Can one ask the mods to forward a message to another poster?

I would like to send a personal note to a poster who has opted out of PMs and who doesn’t publicly list an email address. The note would not be particularly private in nature and it’s fine with me if the mods read it.

Would it be okay to ask the moderators to do this? Which one? It’s not like there is a mod in charge of private correspondence.

Thanks in advance.

Well, you can always ask. But to be honest, I’m not sure why we would. If a person has opted out of private messages, why wouldn’t we respect that? We can and sometimes do send messages even to people who have opted out, but only when we need to (for instance, when such a person receives a Warning).

What about responding to one of their posts in a thread, with an addended “off topic- Poster could you contact me?”.

Er…because you actually try to be nice people, maybe? ? The poster in question probably joined years ago and made decisions without thinking that 5-10 years later a poster with some valid commonalities might want to be in touch. Why cut that person off from the possibility that someone wants to contact him/her? Why prevent me from at least trying?

I am a moderator on a (very different) message board, and we would absolutely honor such a request.

How does forwarding a message show lack of respect? If the poster in question does not want to answer, that is his or her choice. Something I would make very clear in my message, I might add.


A reasonable possibility, and one I will try if I have to. But I don’t necessarily want to share the details publicly that explain why I am trying to contact someone - those details could be either boring or more than I want to post for the internet universe to read for forever. Or both.

It’s also possible that they changed them last week or maybe they did set them 5+ years ago, it doesn’t mean they don’t still prefer it that way.
Personally, I think it’s odd that you’ve decided that what you have to say trumps their privacy settings. So much so that you’re looking for ways around it. Even, or especially with the assumption that since they didn’t want to be PM’d then, they must by now. I mean, they’ve lived without PMs for 5-10 years, certainly it’s time go drag them out of their shell, right?

It shows a lack of respect because that person doesn’t want to be contacted and you’re circumventing it by using a mod to do it.
It’s not totally different from getting a phone call from a friend and upon answering it you find out it someone that you don’t want to talk to just borrowing the friend’s phone since you have their number blocked.

I think kayaker’s solution is your best option. You don’t have to explain any of the details on the board, but a simple request for them to get in contact with you and that’s it.
If someone doesn’t list any way to get a hold of them privately, I think this is reasonable.

And this would be the case if they had PMs switched on.
I agree with others that if they have chosen to switch PMs off, that should be respected.

The general rule is that we’re not supposed to use mod powers for anything other than moderating activities. So information we may or may not be privy to shouldn’t be used for anything unrelated to moderating. I construe this to include contact information, emails, etc.

I would hesitate to honor such a request as a result. It’s no problem dropping in a thread the person is participating in and let them know they have PMs turned off. I’ve seen it done once in a while.

We really prefer to only contact posters who have email hidden and PMs turned off with regard to board-related matters or in really exceptional circumstances. Since you have the option of contacting them publicly, I don’t see that the possible inconvenience of doing so merits overriding the personal preferences they have indicated.

So publicly ask ten people to contact you, only nine of them are decoys.

I have been moderating message boards since the late 90s and there is no way that I would do that unless it was a dire emergency of some kind. IMO, it’s not something that a Moderator should do.

You could also post the request here on ATMB, and hope they see it. A lot may depend on their visit frequency.

Since it’s personal, rather than board business, it would probably be better in MPSIMS (and also more likely to be seen).

I have PMs turned off (and I seriously doubt I’m the person CairoCarol wants to reach). It’s not just the SDMB; I’ve opted out of PMs on every board I’ve joined. Here’s my perspective.

If I got a private message from a moderator saying “So-and-so really wants to send you a PM,” I’d probably freak out, leave the board, and never return. I wouldn’t see it as “nice”—I’d see it as someone probing my personal boundaries and looking for ways around them.

Yeah, I’m a bit of a privacy freak, partly by nature and partly due to personal experiences, and maybe I’m a little weird. My point is that opting out of PMs here was a deliberate decision, and not something I did on a whim and forgot about. I agree with Joey P; enlisting a moderator to circumvent someone’s PM block strikes me as disrespectful and self-serving.

Fair enough.

And it should be mentioned that PMs are enabled by default. Nobody has them disabled just because they forgot about it: If someone’s PMs are disabled, it’s because they made a choice and went to the effort to disable them. Why? That’s their business. But for whatever reason, they did.

I would be annoyed if mods saw fit to violate my privacy settings for anything unrelated to my account.

Member: Please do not contact me.
CairoCarol: I’m going to find a way to contact him.
CairoCarol: How am I being disrespectful?

Maybe now you can see it?

Not exactly, but this thread has convinced me that whether I see it or not, I am just plain wrong. Thanks everyone for your input. I accept that I can’t ask the mods to do this, and will not.

PM sent.