Hello – I am constantly wondering if I have enough to retire on. Eventually my mind drifts to the only retirement solution that seems attainable – jail! Would I sacrifice my freedom for 4 walls, meals, medical attention, and maybe play D&D 24/7? Probably! What the hell am I going to do, I’m 70 years old!
What would be the best crime to commit that guarantees nobody is physically or emotionally hurt, and it would have a high chance of going to jail for 10+ years for someone without a criminal history? I wouldn’t want to be in solitary, or be kept from the other prisoners, please. My ideal crime would involve a bunch of hippies in school trying to gain my release because the system is unjust and I didn’t really harm anyone while I tell them to take a flying leap.
I hear that federal prison is probably the best, but I’ve never been arrested for anything, so I only know what people and TV tell me. And remember this is all hypothetical and I’m bound to wise up in the next 30+ years :dubious:
I’d say possession of large amounts of a controlled substance would be a good way to go. Although if you could afford to buy large amounts of a controlled substance you probably don’t need to worry about retirement.
Another option might be to move to a state with a three strikes law and accumulate three felony convictions.
I think one of your your over-riding concerns should be *where * you are going to do time as prisons vary considerably in their accommodations and work it backwards from there.
If you have no substantive savings you will have to work until you die, or are disabled. Looking at it objectively, (not ethically or morally) if the task is to accumulate as much cash as possible in a short amount of time, the best thing an old person has going for them is a presumption of innocence. Being a drug mule would seem to me, to be the best income producer from a risk/reward basis as long as you went into it with a comprehensive false identity you could use if they caught you, and bolt once you made bail. (assuming you haven’t been finger printed previously)
I think that most respondents are assuming his hypothetical question falls into the “How would I defend myself if a grizzly bear attacked etc.” category as far as it being a real world consideration. As a charter memeber RevCo is smart enough to know that losing your freedom and being confined with violent predators 24/7 isn’t worth three hots and a cot a day, unless possibly you could get into a “country club” prision, but for that to happen you’ve got to be famous and/or important, or have something the feds want.
Tax evasion might get you into a minimum security federal prison. You *do * want to commit a federal crime, as most of the violent felons are kept in county jails. Will you have grandchildren? You might get custodial interference bucked up to a federal offense if you took a child across state lines.
Actually, one of the rationales for having minimum security “country club” prisons is that it costs far less to keep somebody in one of those than a maximum security lockup. Far less staff per prisoner, which more than offsets the somewhat nicer conditions being provided. The problem is that most felons can’t be trusted to obey the rules, stay where they are supposed to, and behave themselves, without prison guards to see that they do. It follows that the minimum security prison SHOULD be rather nicer, so that inmates in it have an incentive to stay where they cost the state less money, rather than screwing up and getting shipped to the higher security prison. I should think the OP would be a candidate for such a place, if he carefully chose his crime. However, AT BEST, you would wind up with a situation like living in a college dormitory, and probably something worse.
Can you profess a religious calling and enter a monastery?
Steal a bunch of money from the Federal Government. If you manage not to get caught, your retirement worries are over. If you do get caught, same thing.