(I haven’t yet. I’ve been here only a short time so far), what’s the protocol?
Are communication strictly between us, or is it cool if the person I’m contacting decides to publish the messages more broadly? if someone sends me a message that I find threatening or disturbing or otherwise creepy, is this something I need to report to someone? If I want to block messages from anyone , can I do that? In my “Indians” thread, that got closed down, I’d like to pursue things with some helpful posters (and NOT pursue them with the person who misunderstood what I was asking and got the thread shut down prematurely)–would it be better to open up another thread, or should I write a message to the helpful people? Do the moderators read messages that no one has complained about? That is, if I want to tell one person something (I have no one in mind here, this is just a hypothetical) should I assume that someone else might read it? In other words, how private is a message? Nothing’ major is going on right now, (Someone nearby mentioned that he had something for sale, and I was thinking of messaging him for his location so I could look at it, assuming he wants to post his location in a message–I’m pretty sure no one wants to post his address on a message board.) I’m just wondering about the protocol with messages here.
IANA Mod, just a long time poster. So what I’m going to describe is my understanding of the etiquette and the technology. The rules are a separate matter and you can read them as stickies at the top of this category.
Here’s my thoughts on your questions. They’re worth every penny you paid for them.
Q: Are communication strictly between us, or is it cool if the person I’m contacting decides to publish the messages more broadly? A: That would be a gross breech of etiquette unless everyone on the PM thread agreed in advance to copy some specific part to somewhere else more public. It might well be against a rule, but the damage would still be done.
Q: if someone sends me a message that I find threatening or disturbing or otherwise creepy, is this something I need to report to someone? A: PMs work exactly like threads, but only the people invited in can see them, instead of like in a regular thread where the entire internet can read them. If you get something creepy, threatening, or that you believe is against the rules, you certainly may report it just like you report a post in a public thread. Namely, click the … next to the [reply] button at lower right of the offending message then click the flag = report icon & fill in the form. You usually want to choose the bottom radiobutton [something else] and explain your issue in a sentence or two in the box that pops open. Which report will cause the mods to look at your thread and potentially read all the posts in it.
Q: If I want to block messages from anyone , can I do that? A: Yes. Click your avatar icon then select “Preferences” from the top menu and “Users” from the left menu. Put in the names of the people you never want to hear from again. Press [Tab] after each one and don’t forget to click [Save] when you’re done. You didn’t ask, but you can also ignore users so you don’t see their posts in public threads either.
Q: In my “Indians” thread, that got closed down, I’d like to pursue things with some helpful posters (and NOT pursue them with the person who misunderstood what I was asking and got the thread shut down prematurely)–would it be better to open up another thread, or should I write a message to the helpful people? A: That’s a matter of taste, not rules. What I personally would do is try another public thread but improve my OP to minimize the chance of whatever misunderstandings may have started the unhappiness. Some folks are just gonna be unhelpful jerks or refuse to understand your POV. That’s what ignore is for. A key idea here is that the OP is not the owner or master of his/her thread. You birth it and turn it loose to its fate, with all posters subject to the basic rules to a)play nice, and b) stay on-topic. Both of which are highly subjective rules.
Speaking technologically, you could try to have a private by-invitation-only thread to discuss whatever. But that’s not normal culture here and you may not find many/any takers for your invites.
Q: Do the moderators read messages that no one has complained about? That is, if I want to tell one person something (I have no one in mind here, this is just a hypothetical) should I assume that someone else might read it? In other words, how private is a message? Nothing’ major is going on right now, (Someone nearby mentioned that he had something for sale, and I was thinking of messaging him for his location so I could look at it, assuming he wants to post his location in a message–I’m pretty sure no one wants to post his address on a message board.) I’m just wondering about the protocol with messages here. A: As I said above, the moderators have the technological capability to read any / all PMs. As I understand it, as a company policy they never read PMs uninvited. Reporting something in a PM amounts to inviting the mods in to read, at least for the purpose of evaluating the report.
You didn’t ask, but as a general approach, all the rules that apply in public apply to PMs too. Such as our Prime Directive: Don’t be a Jerk.
I personally have shared my real life identity and a lot more with others here via PM. With the expectation that they and the Mods will not divulge those details. Just like with email though, once I click [send], I have zero control, and precious little influence, over what the recipient does with whatever I sent. So caveat sendorus applies.