.

I suggest you wait until she is legal.

92

Mine would be.

Likewise if the genders were the same.

Any other answers are sexist & ageist.

93

There are just certain stages of life, I think.
~18: Living at home, working with parents to create a future independence.
~23 or 26: College or other training to establish a career
Mid- to late-twenties: choosing a mate, building a family and raising kids, career direction takes shape
Late 30s to late 40s: starting to panic about retirement, grandkids arriving

That’s why it could work ten years from now. The difference in your age minus hers isn’t changed, but at least you’d be in the same life phase or something.

If I were the parent of the 16 y/o girl, I wouldn’t want her trajectory altered. I would hope she’d go to college, for instance. But if she’s met this guy who’s already out of college, maybe she dreams that they’ll live together, she’ll have the babies, he’ll go to work, yadda—so she won’t take the steps needed to go to college, like getting good grades in HS, studying for SAT/ACT, applying to colleges, all that. She isn’t fully-formed…she hasn’t met enough people or seen enough of the world or generally experienced enough, and I would say the same for boys of that age.

I’m not saying college is the be-all-end-all, but that her decisions shouldn’t be altered by pie-in-the-sky dreams of being with some guy forever. I’d want her to be able to take care of herself no matter what.

ETA: The other thing is that young girls do get pregnant. That can exponentially increase the difficulty of going ahead with her plans, especially if the guy isn’t in the picture any more.

94

There would be a huge difference. I’ve gone out with older girls my entire life. When I say older, I mean by atleast 5 years. My current is 30. I’m turning 23 next month. One huge factor is how the situation plays on my mind. I’m much more comfortable with an older girlfriend than a much younger girlfriend. I’d rather be taken advantage of by a girl, then to feel as if I am taking advantage of a girl.

If I was 16, and a 27 year old women wanted me, I’d be all for it. If she ended up taking advantage of me I’d have many of stories to tell.

Should the girl be 16 and the guy be 27 it just appears and feels like you are taking advantage of of the girl, regardless. And in the event that something went wrong, the guy would be in deep doo-doo. It would also effect both people mentally in many different ways.

There are just so many problems with that age difference at the ages they are at. A 27 year old can drink, drive, have a credit card, have an apartment, buy liquor, go to a club, etc etc… a 16 year old wouldn’t have any of these options. Plus a 16 year old would still live at home, have to go home each night, go to school, etc etc etc…

95

Mine would be. Actually, my reaction would probably have an additional layer of confusion. 16-year-old boys, like 16-year-old girls, can be very physically attractive, but at the same time, they have brains like 16-year-old-boys. I taught teenagers, too, and wow I couldn’t even imagine why a grown woman would want to be involved with a boy that young.

96

I don’t know from dating a high schooler, but anyone who would put maple syrup on pancakes…:eek:

:wink:

97

What Chowder said, and what Rigamarole has been arguing. Blanket statements are of limited utility when dealing with specific cases-the only absolutes here are what the state laws allow and don’t allow. Yeah we as society tend to assume that the older guy in this situation is just there “for one thing”, but that isn’t necessarily true at all (as Chowder’s anecdote indicates). We assume that “the right woman for you, who is about your age” is just around the corner, and any potential date/mate is about as good as any other.

That said, caution and discretion should be the byword here, even if the connection is genuine. I met what I thought was the love of my life when I was 16, and she 12; I had never met anyone quite like her before, in a myriad of different ways. I patiently waited 6 long years until she was legal, never crossing the line, until (for various reasons mine and hers) it just never worked out in the end. I knew she was destined for great things, and I made it a point not to get in her way at all (echoing post #93 by lobotomyboy63). May you be more fortunate Freejooky, but patience is the byword here-carefully note what Chowder did in his case.

98

Do what you want, but let her parents know. Don’t worry about what others think of you, do what you want. Except, don’t have sex with her until she comes of legal age.

99

When you say a 16 year old seems really mature to you, it makes me think you must have the maturity of a 12 year old.

100

My wife is 10 years younger than I am. So when I was 18 she was 8. That might have broken a few laws. Except I met her when she was 26. So the gap is less important as you get older. 16 seems little young, but we are not just an age number. There are intelligent and mature people at 20 and some who never grow up. Just do not do anything illegal.