Good thought but it won’t work with her unless I do it without her knowing. She’s even broken down crying at birthday parties for other kids when we had to relinquish the gift to the birthday kid. I really think as many have pointed out that she just isn’t mature enough to want to part with anything for any reason. She’s even territorial about clothes. She is constantly outgrowing clothes but doesn’t want to give them up even though she doesn’t/can’t wear them.
I can’t help feeling a bit responsible for this since I admit I spoiled her rotten for the first 2 years of her life. I was an infertility patient and after several years of trying for kid 2 (and after an adoption that almost was fell thru) a round of ivf actually worked and we were so overjoyed to have her, so yup we went a little overboard. We reined it in shortly after the age of two (during the “mine” phase). This may just be part of her personality at this stage of development though, hard to say.
This explains a great deal. Most likely you have forgotten your resentment (or were to intimidated to express it). IMO, St Brother is the one who is “not normal”. He may well be a great kid (and sounds it) but his behavior is not the norm. Kudos to Daughter for standing up for what she values–even if it’s not quite what you had envisioned. I have no idea why you are so enamored of the “give 5 things away” (instead of letting the kids lead this or starting with 2 toys or whatever), but that ship has sailed. Just don’t say to her, “see? Justin (or whatever your son’s name is) is happy to give away his Ninja Turtles!” Nothing is more obnoxious to a kid than stuff like that.
Just please, please don’t view your daughter as on the make and your son as “the good, empathic one”. That hurts them both AND their future relationship. They each have things they can improve on; they each have strengths etc.
I know a woman who told me proudly that she was trying to build up her son by holding her (younger than son) daughter back. This appalled me, and I tried to tell her how that could backfire. I am NOT saying you are doing that, but I know of too many moms who see their daughters as nothing but trouble and their sons as walking on water (of course, there are many that are the complete opposite). Good parenting is not easy to find, sadly. Good luck to you and yours.
Actually I love her spunk. I have a sis in law who is a total doormat (takes all sorts of shit from her SO) so when our daughter’s strong personality started emerging, we really rejoiced. IMO there would be nothing worse than having a weak girl who let people walk all over her (that’s one of those things that just grosses me out). So I DO want to teach her morals & ethics, but definitely not at the expense of her spirit.
And yes, in my house growing up, I don’t think I would have felt the freedom to express myself as she does.
Maybe it would be a little easier if you went to a pet-supply store and bought some toys for shelter animals? Her favorite cause might not end up being the same as yours, and that’s OK. Giving toys to needy kids is a good cause, but it’s not the only worthwhile charity in town. Animals in shelters need toys, too.
This is a good idea. I think the best thing you can do is to encourage her natural empathy for animals. That will teach her how to give in a way that she will likely enjoy more (if only because then she’ll associate it with getting to see/play with the animals at the store or shelter).
Like her, I preferred animals to people as a child and vehemently disliked dolls. In spite of that, I managed to avoid growing up to be a sociopath.
