An e-mail I just received is puzzling me, and I would appreciate input from those more familiar with the proclivities of the Living Dead. The key passage follows:
“A BRITISH CITIZEN BUT DUE TO MY ILL HEALTH AM COMFIRMED TO THE FOUR WALL OF THE HOSPITAL BECAUSE OF THE FATAL ACCIDENT I HEARD FOR THREE YEARS NOW, I CAN’T MOVE OR WALK ON MY FEET,MY DOCTOR JUST TOLD ME YESTERDAY THAT IHAVE JUST FEW MONTHS TO LEAVE ON EARTH HERE BEFORE I DIE, MY LATE FATHER WILLED TO ME THE SUM OF 250MILLION POUNDS BEFORE HIS DEALTH, BUT NOW I HAVE USD$150MILLION DOLLARS LEFT WHICH I WANT TO USED FOR INVESTMENT,AND I NEED A TRUST WORTHY PERSON THAT CAN HANDLE THIS FUND EVEN IF AM DEATH TOMORROW”
I don’t get it. He was in a fatal accident and can’t move (but can send e-mail) and cannot walk on his feet (hands are not ruled out), is fatally ill (being dead, this sounds like double jeopardy) and is very very bad with money.
Should I take him up on this offer and send all my personal info? What are the keys to successfully managing money for a Zombie? Can British Citizens really get away with being this illiterate, or are there Zombie Exceptions?
Not quite. Apparently, he’s been hearing a fatal accident for the last three years, which has left him in his current immovable state. That must have been one hell of an accident.
Zombie email is generally slow, because the graveyards only get die…l-up. (Okay, that was bad, I know it.)
Also, I believe it’s been known to happen for little bits of zombie fingers to fall off and get caught inside the keyboard.
(Another vote for trying to string this guy along if you feel up to it - and report back!)
How uncouth of him - unusually for these rich but endangered e-mailers, he hasn’t bothered to offer you any money for your time and trouble in helping him.
AND he wants to invest the money - that seems to suggest that even if he is death tmorrw, he will be coming back to retrieve the money (plus profit from investment) from you.
Oh, yes, play with him. Get him to clarify what’s in it for you.
Strange chap - why can’t he afford literacy lessons, or even a secretary?
Totally unrelated, but this reminds me of the time a co-worker received an email from our last supervisor - 6 months after the supervisor passed away. We had been having trouble with viruses and whatnot and all of us were getting spam that was coming from other co-workers accounts (our supervisor’s operator number had not been reassigned, so her profile was still in the network, or something), but it was still pretty freaky, especially since the email in question had “Snoopy” in the subject line, and the co-worker is a Snoopy fanatic.
So, yeah. It happens. The Internet is so widespread, even corpses have email.
Seeing as the e-mail quoted in the OP is obviously a variant on the Nigerian Scam, I’m curious as to what a Zombie Nigerian Scam would be like. It would presumably involve moving money from the land of the dead to the land of the living. And the payment would probably be in brains.
Alas, I must conclude that I lack the time and expertise to do justice to this poor fellow’s dying (dead?) request.
I would post his e-mail address so that others might take up the challenge, but I am sure it would be a violation of board policy.
If anyone does want to follow up, just e-mail me and I’ll be happy to provide contact information. Of course, so that I can verify your bona fides, just send along your Social Security and bank account numbers.
