Canada or Mexico

So which one should we invade? Mexico has all those great beaches and food. Canada is way bigger and the people there at least speak English so we don’t need to deal with that. Canada probably has more raw resourses, Mexico has way more people. If we conquer Mexico think of all the money we’d save on border patrols. Canada would probably come quietly, or at least retreat to the northern territories. So who should we go after first? I’m up in the air.

Canada is prettier and the people do not make us uncomfortable. Mexico is way superior in food and drugs. I’m on the fence, too.

If you invaded Canada quietly, they might not notice anything’s changed: easiest invasion ever.

On the other hand, then you get to deal with Quebec. Then again, the Chiapas are well armed; les Québecois are merely foul-tempered.

Hmm, maybe Hitler could be cloned and we could rid the continent, nay the WORLD of the Canadian plague!! All we have to do is find the Russian prison he’s rotting in…

With poutine, the secret weapon of les Québecois, even Hitler might have trouble subduing the populace.

Mmmmm… fries, gravy, and curds…

Its nice to see that good ol’ Manifest Destiny is alive and well.

If you guys invaded, you’d probably ruin our beer.

You’ve never seen a Canadian fight to protect the quality of his beer. I suggest you bring extra ammo.

Mexico is a terrific country with a long history of independence that someday will be a G7 country (or is it G8 now). They also have a justified nationalistic pride that would make the whole Vietnam thing seem like a walk in the park.

Canada is where we keep our natural resources in cold storage until we need them, but commodity prices are low right now.

I say leave 'em both alone. For now.

Just kidding, dh. And thanks for the beer.

This is not an offer to agree or disagree with opinions, which may be done only by a current prospectus.

dhanson–you got it backwards, we need to invade to improve our beer (which in my opinion is only one step above pig piss.–not that I’ve had pig piss, I just have a vivid enough imagination)

Invade Canada! steal their beer recipes!

Gen A.C. McAuliffe
“The general’s nuts.”
unknown 101st AB grunt

Why is making love in a boat like American beer? Both are near f@#king water.-Monty Python

And of course there is one definition of Canadian - “someone who can make love in a canoe.”

We’ve already invaded both Canada (Revolutionary War, War of 1812) and Mexico (Mexican War), and I personally think it would be more fun to invade someone new. Like England–it’s time we absorbed them anyway, so we can punish them for the Stamp Act.

If Turkey attacked Spain from the rear, would Greece help?

Will stay nonpartisan here.

Here’s a thought. Invade Canada, but leave Quebec alone. We would let Quebec produce all the beer to preserve the taste.

Judging from the news reports we get from the good ol’ U S of A, seems you folk’re too busy shooting each other to spend much time invading us. And remember, you can’t invade unless you’ve all had your anthrax vaccinations.

Personally, I don’t think most of you could find Canada. Better go with Mexico - you won’t need a jacket.


Most will want to start the invasion by hitting the beach at Puerto Vallarta and never get farther than the t-shirt shops.

Well, like they say in South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut:

Blame Canada! They’re not even a real country, anyway.

I’m not flying fast, just orbiting low.

invade Canada, that way I can leave this frozen wasteland and go to work legally in Florida or California or Texas gulf coast!
PLEASE invade Canada!


you have already invaded canada…we watch your tv, our kids act like your kids…one of the little boys at my sons daycamp called him ‘bitch’ the other day.Charming.

really though, once the first winter hit, your guys would all die, and we would rule the continent.
oh, and trust me you dont want to tangle with quebec.those buggers can out argue C#3, satan, Bjorn, all of them…and the only problem canada has ever had with terrorism was in quebec.they might put poison in your poutines.
and we will fight you…we dont have guns, (except for hunting) but we throw a mean rock, and boys here grow up learning how to fist fight, again because we dont have the luxury of just being able to shoot the people who annoy us, so if you run out of ammo, watch out.

the entire above text was meant to be is not the intent of the author to incite an invasion. the author wants all americans to know that canada is a dark and dirty wasteland of nuclear radiation…there is NOTHING up here to interest you at all.

My personal feeling as a patriotic American is that we should take our entire governent, all our militia and neo-Nazi groups, our entertainment industry, all our postal workers, and all our schoolkids (along with a few assorted daytraders and high-ranking military officers), divide them into two groups, and dump half of them on Yugoslavia and the other half on Iraq. That would solve about 90% of our problems, right there. Then the rest of us could sort of kick back and adopt the Canadian lifestyle; just a little slower, a little calmer, no rush, no Rush, no need to police the entire flipping world, just tend to domestic business and do away with genetically-designed foods. All we’d need then is a President who was as pragmatic as Franklin Roosevelt, as tenacious as Harry Truman, and as pleasant to look at as Brian Mulroney, and we’d be all set. Hand me another Molson, eh?