Well, yeah… Both my parents. They left sensible wills, dividing everything equally among the kids, and nobody ever had a word of complaint. We were all treated completely fairly, and knew it.
So, yes… Twice.
Grandfather passed away, AFAIK the inheritance issue went smoothly. I think this is one of those things that goes smoothly usually but when it doesn’t, the squabbling gets much news.
Yeah, it’s a pretty typical outcome in my family. I’m not sure “satisfied” is the word, but there wasn’t any arguing. Items specifically assigned in a will were delivered to the named party, the cash assets divided, and remaining material items distributed and, where two parties wanted the same item, negotiated calmly. Very boring.
Sure as heck beats some of the stories I’ve heard.
It’s the horror stories that people share. There are some entertaining stories that I read at another message board here.
I expect that when my grandmother passes, its going to be a shitstorm. I expect my cousin to try and pounce on the house ($600k worth) and still expect her part of the cash side. I doubt she will qualify for a loan to buy it out of the estate unless she buys us off with her cash portion… There will be huge fits thrown about keeping the house in the family, and how we should just let her stay there. If we did let her have it, i guarantee it will be sold within 6 months and she will keep every penny. Her and my aunt went on a shopping spree at great grandmas house when she died 15 years ago, there was little of value left and they deny taking several valuable items that went missing that were specifically named to go to my dad.
Within my family I know of no instance where there was a fight over anything big. (Knock wood-looking-laminate.)
Sometimes an issue over a particular small item of personal interest. But balanced out by people trying to talk someone into taking something assigned to them that they don’t want.
One thing that helps: People generally assume that they aren’t “owed” anything. The pre-deceased can do anything they like with their stuff, no questions asked. Expecting something is just not something we do. (Drilled into our heads from early childhood.)
My grandmother’s estate has mostly been handled smoothly. A few small arguments about some specific pieces of furniture and annoyance at the speed (sloooooow) of disbursements from the trusts and family business (handled by my uncle who had been named executor-in-chief) but nothing that caused much rancor.
I was actually the trouble maker when settling my mothers estate who left no will. 6 kids, 5 of them were ok with an equal split. I felt my two sisters had earned a much higher share of the estate as they had sacrificed so much the last 20 years of my mothers life. We settled on my two sisters getting 1/2 and my 4 brothers dividing the other 1/2. One brother was upset with this but got over it within a year or so.
Lots of times; even when there were several parties and large amounts of value involved. The problem with those is what’s to tell? I know one where 6 siblings divided maybe $750k worth of things with nary a hair out of place or a second thought. Even I have to admit that its slightly boring put into words.
I haven’t experienced any conflicts about inheritance, either in my family or in my friendships.
My wife is an only child. That makes things easier.
My father is already gone but his assets, such as they are, are in a trust until my stepmother dies. My brother and I have no conflict at all about it. We’ve already virtually split it up based on how we want to invest it. It helps that we acted as a team when she was trying to change the trust agreement to rip us off.
As for the possessions, we both have all the stuff we need. We already have all the stuff from my father-in-laws house when he moved into a retirement community.
I went through one involving my parents recently. Smooth as silk. There were certain issues that were an absolute PITA to take care of (paperwork, etc), but my siblings and I didn’t have any issues with each other. We liquidated what none of us wanted, added that to the cash deposits, and the split the remaining $$ equally. Took about a year to get everything straightened out.
I can’t imagine there will be any dispute when my wife and I are both gone. Our estates go to each other and when we have both departed, whatever is left is split evenly among the three kids (or their issue). We have been trying to offload possessions to them (dishes, silverware, cut crystal, etc.) with little success, so I guess they will have to arrange some kind of auction. Not my problem.
My mom is still hale and hearty, and my brother has been handling her affairs since our dad died. He’s the executor and my sisters and I trust him completely. The only conflict I can foresee is over a specific painting that at least 3 of us want. But I don’t see that getting ugly. If Mom works it right, she’ll spend her last dollar the day before she dies. We all want her to enjoy herself.
I know of one where the brother got his brothers 1.3 million and he was very upset and angered over him giving him all his money, he seen it as an insult, because he himself had 21million back then in 1982 and money was just a burden to him that the more you have the more it owns you.
Old Jim just walked about, as my mum called, like just a bum and drove a dirty old crap car, but he was a great bloke with no ego driven madness or inferiority complex who was not up himself at all but he surer knew business.
There was no problem with his will because he was not stupid.
The problems with anyone will is all to do with when the one passed on has informed to another he is giving X to this or that and is seen as truly determine about this is his will.
Mainly the executor who wants all for himself that is hiding all the cards not being open and showing for all to see the facts, such people will use every trick in the book at the time the person is enduring sickness cancer ect.
I have come across this and the executor murdered my friend as it was easy as just one wrong thing to give him, I could of demanded an autopsy and had him in jail.
I did not want to believe it at the time but looking back this executor played his cards so well, that it sticks out like dogs balls, all that he had a hand in full on trying to work destroying his marriage, his wife and step son could not come to the funereal :eek: and I could go on and on.:o I did not want to say anything at the time to upset my mate, but my mate did take my advise on issues that the executor did not want done at all and was 100% against. one was having care arranged for when he was to sick for executor to look after and the other was to see a psychiatrist that my mate wanted to do because he said he was going out of his mind and did not know what to do.
But I have not confronted the executor about any of it, but when I talked to him he had goose bumps all over and was in great fear.
My aunt was divorced and her ex-husband died a few years before she did. When she died, her will stated that her house was to be sold and all the assets were to be divided equally amongst her 4 (adult) kids. That’s what they did, no arguments. The lawyer handling this was somewhat surprised.
OTOH, when my mother died, she had no will, but with other arrangements everything came to me and my two brothers. Unfortunately, there were some legal ambiguities which resulted in injured feelings. I won’t go into more detail. All I can say is that, whatever your arrangements are, at least make sure they’re indisputable and legally airtight.
When my Japanese ex-wife’s grandfather died, her father and uncles all agreed that the youngest brother should get the house, since he and his family had lived together and taken care of the grandparents their entire marriage. The grandmother had had a stroke and was in a care center for 10 years. The grandfather wanted to be taken there frequently and the uncle and his family couldn’t take many vacations.
On top of the house, the other brothers pitched in and gave them a vacation to Europe. They were all middle class, so it wasn’t as if anyone was really loaded, but they all really appreciated the devotion to duty which the uncle and especially his wife had.
When my grandfather died, OTOH, all sorts of fights and feuds over trivial momentos.
I don’t miss the ex, but I sure miss her father.
When Dad died, his universal heir (except for the “compulsory parts”) was Mom. The only problem was that one of my uncles handled the paperwork and he handled it in that style which lawyers and civil servants have perfected (he was both): every single piece of paperwork was filed during the last second of the last minute.
The compulsory parts vary by location: for ours, they’re 3€ and the right to bid for communal land. No discussions there. As we helped Mom clean up the house, each of us chose some mementos from Dad (his favorite ashtray, his beret, a writing set). Again, no discussions.
The same was true for my paternal grandfather, and almost for my paternal grandmother. On the maternal side and as it always happens with my family’s maternal side, things have been about as smooth as naked dancing in a ring of poison ivy. The Bros and I have vowed to do our best to have things go smoothly when Mom dies; we’ll see.
The vast majority of estate administrations are dealt with without dispute or rancour between the various parties.
In my jurisdiction estate disputes fall between:
- “Family Provision Applications” - which are essentially disputes about whether adequate provision has been made for certain parties;
- “Validity Disputes” - which are disputes about testamentary capacity, undue influence etc; and
- “Construction Disputes” - which are disputes dealing with the interpretation of clauses in the will.
Of these, family provision applications are probably the most common.
There is an increasing tendency for courts to keep a close eye on estate litigation and the costs consequences that arise from the same, particularly with regard to small estates (say less than $750,000.00).
My (maternal) Grandfather’s went smoothly -
Grandma predeceased him, and he had been in a home for a number of years,
His estate was cashed and went in equal shares to his six kids -
Mum’s share - who died before him went equally to each of us three kids (skipping Dad, who knew about this and was onboard with it)