On Declanium’s original thread (where I think this discussion should now move back, because it’s getting off topic), she said,
In other words, this is about keeping up with the Joneses, who have such wonderful and perfect children. This is about her own ego. She sees her sons as her possessions that she can use to show off how what a wonderful mom she is. That’s why there’s this huge over-reaction.
She is not actually devastated about them, but about herself. ‘Other people’s kids are so perfect, and that means other people have beaten me in the competition as to who can bring up their kids better. My kids have failed me and betrayed me, despite all I have done for them, by making me lose the competition to be better than the neighbors.’ She likes to imagine this is about what is best for her kids, but really it’s all about her.
Her sons will be leaving home in a few years, and probably they will do better out of the grip of such a controlling and obsessive mother.
Perhaps… they were smoking dope as a way of dealing with the stress of living with their extremely demanding mother.