So, I have this “condition” in which I like to keep things I own and value in absolute perfect condition. Fingerprints, scratches, any kind of visible damage, even if it is nominal, tends to irritate me, and can hinder my enjoyment of said object, even if these things do not affect the object in any way other than aesthetically. This only applies to things I own; I am not at all affected by the condition of borrowed items, like library books. And, I can accept if something of mine that has been around for a while is showing its wear (like my computer), though I can’t help but feel that some small part of my brain likes the object less for this, and hates me for not keeping it perfect.
Anyway, so I guess my question is, is this some sort of learned behavior that perhaps can be unlearned? Are there ways that I can “loosen up”? Drugs, maybe? Any suggestions?
Do you want to? I’ve been … let’s just say having a man living in my house has led to many of my belongings being in less than perfect condition.
Frankly, I find it disheartening. I feel as though my way of living is a little less joyous. I’ve had to replace a few things (appliances, throw pillows, rugs, etc.) and it just seems wasteful. When someone calls and says, “Hey, let’s use our miles to go to NYC for the weekend!” Instead of packing and go, I must stop and think and dig around and try to figure out if I have clothes and bags and travel sized toiletries, and figure out if I have clothes ready for what I need to do the next week… a real drag. And if friends and I are sitting around wondering what to do on Friday or wondering where to watch a game, I can’t just invite everyone over, because I can’t count on having a clean house and fresh food to serve. When I was, and I prefer the term organized over anal retentive, these were not issues. I could basically do anything I could afford to do any time I wanted to do it. The price of occasionally hating myself for popping a button off a shirt seems like a small price to pay for that kind of freedom.
Like you, I don’t mind wear and tear on things in the world, and I don’t mind the natural changes when something, like a pair of boots, is broken in.
Really, I should have stuck with one of the military guys I’ve dated. They always keep their stuff ship shape, as it were.
Get rid of all your furniture and replace it with vintage and antique pieces, preferably with lots of beautiful weathering and wear and tear. See, that way, it’s new, and it’s SUPPOSED to have those scratches!
A friend of mine, a furniture maker, often faced this problem when people bought his cutting boards. Turns out they NEVER USED THEM, because they looked so nice that they hated to ruin them.
So now, whenever he finishes one, he takes his pocketknife and carves a deep scratch across its face, so it’s already “ruined”…
Alternatively: immersion/shock treatment. Invite someone in to mess up everything in your home for you. Don’t take the trash out for a week. Leave laundry on the floor. Let the dirty dishes pile up. You’ll either learn to live with a little imperfection, or you’ll go mad and be locked up in a nice, clean, padded cell with absolutely nothing to organize/clean/keep from getting scratched.
Or have kids. I’m thinking you’ll get over your notions of perfect cleanliness real fast.
See a psychiatrist. If OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder) is diagnosed, and the symptoms are life-disruptive enough, a shrink may recommend SSRI’s (like Prozac or Luvox) along with referring you to a counselor for behavior therapy.
The combo of the meds with the therapy is far superior to either one separately.
If the psychiatrist says you’re OK and don’t need meds, here’s a different approach. Spend some time volunteering in the homes of the poor. Reading to bedridden seniors or delivering meals, for example. Doing good for others is a frequently recommended way to deal with the situation when little things in our life get us down. Also, when you get home your stuff will look especially good by comparison.
Your United Way can put you in touch with a non-profit that’s a good fit for the skills and time you have to offer.
Don’t think I’m being callous and just saying “Get over it.” This helps me get over some stuff, myself.
toadspittle You are aware that we have antique furniture and vintage clothes and all those nifty things because the original owners took care of them? Right?
Sure … but they didn’t throw them out when they got a scratch on them, or when the paint rubbed off the top of a chair where it was handled every day, etc. Not saying don’t take care of your stuff, just saying that one way to get past the knee-jerk reaction, “This object has a tiny aesthetic flaw; it’s totally ruined,” would be to get some objects that, by their very nature, are supposed to look well-used, well-loved, and otherwise broken-in by normal human habits.
There is a cure for this behavior – I am aware of a procedure, but its very exacting and you have to follow the instructions down to the slightest detail. Any deviation from the technique will result in a failed cure, so you must pay great attention to see that every detail is completed in exactly the correct order and in exactly the right way.
J.C. I think you need to decide which is more important to you – your relationship to this person or your stuff. I think its an easy question to answer, but you may not.
Nobody ever rushed back into a burning building to save a sofa.
I live with someone exactly like the OP describes. She especially hates bent or torn papers and books, and takes forever writing and re-writing any letters to make sure spelling, handwriting and grammar are perfect. In fact, she made me write this reply because she didn’t want to spend hours revising and re-revising a reply herself! She also has numerous other (slight to moderate) symptoms of obsessive-compulsive and other odd behaviors.
I’m this way about new books. I can’t stand it when they get the littlest imperfection in their pristine newness. In a similar vein to the antiques suggestion, I’ve found it helps to buy used books. If the damage has already been done, it’s not my problem.
It’s funny you should ask. Three years ago i asked the very same question and decided to designe a procedure for becoming less anal retentive. Two years ago I began writing up a 25 step procedure that guarantees to make you less anal retentive. Technically it is a 26 step procedure. In fact I would have finished it a year ago except I couldn’t figure out what to do with step 16 which is actually two steps that must be accomplished simultaneously. If they were steps 16 and 17 however, I thought that people might interperet it as 16 then 17, when actually it should be step 16 and 17. I finally figured out that I could combine the two steps, and they are now called steps 16a.1 and 16a.2. This procedure is guaranteed to work for you as well as it did for me so long as you follow it step by step and exactly as it is written out.